Man Overboard

[Achilles]

On the bridge of the once proud Subhmarine Captain Paisley mops his sweaty brow and stares dolefully at the dials and gauges flickering madly before his eyes.

'How could this happen?' he whinges plaintively. 'The Sandman Barometer shows that our rate of descent is steadily increasing. Pretty soon the pressure differential will become so great that bilge release valve will buckle and seawater will rush in through our waste system drowning us all. We're ****ed.'

Suddenly a Siren sounds. The bridge is bathed in rythmic flashes of red light.

AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RAH, AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RAH

The startling noise snaps Admiral "Comical" Ali to consciousness. His dreams of lush, green pastures - all hemmed in with white straw fences - fade swiftly. He turns to Captain Paisley, confusion apparent on every inch of his sleepy features.

'God dammit Paisley, report man. What the hell is happening?'

'It's not good sir,' came the grim reply. 'The Fencit Valve on the bilge system is failing, we're starting to take on water. It's only a matter of time before it collapes completely and we're all drowned in our own shit sir!' He spoke in slow, even tones for the Admiral but it was hard to tell if he was being understood. "Comical" Ali had always been blessed with the ability to ignore the obvious. After all, why else would you use a Submarine metaphor in space?

'No matter Captain,' came the judicious reply. 'We've recruited the finest seamen in the universe. Only the most honourable, the most loyal, the most dedicated sail with us. We will persevere in our journey to the Fenced Off Land and our children will grow up in peace and prosperity, never to know the terror of being roided, never to.......'

A pointed cough cut the monologue short. A crewmember shuffled awkwardly forward, clutching at a printout with sweaty palms.

'Sir, report's just in sir,' he mumbled lowly, the rank smell of fear clinging to every word. 'Some of the rats have started jumping off the ship sir. Word's got out that we're going down sir. Apparently the writing is on the fence sir.'