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Unread 23 Aug 2005, 05:18   #1
s|k
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The funniest thing I have read in a long time
http://www.slate.com/id/2124684/?nav=tap3

It's about a website that records conversations overheard in New York. I just wanted to share it with you all, honestly because I just wanted to share it. It's great reading if you have a few minutes. I am dying because of it.

Quote:
It faithfully records the oracular pronouncements of the homeless:

The subway doors open. A hobo enters, holding a bottle of windex in one hand and a tube of toothpaste in the other.
Hobo: Which is the better time to read Dostyevsky [sic]? Winter?
He sprays the windex.
Hobo: Or Spring?
He squeezes toothpaste out of the tube.
Japanese girl: Spring!
Hobo: You are correct.

It charts the unpredictable overlapping of the city's diverse pop-cultural strata:

Lady on cell: ... so we were at this goth club and I moonwalked into someone…

Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!
Kid #2: "Bam" doesn't blow up, "bam" makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can't defeat that!

Some quotes hint at such rich human drama that, handled properly, they'd make the basis of a great screenplay:

Girl #1: Well, tomorrow is the Philharmonic in Central Park.
Girl #2: You wanna go?
Girl #1: Well I do, but I have my brain MRI.

Guy on cell: I moved all the way here and now you won't even marry me?
Guy on cell: I'm off today. I ran over one of the kids with the bus.
There's more..
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Unread 23 Aug 2005, 05:28   #2
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Re: The funniest thing I have read in a long time
From the website ( I love this one: )

Quote:

Old man: Hey, you just kicked my bag!
Young man: Dude, it was just sitting there. For all I know it has a bomb in it.
Old man: But I'm right here!
Young man: Look, you show me a bag that looks like a bomb and I'm gonna kick it, every time.

--Men's room, Union Square Regal Cinemas
It's like Bash, only rl.
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/
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Unread 23 Aug 2005, 11:13   #3
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Re: The funniest thing I have read in a long time
liked the second one
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Unread 23 Aug 2005, 12:52   #4
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Re: The funniest thing I have read in a long time
Quote:
Ghetto guy #1: Who do you think is better, Bernie Mac or Mr. T?
Ghetto guy #2: Obviously Mr. T. He uses pronouns more efficiently.
I was amused.
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Unread 23 Aug 2005, 14:58   #5
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Exclamation Re: The funniest thing I have read in a long time
Quote:
Huge guy: So he comes up to me and gives me the $600 that he owes me. I took one look at the bills and thought this was the worst counterfeit job I've ever seen so I beat the shit out of him. ... Did you know they have a new $100 bill?
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The Ottawa Citizen and Southam News wish to apologize for our apology to Mark Steyn, published Oct. 22. In correcting the incorrect statements about Mr. Steyn published Oct. 15, we incorrectly published the incorrect correction. We accept and regret that our original regrets were unacceptable and we apologize to Mr. Steyn for any distress caused by our previous apology.
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Unread 23 Aug 2005, 15:39   #6
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Re: The funniest thing I have read in a long time
Quote:
Originally Posted by s|k
It's like Bash, only rl.
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/
10 minutes well spent... and I'll go back when I'm bored.
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Unread 23 Aug 2005, 18:03   #7
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Re: The funniest thing I have read in a long time
****ing typical... its filtered at work
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Unread 24 Aug 2005, 02:17   #8
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Re: The funniest thing I have read in a long time
You know what they need are ratings and a browse feature. :/
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Unread 24 Aug 2005, 02:33   #9
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Re: The funniest thing I have read in a long time
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tactitus
Quote:
Huge guy: So he comes up to me and gives me the $600 that he owes me. I took one look at the bills and thought this was the worst counterfeit job I've ever seen so I beat the shit out of him. ... Did you know they have a new $100 bill?
you stumble accross painful memories.

it was 1am in soho. i popped out of where i was (had a word with the bouncers to ensure re-entry: deepflow may remember that i always talk to bouncers to ensure a smooth evening). bought cigarettes at some 24 hour place.

i was given a shiny fiver (£5) in change. it was bright and crisp and i'd never seen anything so colourful. i asked "and what exactly is this"

reply by slightly bewildered asian chap who works such appalling hours only to earn a decent living "the new five pound note"

my lip quiveres. my nose sneers. "perhaps i could have one less new i say". no doubt delaying the queue.

he dutifully finds one.

the next few days i find out what a COMPLETE AND UTTER TWAT I WAS (it was genuine)

god i felt awful. what a bloody fool i was. that poor man.

EDIT: i forgot that he called me 'sir' all the time. god how awful i was. poor chap only doing his job.
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Unread 24 Aug 2005, 03:26   #10
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Re: The funniest thing I have read in a long time
Dumb teen: Hey, look at this! It says "Train for jobs in beeyotch."
Smarter teen: Fool! That word is biotech. Why you gotta be ignorant all your life?
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Unread 24 Aug 2005, 06:51   #11
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Re: The funniest thing I have read in a long time
Quote:
Lady: Hey, your dog just went to the bathroom; aren't you going to pick that up?
Guy: Who the hell elected you the shit police?

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