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13 Jan 2006, 13:49
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#1
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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I ****ing hate hospitals
So last friday night I had my appendix out (too much alcohol in it lol) which was equal parts painful and agony until they gave me a painkiller that resembled one of those horse tranquilizers I imagine deepflow takes. Afterwards I spent two and a half days or so in a ward recovering. Originally I'd been referred in by the doctor to Accident and Emergency but by about 6 on friday evening this was full (literally full) so they opened up the "day ward" upstairs (this is where people spend like 6 hours recovering from minor operations that the hospital does during the week so at night-times and during the weekend it's unoccupied. Now obviously fair dues to whoever had the intelligence to open it up but clearly the hospital wasn't really set-up to cope with it. The "main" nurse we had (there was four of us there) was on duty for about 36 hours over the weekend I reckon. Frankly I think your efficiency and awareness levels are going to be significantly lower after an eighteen hour shift.
Then there was the smell. HOLY ****ING SHIT WHAT THE **** IS THAT SMELL? It's not that bad but god it's weird and confusing. Old people deodrant, drugs and hospital cleanser or whatever. I did appreciate the painkillers I was pumped full off so I could sleep each night though. Those were nice. Especially seeing as on the last night when I didn't get any drugs the old people snoring kept me awake all night. Plus one of them had chronic bronchitis and ephezema and that was like having the cold clammy hand of death sneaking up on you when he coughed. To continue the list of negatives I was unable to shower so the hospital smell was all over me which was just horrible. At least I know the smell I'll be spending eternity with in a small rotting box six feet underneath the ground though.
As my second meal after I recovered they gave me sausages and rashers. Now I'm not sure if you know much about medicine or appendisectomies (I think that's how you spell it) or anything but sausages are about the worst thing you can give someone after one, right up there with a swift kick to the right side of the abdomen. If it wasn't for the fact I have a mother who is a nurse I probably would have ended up eating them and spent a few hours rolling around in agony on my bed, or something far less severe but no doubt unpleasant. You also get horrible trapped wind, something like a quarter of the time, due to the fact your bowel stops moving (yeah I know I was disgusted when they explained it to me as well) under a general anaesthetic. The one plus side was that one of my doctors was insanely hot and god what I would have given to be physically able to give her some medical assistance (by this I mean feed her my cock). Anyways horrible experience, down with mild socialist approaches or up with more comprehensive socialist systems I'm not positive here either way, and here's to more hot doctors in hospitals nationwide.
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Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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13 Jan 2006, 14:06
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#2
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NEWSBOT
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: The enby cave!
Posts: 4,872
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Clearly you need to put some people bothering Incubusgod into hospital.
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[20:27:47] <nodrog-aawy> **** i think my housemate just caught me masturbating
[11:25:32] <idimmu> you are a little piggy arent you
[13:17:00] <KaneED> i'm so closet i'm like narnia
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Pretty parks and funky scrap metal things here
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13 Jan 2006, 14:12
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#3
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Lord Denning
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: City of London
Posts: 2,548
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
At least I know the smell I'll be spending eternity with in a small rotting box six feet underneath the ground though.
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Don't worry - sooner or later your nose is bound to rot away.
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Please bear in mind when reading the above post that I am always right.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson
He was crowned in York Cathedral as 'Expert in the West' by Pope Urban III in 1186.
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13 Jan 2006, 14:19
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#4
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mmm lambs
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: London
Posts: 1,906
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
I quite like the hospital smell
When I had my appendix out they give me a morphine drip and all I had to do was push a little button to inject more of the stuff into me \o/ I don't think I suffered any pain though the first couple of days are a bit blurry.
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I drink therefore I am
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13 Jan 2006, 18:40
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#5
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Has Soup On His Head
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 10,095
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
I had mine out when I was 14
This means I was in the childrens ward, had a pool table, TV , and nurses all over the age of 40, with the exception of the male nurses. And no stench of death following me around everywhere i went, although being bathed at age 14 by a man 10 years your elder who you cant hold a conversation with because youre taking said horse tranqs to stop the pain, isnt an experience to behold.
Neither is the fact that you cant eat solids for a week, or any liquids other than water for at least 4 days, so your painkillers go in rectally (JBG left this one out, I assume to protect his drunken irish psychopath reputation).
I asked for mine back afterward when I found out it was being kept in a jar. They wouldnt give me it. Bastards!
__________________
And the Banker, inspired with a courage so new
It was matter for general remark,
Rushed madly ahead and was lost to their view
In his zeal to discover the Snark
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13 Jan 2006, 18:48
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#6
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Nah dude mine were injected. The injections were in the bum though as you seem to be rather interested in that whole area. I forgot to ask for my appendix
Also I was only off water for about 12 hours and solid food for 36.
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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13 Jan 2006, 19:33
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#7
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mmm lambs
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: London
Posts: 1,906
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
I was off foods for about 3 days and any liquids for 2. Was so thirsty, became hell just watering my lips to stop them cracking as they were so dry.
My drugs were administered a lot better than yours though, one nice venflon in the hand, left there for a few days and sorted out everything. Though the long line before I had the operation was a bit of a bitch.
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I drink therefore I am
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13 Jan 2006, 19:45
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#8
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WANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAW
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Éire
Posts: 2,738
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Hey I hear you. My trip to hospital two years ago was equally as horrific.
I had severe abdominal pains and a ****ed up intestine. I was placed in semi-private room....which had 6 people in it. The guy next to me was dying of throat cancer, was senile and was being fed through a tube in his stomach. He also had to have an adult nappy.
He should have been in the hospice. But there was no room.
There was on old man with a gallbladder problem. Meaning he farted every 10 seconds.
There was an old seinle man who would shout "Mary" any time the light was turned out.
The place stunk, and I mean stunk of shit.
The old guy got diarrrhoea and shat himself every15 minutes. In the end the overstretched nurses just stopped chainging him for hours at a time.
The smell permanantly lodged itself into my nostrels. At one point I actually dragged myself out of bed at 4am, pulled the drip with me and begged the nurses to change him or move me.
The only thing that kept me sane was a guy around my age who came in, like you, to get his appendix out. We used to retreat out of the wards whenever we were able. Just to escape the carnage.
Ever since then I can't stand the idea of going to hospital here.
The Health Service here is an overcrowded joke.
Sorry to hear it was so utterly shit. Feeling better? Got any out-patient check up's with the super hot doctor?
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I came, I saw, I shouldn't mix pleasure with carpentry.
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13 Jan 2006, 19:51
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#9
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Yeah I feel better pretty much every day. Supposed to be going out for a few quiet pints tomorrow, which will no doubt turn into a very unhealthy extended drinking binge
No check ups though, got my stitches out by my local GP.
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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13 Jan 2006, 19:56
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#10
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WANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAW
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Éire
Posts: 2,738
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
Yeah I feel better pretty much every day. Supposed to be going out for a few quiet pints tomorrow, which will no doubt turn into a very unhealthy extended drinking binge
No check ups though, got my stitches out by my local GP.
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"Here's to Johnny, who's just recovering from massive abdominal surgery! Cheers!"
Hey, it's one less organ to soak up the alcohol, meaning a cheaper night out!
Quote:
Originally Posted by NEWSBOT3
Clearly you need to put some people bothering Incubusgod into hospital.
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What the hell does this mean by the way?
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I came, I saw, I shouldn't mix pleasure with carpentry.
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13 Jan 2006, 20:38
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#11
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Has Soup On His Head
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 10,095
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
Nah dude mine were injected. The injections were in the bum though as you seem to be rather interested in that whole area. I forgot to ask for my appendix
Also I was only off water for about 12 hours and solid food for 36.
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I guess as a kid, this kind of thing scars you for life. I have a pretty solid fear of things going into my rectum, and when, after a dose of food poisoning, i was given suppositories, i quite literally told the doc to shove them up his arse.
I remember getting a painkilling injection at 4 in the morning or something in the bum though, and screaming like a girl. Mainly because it was 4am, id just woken up, and I had no idea where the **** I was or why those old women were turning me over with a needle in their hands.
__________________
And the Banker, inspired with a courage so new
It was matter for general remark,
Rushed madly ahead and was lost to their view
In his zeal to discover the Snark
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13 Jan 2006, 21:12
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#12
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WANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAW
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Éire
Posts: 2,738
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurashima
I guess as a kid, this kind of thing scars you for life. I have a pretty solid fear of things going into my rectum, and when, after a dose of food poisoning, i was given suppositories, i quite literally told the doc to shove them up his arse.
I remember getting a painkilling injection at 4 in the morning or something in the bum though, and screaming like a girl. Mainly because it was 4am, id just woken up, and I had no idea where the **** I was or why those old women were turning me over with a needle in their hands.
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Actually I got all my painkillers as injections into the arse, no suppositoiries thank god. Anyone find that they worked best the first day, then their effect was a hell of a lot less pronounced?
__________________
I came, I saw, I shouldn't mix pleasure with carpentry.
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14 Jan 2006, 01:15
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#13
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Quote:
Originally Posted by midge5
I quite like the hospital smell
When I had my appendix out they give me a morphine drip and all I had to do was push a little button to inject more of the stuff into me \o/ I don't think I suffered any pain though the first couple of days are a bit blurry.
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Hahaha my friends brother used to have one of them when he had his out.... My friend would go round and start hammering the button to see how his little brother would react to too much morphine.....
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14 Jan 2006, 01:19
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#14
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USS Oklahoma
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,500
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Thank god I live in a civilized country.
Socialized medicine. What do you expect.
America where only the poor have to accept such substandard treatment.
Private healh insurance and lots of money. \o/
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Ignorance is curable, stupidity is not.
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14 Jan 2006, 01:26
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#15
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
A true ubermensch wouldn't need medicene Jonny. You disgust me
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14 Jan 2006, 01:30
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#16
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante Hicks
A true ubermensch wouldn't need medicene Jonny. You disgust me
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I was considering ripping apart my abdomen and then tearing out my appendix with my bare hands but this choice had more free drugs involved
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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14 Jan 2006, 01:32
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#17
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Quote:
Originally Posted by dda
Thank god I live in a civilized country.
Socialized medicine. What do you expect.
America where only the poor have to accept such substandard treatment.
Private healh insurance and lots of money. \o/
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We can't pay for private treatment in the UK?
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14 Jan 2006, 01:55
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#18
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mmm lambs
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: London
Posts: 1,906
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Quote:
Originally Posted by dda
Thank god I live in a civilized country.
Socialized medicine. What do you expect.
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One needle and I got to fill myself with morphine every minute for as long as I wanted. For free! I think I got a pretty good deal.
__________________
I drink therefore I am
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14 Jan 2006, 02:17
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#19
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chunderbunny
We can't pay for private treatment in the UK?
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I did.
Once.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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14 Jan 2006, 02:31
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#20
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 227
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blastoderm
I did.
Once.
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Sell your parents into slavery?
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14 Jan 2006, 02:54
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#21
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: I ****ing hate hospitals
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chunderbunny
Sell your parents into slavery?
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Wish I could but no.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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