Planetarion Forums

pig · 14 Apr 2005, 02:16

I work in a petrol station normally the morning shift of 6am to 2pm however this week I have been working nights, ie 3am to 11am. This shift until 6am I am on my own, so I was sitting there finished reading FHM and the Top Gear Magazine. I had a coke, and some crisps, and well I was bored, a customer pulls up at about 4:30am and she comes to the kiosk (she being outside me inside) it was an incredibly good looking women in her mid twenties. She was wearing a rather low cut top, and she kept on leaning over, thus showing me her tits. She left and I was horny. So I took a porn magazine off the shelves, put up the "Back in 5 minutes sign" and proceded to the toilets, there I pleasured myself within 5 minutes, came back. Put the magazine back on the shelf, and carried on working, no customer came till about 5am.

So GD do you do anything as vulgar as me at work?

I did hear that masturbation in the toilets costs american firms 1 billion dollars a year...

Dead_Meat · 14 Apr 2005, 02:23

Why didn't you do the decent thing and ask the young lady round the back with you so you could have a wank with both hands while she turned the pages.

BASIC TECHNIQUE !

I dunno, young people these days....

pig · 14 Apr 2005, 02:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dead_Meat

Why didn't you do the decent thing and ask the young lady round the back with you so you could have a wank with both hands while she turned the pages.

BASIC TECHNIQUE !

I dunno, young people these days....

Its against company policy :P Problem is, I reckon she was slightly drunk and up for it, however I cant let anyone in the shop, which is gay :/

Dead_Meat · 14 Apr 2005, 02:27

What you're basically saying, is that your cock is too small to fit through the little window for her to play with, you're ashamed to show it to girls and that you fantasise about having a cock bigger than a cocktail sausage.

pig · 14 Apr 2005, 02:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dead_Meat

What you're basically saying, is that your cock is too small to fit through the little window for her to play with, you're ashamed to show it to girls and that you fantasise about having a cock bigger than a cocktail sausage.

no.
no.
no.

However by you saying the above are you trying to say something about yourself? I.e do you have a small penis etc...cba to write the rest

Knight Theamion · 14 Apr 2005, 02:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by pig

Its against company policy :P Problem is, I reckon she was slightly drunk and up for it, however I cant let anyone in the shop, which is gay :/

the problem is you might have scored ....

'here is the closet, now come out of it'

pig · 14 Apr 2005, 02:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by Knight Theamion

the problem is you might have scored ....

'here is the closet, now come out of it'

true i probably cud of :/

what closet where?

Knight Theamion · 14 Apr 2005, 02:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by pig

true i probably cud of :/

what closet where?

'WHAT PROBLEM' is the correct question

pig · 14 Apr 2005, 02:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Knight Theamion

'WHAT PROBLEM' is the correct question

i refuse to join the koen and theamion club

Knight Theamion · 14 Apr 2005, 02:56

no i really do not see your problem

Quote:

I had a coke, and some crisps, and well I was bored, a customer pulls up at about 4:30am and she comes to the kiosk (she being outside me inside) it was an incredibly good looking women in her mid twenties. She was wearing a rather low cut top, and she kept on leaning over, thus showing me her tits. She left and I was horny.

you were mostlikely already horny and you had an easy shag with someone you were very attracted to ahead, but somehow that option was a 'problem'

pig · 14 Apr 2005, 03:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flavius

and may the force be with you

always look on the bright side, at least you're not dutch

I heard

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pope

When God lost his touch he created the Dutch

pig · 14 Apr 2005, 03:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flavius

edit: you also forgot the possibility of the girl not being attracted to him

impossible!

Dead_Meat · 14 Apr 2005, 03:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flavius

[04:06:38] <Dead_Meat> i have a confession

[17:05] <Flavius> I have a brilliant future
[17:05] <Flavius> thanks to idi

Knight Theamion · 14 Apr 2005, 03:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flavius

if you read carefully, he said that the problem was that he is not allowed to bring anyone in the shop

stop argueing now. you're behaving like KoeN

edit: you also forgot the possibility of the girl not being attracted to him

and who exactly was supervising him?

i don't think he's supposed to wank at the shop either?

djbass · 14 Apr 2005, 05:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by Knight Theamion

and who exactly was supervising him?

i don't think he's supposed to wank at the shop either?

I imagine, being a servo it would have had a CCTV around

Tomkat · 14 Apr 2005, 06:58

No I haven't masturbated at school.

I think if I was getting horny during the day by teaching teenagers, we'd have a problem on our hands.

Vaio · 14 Apr 2005, 08:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomkat

No I haven't masturbated at school.

I think if I was getting horny during the day by teaching teenagers, we'd have a problem on our hands.

We wouldn't have a problem, we would have a different GD topic to discuss. You however........

~Vaio~

Minty · 14 Apr 2005, 08:47

I have thought about it and actually done it on many occasions.

It is 2nd nature

madi · 14 Apr 2005, 09:29

is there CCTV footage of you picking up a girly magazine and heading to the loo for 5 minutes?
would you not rather get fired for sneaking a girl into the bathroom?

(though unless she was a real skanky slapper i doubt she would have had random sex with a guy who works nights in a petrol station)

Madina · 14 Apr 2005, 09:49

I feel sorry for the person that buys your cum stained porno.

pig · 14 Apr 2005, 10:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by madi

is there CCTV footage of you picking up a girly magazine and heading to the loo for 5 minutes?
would you not rather get fired for sneaking a girl into the bathroom?

(though unless she was a real skanky slapper i doubt she would have had random sex with a guy who works nights in a petrol station)

probably is, but the CCTV isnt that great, i pick up magazines off the shelves all the time and go back to the counter and read them, so its nothing out of the ordinary, plus theres no camera facing the toilets, only one on the kiosk, entrance, and the pumps themselves.

Ste · 14 Apr 2005, 11:31

shudder at this thread.

anyway, I pulled last night! \o/

ChubbyChecker · 14 Apr 2005, 12:46

I don't think I've looked at a porn mag since I was like 13

When you have the internet who needs porn mags! \o/

Minty · 14 Apr 2005, 13:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChubbyChecker

I don't think I've looked at a porn mag since I was like 13

When you have the internet who needs porn mags! \o/

Agreed.

Never picked one up in my life.

Always went to Tescos with a shopping list consisting of raw liver, jam jar, elastic bands and clingfilm*

*not necessarily in that order

Knight Theamion · 14 Apr 2005, 15:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by pig

probably is, but the CCTV isnt that great, i pick up magazines off the shelves all the time and go back to the counter and read them, so its nothing out of the ordinary, plus theres no camera facing the toilets, only one on the kiosk, entrance, and the pumps themselves.

so you could've ****ed her in the toilets, but that would've been a problem!

Filth · 14 Apr 2005, 16:45

i know of 3 incidents of my friends... masturbation often becomes a regular conversation topic of now for some reason

1 was on a plane...got a bit bored so went to the loos
1 has consistenly done so in school toilets he claims as he had to hide from his teacher about some coursework so had nothing to do while in hiding
the 3rd was under a newspaper in his car while waiting for his mum and sister to return from shopping

is masturbation just a more common thing to be discussed now? apparently the majority of females masturbate but just never admit to it unlike men

Marilyn Manson · 14 Apr 2005, 17:25

I masturbate in the office occassionally. It's got no windows, has net access, and I work at night times when no-one is about.

Brilliant!

Ärketrollmannen · 14 Apr 2005, 23:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Filth

the 3rd was under a newspaper in his car while waiting for his mum and sister to return from shopping

is masturbation just a more common thing to be discussed now? apparently the majority of females masturbate but just never admit to it unlike men

were did he "dispose" of it?

and yes.

Minty · 15 Apr 2005, 08:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by Filth

i know of 3 incidents of my friends... masturbation often becomes a regular conversation topic of now for some reason

1 was on a plane...got a bit bored so went to the loos
1 has consistenly done so in school toilets he claims as he had to hide from his teacher about some coursework so had nothing to do while in hiding
the 3rd was under a newspaper in his car while waiting for his mum and sister to return from shopping

is masturbation just a more common thing to be discussed now? apparently the majority of females masturbate but just never admit to it unlike men

I used to do it in the same bedroom as my brother while he was sleeping

And then I moved out

But your friend is a legend

madi · 15 Apr 2005, 13:29

i got smarmed by the attendent while buying petrol yesterday evening
are you in dire need of a shave and haircut and working in leeds ?!?!?!?!

Belgarath The Sorcerer · 15 Apr 2005, 13:46

I work in a petrol station. I hate it. The worst thing is the customers who come in and look down their ****ing noses at you because you work there.

I remember one customer particularly well. He had some sort of problem with his credit card, and I could not help him with it (it was declined, and we aren't told the reason it's declined, just that it is declined) and he starting ranting at me like it was my fault his card was declined. He ranted at me and then said I was 'stupid and thick blah blah'. I said "Actually, I'm in the second year of my BSc in Computer Forensics, and I'm probably far smarter than you ever were. I suggest you give me cash for your pretrol and then go and phone your bank to ask why your credit card was declined." He was too flabbergasted to complain any further. What a **** he was.

And no, I have not masterbated at work. Well, at my current job at least....

G.K Zhukov · 15 Apr 2005, 15:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vaio

We wouldn't have a problem, we would have a different GD topic to discuss. You however........

~Vaio~

Hasnt that subject been up before, like Dace etc, ?

Tomkat · 15 Apr 2005, 18:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Belgarath The Sorcerer

I work in a petrol station. I hate it. The worst thing is the customers who come in and look down their ****ing noses at you because you work there.

I really ****ing hated that, working at the cinema in the holidays.

I could just feel that they thought I was some thick twat. I wanted to scream out "I HAVE A DEGREE AND SOMEDAY MIGHT BE TEACHING YOUR KIDS" but I just gritted my teeth and sweeped up the popcorn.

Marilyn Manson · 15 Apr 2005, 18:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tomkat

but I just gritted my teeth and sweeped up the popcorn.

Did you ejeculate into it?

Tomkat · 15 Apr 2005, 18:19

Does the pope shit in the woods?

Wait.

He's dead.

Does the pope..... live an exciting and fulfilling life?