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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 02:07   #1
taxicabriolet
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Chuck Norris JOKES
post here any Chuck Norris Jokes. Here's a few:

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
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Last edited by taxicabriolet; 15 Feb 2006 at 02:18.
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 02:09   #2
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Q - What do you get if you cross Chuck Norris with a t-rex?

A - Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.



I just made that one up on my own (seriously).

Could you tell?

I bet you thought it was COMEDIC GENIUS!
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 02:13   #3
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
www.chucknorrisfacts.com
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 02:15   #4
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
This has been spreading around the internet like a cancer over the past few weeks. It is years old.
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 02:17   #5
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Not my joke Cooling ... that joke WAS ****ING ORIGINAL LIKE AN ORIGINAL PIE!
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 02:24   #6
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
I was randomly repping people with chuck norris jokes a few weeks ago. :/

Nice first post by the way. Welcome to GD!
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 02:30   #7
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Thanks, heres one I just heard on the radio

A few weeks ago a chinese man won a hot dog eating contest by eating 300 hotdogs in half an hour. Chuck Norris was there. Not wanting to be outdone, Chuck Norris ate 3 chinamen in under a minute.
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 02:32   #8
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by taxicabriolet
Thanks, heres one I just heard on the radio

A few weeks ago a chinese man won a hot dog eating contest by eating 300 hotdogs in half an hour. Chuck Norris was there. Not wanting to be outdone, Chuck Norris ate 3 chinamen in under a minute.
Wow, these are great. Keep 'em comming.
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 02:36   #9
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by s|k
Wow, these are great. Keep 'em comming. :)


is this what S|K sarcasm looks like?
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 02:38   #10
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Chuck Norris sells the 'Total Gym' workout machine as a weapon of mass destruction. When the box arrives at your house and you open it, instead of finding a Total Gym inside, you open the box to get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris who mailed himself. He then scolds you for buying such a worthless piece of crap.

Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 02:44   #11
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
When God said, "Let there be Light!", Chuck Norris replied; "Say please."


Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

These are a month old though. Could possibly add www.ultimateshowdown.org
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 03:57   #12
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Oh my
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 09:21   #13
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Scoots Magoo has a lot to answer for.
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 12:30   #14
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Vin Diesel was the first, or so I thought.
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 13:01   #15
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by idimmu
Read
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I'll take it under advisement.
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 13:48   #16
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Why has the whole internet gone chuck norris crazy?
Did i miss something?
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 14:12   #17
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by noah02
Why has the whole internet gone chuck norris crazy?

AYB.
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 16:13   #18
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
http://www.warcraftmovies.com/movieview.php?id=15118

Bit of chuck norris luving

p.s sorry if posted before aint been around a while.
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 21:28   #19
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
http://fun.drno.de/pics/english/chuck_actionjeans.jpg
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Unread 15 Feb 2006, 23:37   #20
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by noah02
Why has the whole internet gone chuck norris crazy?
Did i miss something?
i believe it was Jon Stewart from the Daily Show on Comedy Central which got the ball rolling when he had that lever that he pulled randomly during the show and a Chuck Norris clip would play
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Unread 16 Feb 2006, 18:17   #21
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
it was conan, not jon stewart.
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Unread 16 Feb 2006, 18:18   #22
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barrow|Pony
it was conan, not jon stewart.
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Unread 18 Feb 2006, 00:59   #23
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES

koen = pwned
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Unread 18 Feb 2006, 11:14   #24
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
This has been all over World of Warcraft for about 3 months
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Unread 20 Mar 2006, 21:58   #25
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "Its not me, its you".
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Unread 20 Mar 2006, 22:08   #26
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rids
This has been all over World of Warcraft for about 3 months
This would be the reason no-one else heard about it, as most WoW players appear to spend most of their spare time in front of a PC wanking over night-elves or something...
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Unread 20 Mar 2006, 22:23   #27
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
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Originally Posted by idimmu
Read
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Post
tl;dr
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Unread 20 Mar 2006, 23:19   #28
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Re: Chuck Norris JOKES
Quote:
Originally Posted by KoeN
Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "Its not me, its you".
A bump of this magnitude makes baby jesus cry
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