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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 09:56   #1
s|k
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My mental state

I'll admit it, I'm different. I have often found myself describing some idea of mine to people only to be repaid with a familiar blank stare. I've learned to 'feel' people out before I open up to them about the things I think about. The number of people in my life that I have an honest relationship with is in the single digits, and I'm not related to any of them. Probably one of the reasons why I post on GD is to expend some of my lurking creative drive.

I do well with other people on the surface, but if they spend time with me, eventually they'll figure out some thing's up with me. It's not just in my head, people (friends, fellow Marines, etc) have joked openly with me about it. I didn't have a traditional childhood, and I've given some limited amount of information about my past on GD. I'm not willing to 'tell all' as long as it will come off as me appearing to be some wacky side show for the momentary amusement of a few strangers who have been open about their antipathy toward me.

I want to share and at the same time I don't. I do not tell people about these things, because I don't want them to treat me differently. Some people just blurt out their problems to any stranger, but that's not me, I find that practice contemptible. After a while of keeping it bottled up, though, it ends up feeling like I'm trying to hide something. Which wasn't my intention, and I don't like being secretive. But you just can't be open with people, because they'll start treating you differently. And of course I have my self-respect, which I'm not willing to destroy for the sake of attention.

Anyhow, for your satisfaction, we can just all assume that my up bringing is to blame for my deviance, and that I don't have any kind of chemical imbalance.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 10:16   #2
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Re: My mental state

This does rely on the fact people are interested in you in any way shape or form. I think you lend to much gravity to the notion of people not 'being interested only in themselves'
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 10:22   #3
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Re: My mental state

People think I am weird too, I just think they're all the same dude.






(get over yourself, you will anyway eventually)
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 10:24   #4
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Re: My mental state

I am autistic.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 10:34   #5
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by s|k
But you just can't be open with people, because they'll start treating you differently
This really depends on which people you're talking about, and which things you're being open with. I don't think I would treat someone differently if they told me most things I can imagine being told.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 10:37   #6
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Re: My mental state

I've set a golden rule in my life, I only associate with people I can stand and vica versa. Works out pretty well, altough I can't blingbling with the size of my social circle.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 11:35   #7
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Re: My mental state

I associate with everyone, and those I don't like I give a big mouth
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 11:44   #8
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Re: My mental state

I like you s|k
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 11:49   #9
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Re: My mental state

I thought this thread was going to have a news link to a daft story in Arizona, or something.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:10   #10
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Re: My mental state

Why?

I think everyone feels slightly different. It relates back to your thread on conciousness. If we can't feel special, we can't justify our existence, and that would suck. For all that we're special / different, we're surprisingly similar in some ways - there's a lot of "sheep people" that follow a few. I find that sad, even when I catch myself occasionally doing it. Amusingly enough, I started wearing jeans probably before they were "fashionable", and ripped (etc) jeans before they were fashionable too. Obviously I'm some huge trend setter!
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:13   #11
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Re: My mental state

i am pretty sure my dad had jeans on before you even were born
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:14   #12
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Re: My mental state

Yes, but were jeans fashionable then?
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:15   #13
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by Appocomaster
Yes, but were jeans fashionable then?
Weren't jeans fashionable in the 70's?
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:19   #14
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Re: My mental state

Not the same jeans, really. But they stopped being fashionable. Obviously my sarcastic trend setter remarks have been proved false. How sad.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:19   #15
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Re: My mental state

Well, I've got to go now, I am going to invent the chair. Or maybe a theacup.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:21   #16
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
Well, I've got to go now, I am going to invent the chair. Or maybe a theacup.
theacup ? I'm sure there's a joke about Theamion there somewhere...

Even if you can invent these things, can you make them fashionable?
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:33   #17
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Re: My mental state

You should see me drink a cup of tea while sitting on a chair.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:33   #18
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Re: My mental state

I recognise some of the things you mention. I even decided a long time ago to work on it as it bothered me a lot. I found out i cared way too much about how other ppl think of me, and would go very far to make sure ppl like me, so if i would think something of wich i was sure a certain person wouldnot agree with, id keep it from that person, tho i would share it with ppl who i knew would agree...am i making sence?
It comes down to living up to ppl's expectations. You seem to want to fit in to the picture the ppl around you have of you, and wont show any things about yourself that dont fit in. In the end its no enuff tho, its living a lie almost.
And i found out that first of all my thoughts about HOW ppl would react was not always accurate. And second, if indeed ppl react weird or so, you shouldnot be changing how you act to them, but you should change what it does to you if they dont react how you want it. You should be YOU. If it bothers you that ppl think different about you if they truly know you, then chanc THAT. Make it not bother you no longer, and feel free to be who you are. It doesnot really matter what caused it, it being your childhood or upbringing , its how you deal with it now and in the future , what matters.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:34   #19
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Re: My mental state

that was a terrible read
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:35   #20
sigrid
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
that was a terrible read
dont read it then.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:37   #21
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
that was a terrible read
I was going to do an NB3 but I felt there were some paragraphs present so I couldn't really. I did give up reading it through.

Anyway, what's so cool about sitting on a chair drinking tea? That's what old people have been doing for YEARS.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:49   #22
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by Appocomaster
Anyway, what's so cool about sitting on a chair drinking tea? That's what old people have been doing for YEARS.

You clearly haven't seen a picture of me yet.

I can even make pipe-smoking look cool.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 12:52   #23
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
You clearly haven't seen a picture of me yet.
not even your godlike upper body
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 13:02   #24
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Re: My mental state

Guys, sorry to interrupt, but i dont think you should comment my post like that, I actually tried to reply to what he posted, and you guys just chat along about teacups and chairs and thats all fine? How about you create your own bullshit post about that and stop commenting others who for once try to react seriously? I am getting pretty sick of GD nerds who think only their own posts and replies are interesting or hilarious, and cant do anything else then spit on other ppl and neg rep without leaving a name. Grown up.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 13:06   #25
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Re: My mental state

How about you try to adapt to these forum etiquetes.


Lurk more and shut the **** up.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 13:26   #26
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by sigrid
I recognise some of the things you mention. I even decided a long time ago to work on it as it bothered me a lot. I found out i cared way too much about how other ppl think of me, and would go very far to make sure ppl like me, so if i would think something of wich i was sure a certain person wouldnot agree with, id keep it from that person, tho i would share it with ppl who i knew would agree...am i making sence?
It comes down to living up to ppl's expectations. You seem to want to fit in to the picture the ppl around you have of you, and wont show any things about yourself that dont fit in. In the end its no enuff tho, its living a lie almost.
it does make sense, and too many people do it. Everyone does it to some extent, although if someone says "down" without too much of a reason, I'm often inclined to argue "up" until they justify themselves. Being too predictable is bad, which is why I've been called weird occasionally myself.

Quote:
And i found out that first of all my thoughts about HOW ppl would react was not always accurate. And second, if indeed ppl react weird or so, you shouldnot be changing how you act to them, but you should change what it does to you if they dont react how you want it. You should be YOU. If it bothers you that ppl think different about you if they truly know you, then chanc THAT. Make it not bother you no longer, and feel free to be who you are. It doesnot really matter what caused it, it being your childhood or upbringing , its how you deal with it now and in the future , what matters.
No one really knows exactly how anyone else is going to react - they can only guess from previous experiences. But again, this is almost sterotyping them. A lot of makes up a person is how he reacts to things, and if you know how someone would react to everything, it becomes very very boring.

Your post generally boils down to "if you're not yourself, it generally doesn't work, so be yourself". This begs the question of working out who you are, but that's a different topics :-).

I have to admit I don't follow my own advice, and am often found as a wallflower.


Anyway, back to SilverSmoke knocking his pipe out on his godlike upper body.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 13:57   #27
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by sigrid
Guys, sorry to interrupt, but i dont think you should comment my post like that, I actually tried to reply to what he posted, and you guys just chat along about teacups and chairs and thats all fine? How about you create your own bullshit post about that and stop commenting others who for once try to react seriously? I am getting pretty sick of GD nerds who think only their own posts and replies are interesting or hilarious, and cant do anything else then spit on other ppl and neg rep without leaving a name. Grown up.
wow you sure have a lot of hate in you don't you
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 15:07   #28
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Re: My mental state

I'd advise becoming a better human being s|k. However from my, obviously slightly uninformed, perspective you seem fairly normal, even cool, although your current mission to recreate every even vaguely intellectual stereotypical internet thread is kind of baffling. I definitely think you over-rate how GD (I cannot speak for your friends or ex-marine buddies or whatever) would react to any unusual revelations. Frankly I wouldn't care unless you told me you raped and killed children and this was still taking place.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 15:14   #29
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
I definitely think you over-rate how GD (I cannot speak for your friends or ex-marine buddies or whatever) would react to any unusual revelations. Frankly I wouldn't care unless you told me you raped and killed children and this was still taking place.
Perhaps because most of GD do/joke about* fairly morbid things anyway.

*delete asyou think appropriate
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 15:19   #30
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nodrog
I like you s|k
That wasn't my point.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 15:38   #31
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
I definitely think you over-rate how GD (I cannot speak for your friends or ex-marine buddies or whatever) would react to any unusual revelations. Frankly I wouldn't care unless you told me you raped and killed children and this was still taking place.
I don't want to be seen as trying to draw pity for myself.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 15:39   #32
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Re: My mental state

soon you'll be bored and tired of all that emo bullshit and you will go on with your life, don't worry
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 15:45   #33
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Re: My mental state

Take a chance.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 15:59   #34
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
Take a chance.
Maybe. On an interesting side note: When I was in my early teens and living in a group home all the kids living there would be interviewed weekly by a therapist. During my sessions, since I liked to write, I just volunteered my stories and the lady just sat there the entire hour and read them. She never even asked me any questions.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 16:04   #35
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Re: My mental state

I don't exactly have a huge amount of time for therapists. Leave the psychology to the psychos, that's what I say.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 16:18   #36
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Re: My mental state

I go with JBG. I mean, GD isnt filled up with just 100% normal people.

We got Dace, who.. well you know.
We got someone who doesnt wash his trousers for three weeks and is still loved (Dante).
We got a oxford snob who's on some kind of heavy drugs (yahwe).
We got two dutch guys who appears to be a)ghey and married to each other or b) weirdos (koen and theam).
We got a mad redneck (hi Texan )
We got a hardcore commie who thinks marxism is the thingto use on most things (that me).
We got Phil, who meet his girl on the internet and she just lives like 3000km away. Not only that, he is frequently picked on becouse of it, but he doesnt seem to care (phil).

I could mention a few others too, but I think you get the idea s|k.
You are always welcome to pm me on irc if you want to hear some strange sh*t.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 16:24   #37
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by s|k
I know that a lot of you think that i am mentally unstable because of the things that I have posted and the violent way that i can over react to any criticism.

But i'm not a raging psycho at all.

The real reason that i come accross as a raging psycho is because of my 'upbringing'.

but that's secret!!

PS I am not a pycho!
fixed.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 16:56   #38
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
I don't exactly have a huge amount of time for therapists. Leave the psychology to the psychos, that's what I say.
Psychology helpy people are weird. Apparently, before they help other people, they sit around and all tell each other all the awful things that have happened so they can sit and cry forever. So they know how the person feels.

Ever seen a doctor give himself a disease he's trying to cure you of?
Exactly.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 17:08   #39
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by Appocomaster
No one really knows exactly how anyone else is going to react - they can only guess from previous experiences. But again, this is almost sterotyping them. A lot of makes up a person is how he reacts to things, and if you know how someone would react to everything, it becomes very very boring.

Your post generally boils down to "if you're not yourself, it generally doesn't work, so be yourself". This begs the question of working out who you are, but that's a different topics :-).

I have to admit I don't follow my own advice, and am often found as a wallflower.


Anyway, back to SilverSmoke knocking his pipe out on his godlike upper body.
Of course you never know how somebody will react. The point is, that IF the possible reaction bothers you (wich i understood is sort of his fear..) then it works very well to think how rational it is to expect a reaction like the one you fear, and then wonder if you can change the way you think about that reaction.

Lets put it simple. I bought a new dress..i am afraid my friend will say its horrible, wich will make me feel less happy with the dress. I start asking myself why i assume she will dislike it, and then will ask myself why it would bother me if somebody else dislikes what i like.

Sometimes when i think along this structure (with more important issues then a dress obviously) it helps me dealing with the things he has on his mind. I am not saying at all you always have to be yourself or else its shit, i am saying as soon as IT BOTHERS YOU, its time to fix it. Hell, i act totally not like me daily at work and couldnot care less. But i do care towards ppl who matter.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 17:17   #40
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by Appocomaster
Psychology helpy people are weird. Apparently, before they help other people, they sit around and all tell each other all the awful things that have happened so they can sit and cry forever. So they know how the person feels.
What on earth are you talking about, bucko?
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 17:38   #41
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by Appocomaster
That's what old people have been doing for YEARS.

Unlike wearing jeans in a fashionable manner which is a new phenomenon. :P

By the way 'ripped jeans' were fashionable and cool way back in the 80's.


To the point of the thread....

s|k people are always going to make assumptions about you whether on here or in real life. The question is do you really give enough of a damn about these assumptions to stand up and say Hey you're wrong let me tell you the real story. I personally choose to let them make their assumptions and have a giggle or whisper about me or whatever they wish to do. People either like me or they don't. If they don't then they probably have a good reason, and if they don't have a good reason then who cares?

I know the point of this thread was not to encourage people to tell you they like you. That would have been rather silly. But my point is that you shouldn't have to explain yourself if you don't want. People can post as much or as little about themselves as they please on here. I WILL make judgements about people based on their posting. So will everyone else on these boards. They will make judgements on me based on my posting. A lot of these judgements will be false. I see no need to correct them, the people worth knowing will accept you as you are regardless.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 18:16   #42
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Re: My mental state

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
What on earth are you talking about, bucko?
some sort of anti psychologist rant.
I think they're silly, but then I'm probably in denial
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 18:31   #43
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Re: My mental state

I rate psychology just above astrology but slightly below "natural medicinal cures" (I can't remember the good word to describe this all I can think of is holistic but I'm pretty sure that's too broad).
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 18:53   #44
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Re: My mental state

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Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
I rate psychology just above astrology but slightly below "natural medicinal cures" (I can't remember the good word to describe this all I can think of is holistic but I'm pretty sure that's too broad).
New Age medicine.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 19:20   #45
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Re: My mental state

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Originally Posted by sigrid
found out i cared way too much about how other ppl think of me, and would go very far to make sure ppl like me
Yeah I dont think thats working out for you
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 19:50   #46
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Re: My mental state

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Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
I rate psychology just above astrology but slightly below "natural medicinal cures" (I can't remember the good word to describe this all I can think of is holistic but I'm pretty sure that's too broad).
I expect your knowledge of psychology is very limited though, so it's quite an uneducated rating
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 19:59   #47
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Re: My mental state

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Originally Posted by Tomkat
I expect your knowledge of psychology is very limited though, so it's quite an uneducated rating
I expect you're not exactly highly informed on the precise philosophical viewpoints of white nationalism but I dare say you feel fairly comfortable rejecting it based on your supposedly limited knowledge. Obviously there are some parts of psychology which are vaguely useful but for the most part "just above astrology but slightly below new age medicine" (thank you phang).
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 20:04   #48
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Re: My mental state

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Originally Posted by Nodrog
Yeah I dont think thats working out for you
thats why i m not trying:P
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 22:52   #49
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Re: My mental state

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Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
I expect you're not exactly highly informed on the precise philosophical viewpoints of white nationalism but I dare say you feel fairly comfortable rejecting it based on your supposedly limited knowledge.
Actually I wouldn't even start to pretend to have an educated opinion on something I don't know much about (white nationalism, in this case). I guess that's where we differ.

Besides, there is a difference between rejecting white nationalism and rejecting the philosophical viewpoints of it, as I hope you realise.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 22:59   #50
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Re: My mental state

At what point would you say that you have an educated opinion on something and who would decide where precisely this point is? You can often know enough about particular aspects of a subject to form an opinion on it which, unless shown to be incorrect, is probably a good idea to take as the "truth". I have not so far encountered anything which refuted my problems with the vast majority of modern psychology, and I have tried. You don't need to be a mathematician to know that two and two equal four, you don't need to be a doctor to know that having your head chopped off will kill you and you don't need to do a four year course in psychology to know that it's mostly pseudo-scientific gibberish.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
Besides, there is a difference between rejecting white nationalism and rejecting the philosophical viewpoints of it, as I hope you realise.
I don't think you're quite informed enough to make such a broad and sweeping statement in this particular area
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