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Unread 5 Aug 2005, 00:08   #1
Vaio
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Jolene
My local Asda has started playing this f'kin song over and over again for some reason and it's just struck me now that while Miss Dolly Parton can talk about Jolene's beauty and how it is beyond compare, her flaming locks of auburn hair, ivory skin and eyes of emerald green and perhaps mention that Jolene's smile is like a breath of spring and that her voice is soft like summer rain it might have been better if Dolly had reminded Jolone that she has tits the size of Melons and therefore Jolene cannot steal her man.
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Unread 5 Aug 2005, 01:24   #2
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Re: Jolene
On the subject of Dolly Parton, something that's always annoyed me (and for some reason has been stuck in my head for years as if I must have known subconsciously that one day I'd be posting about it on a message board after midnight when the brain's internal filter that makes one reconsider before pressing the 'post reply' button is strangely absent) is this bit of the song 'Dolly Parton's Tits' by the awful Chubby Brown...
Quote:
'Cos they're so big and soft and round
And they don't make a sound
Big and soft and round, I'll give him that, he's on topic there, but the next line?
Why does he feel the need to tell us they're silent? Did he imagine that somehow the sound they make (or indeed the lack of it) is something his audience would be wondering about?

"Yes Chubby, we appreciate their size and texture, but please, tell us of their aural qualities?"

If he was struggling for a rhyme, perhaps he could have used "and they drag on the ground", or perhaps reworded it completely to give some sense of the terrible back pain she probably suffers.

Note to self - if I ever attain a position of power, remember to have him killed.
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Unread 5 Aug 2005, 10:09   #3
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Re: Jolene
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Originally Posted by 1-X
Note to self - if I ever attain a position of power, remember to have him killed.
I fully support this plan, perhaps some kind of pact saying that if any of us ever reach a position of power then Chubby Brown will be killed would be preferable.

He always has crappy comedy DVDs in Woolworths, and every now and again, i see people buying them.

what a cruel cruel world
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Unread 5 Aug 2005, 10:12   #4
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Re: Jolene
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1-X
Big and soft and round, I'll give him that, he's on topic there, but the next line?
It could be that he thinks that she makes such a godawful sound in the normal course of things that a body part of hers that's silent is a terrible boon.
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Unread 5 Aug 2005, 10:14   #5
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Re: Jolene
I listened to 'Jolene' on my way to work this morning.
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Unread 5 Aug 2005, 10:49   #6
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Re: Jolene
Definitely a song for divorced women, after my dad left my old dear played this song constantly for about 3 years which possibly caused more mental trauma for my siblings and I then the break up its self. So i dare say the store manager at that ASDA is a woman who is going through/gone through a break up with her husband and this song somehow eases the pain or gives her strength.

Funny how people have songs for different things such as Raining Men = hen night, Angels by Robert Williams for Weddings etc., YMCA = anything gay, i'm sure there are loads more but i can't think of them right now.
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Unread 5 Aug 2005, 10:57   #7
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Re: Jolene
Jolene?

Never heard of it...
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Unread 5 Aug 2005, 11:29   #8
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Re: Jolene
Quote:
Originally Posted by PSH
Funny how people have songs for different things such as Raining Men = hen night, Angels by Robert Williams for Weddings etc., YMCA = anything gay,
i'm afraid you'll find it's raining men is a far more popular gay anthem.

YMCA has no basis in fact as a gay anthem, rather it has become a sort of accepted lie by virtue of frequent repition.
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Unread 5 Aug 2005, 14:21   #9
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Re: Jolene
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1-X
Big and soft and round, I'll give him that, he's on topic there, but the next line?
Why does he feel the need to tell us they're silent? Did he imagine that somehow the sound they make (or indeed the lack of it) is something his audience would be wondering about?
Maybe Dolly uses a particularly special form of silicon that means when they rub together they don't make that horrible 'squeak squeak' noise you get when you rub bits of polystyrene together.
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Unread 5 Aug 2005, 14:23   #10
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Exclamation Re: Jolene
Most of the breasts I have squuezed have made a squeaking noise.
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Unread 5 Aug 2005, 14:25   #11
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Re: Jolene
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead_Meat
Maybe Dolly uses a particularly special form of silicon that means when they rub together they don't make that horrible 'squeak squeak' noise you get when you rub bits of polystyrene together.
I'd have thought they would sound like inflated water bottles.
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Unread 5 Aug 2005, 18:41   #12
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Re: Jolene
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deepflow
I fully support this plan, perhaps some kind of pact saying that if any of us ever reach a position of power then Chubby Brown will be killed would be preferable.

He always has crappy comedy DVDs in Woolworths, and every now and again, i see people buying them.

what a cruel cruel world
If any of you can induce Mr. Brown to commit a murder in San Joaquin County, I might be able to help.
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