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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:12   #1
CrashTester
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Unhappy I need help from Muslim or some other relationship guru

Last night I accused my long term girlfriend of cheating. Now she wont even talk to me!

I had suspected it for a little while, I could tell she as being less than honest by some of the odd looks she gave me to cetain things that happened before and she acted a bit suspicious at times. It was really getting to me and I had no choice but to ask outright if she was cheating, well it was more like accuse her really.

She denied it at first but when I kept on about getting the feeling she was lying she finally cracked and confessed. She cried a lot and I told her not to and that everything was going to be OK, but she wouldn't really talk about it. We went to bed and everything wasnt really sorted now today she hasnt really spoken to me at all, either in person, over the phone and she also is ingoring my texts.

I think it may be over between us. But I dont want it to be, she is so lovely and it was such a trivial thing. I love her so much.

So I am asking Muslim and other relationship guru's what I should do so I dont lose this girl?
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:15   #2
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Quote:
Originally posted by Toccata & Fugue
Why did you ask her then?
To be honest it got rediculously blatant and I couldnt stand it no more.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:16   #3
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I just dropped in

To see what condition my condition was in.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:20   #4
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Do you live together?
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:20   #5
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I pushed my soul in a deep dark hole and then I followed it in
I watched myself crawlin' out as I was a - crawlin' in
I got up so tight I couldn't unwind
I saw so much I broke my mind
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:21   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ärketrollmannen
Do you live together?
Yes we do
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:22   #7
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Complete with bowling porn film, if you're watching The Big Lebowski that is.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:25   #8
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Monogamy is stup...oh, you know the rest.

To be honest, you'll get over the issue itself (which is trivial), but you'll remain bitter. The best course of action would be to go and sleep with someone else. That'll make you feel better at least.

The real concern is whether she wishes to continue the relationship with either you or this fellow. You might be able to make some kind of arrangement either way.

Is fidelity that important to you? Are you insecure about yourself?

If the answer to both these questions is "Yes" then you're probably screwed.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:26   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by Toccata & Fugue
Classic film. Doesn't really help Mr. Crashtetser.
The last few days films have been The Big Lebowski, Mallrats and This is Spinal Tap.

Suggestions for tonight's?
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:28   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by Toccata & Fugue
Annie Hall.
Don't have it on my hdd

Try again :|
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:30   #11
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I was thinking about Donnie Darko for tonight actually, it was Brodie's rants about superheroes in Mallrats that reminded me of it.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:30   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Toccata & Fugue
Classic film. Doesn't really help Mr. Crashtester though.
No but I could really use a bowling porn film if we dont get this sorted.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:32   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by CrashTester
No but I could really use a bowling porn film if we dont get this sorted.
It's got a reasonable amount of Julianne Moore on display, but if you like that kind of thing Boogie Nights would probably be better as she plays a porn star.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:33   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by CrashTester
Yes we do
Does she love you?
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:34   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dante Hicks

Monogamy is stup...oh, you know the rest.

To be honest, you'll get over the issue itself (which is trivial), but you'll remain bitter. The best course of action would be to go and sleep with someone else. That'll make you feel better at least.

The real concern is whether she wishes to continue the relationship with either you or this fellow. You might be able to make some kind of arrangement either way.

Is fidelity that important to you? Are you insecure about yourself?

If the answer to both these questions is "Yes" then you're probably screwed.

Nah, I like manogamy.

I am already over it but she seems a little more upset, perhaps because it was her that cheated and not me.

What fellow?

I am secure - what's fidelity got to do with anything?
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:34   #16
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ärketrollmannen
Does she love you?
I think so.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:42   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dante Hicks
Monogamy is stup...
I disagree, without monogamy nothing would EVER get done.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:46   #18
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Quote:
Originally posted by CrashTester
I think so.
Then why did she cheat on you?

And how much did she cheat?

And for how long, was it one night when she fooled around with someone or has she had sex with him sixteen times?
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:49   #19
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ärketrollmannen
Then why did she cheat on you?

And how much did she cheat?

And for how long, was it one night when she fooled around with someone or has she had sex with him sixteen times?
I think she did it to get an advantage over me.

It was just last night that she cheated, she didnt fool around with anyone else as far as I know, I would dump her if she did that!
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 14:57   #20
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wtf with my relationship experiences if my gf had done anything wrong I would be the one not talking to HER. What kind of a weak willed fool are you, shes trying to gain control of the situation, by making you feel guilty, you'll take her back and forgive her, then she can get on with anything she wants.

What you should do is give her one final text that you need to talk, then you stop trying to contact her, and infact try and avoid her for a couple of days, this will then bring the power in the situation back to you, at which point you can do what you want, hopefully anyway, or just dump her.

BUT have you considered that she isnt very good at dumping people and as such made everything so blatant to the point where you forced the issue and dumped her? which is why maybe she isnt talking to you?? in which case sleep with her best friend unless shes ugly, then fck her brother.

i dunno, women are odd.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:04   #21
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This way I evaded the question by spilling my point.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:06   #22
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Quote:
Originally posted by Toccata & Fugue
The advantage being that she is a cheating ho?
Well she poved she is last night but I really cant hold it against her, I'm sure she didnt mean anything by it. I cant understand why she now wont talk to me. I assume she feels ashamed of what she did. But how do I make her not feel ashamed so she will talk to me?
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:08   #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by CrashTester
Well she poved she is last night but I really cant hold it against her, I'm sure she didnt mean anything by it. I cant understand why she now wont talk to me. I assume she feels ashamed of what she did. But how do I make her not feel ashamed so she will talk to me?

you're a disgrace to the male sex


EDIT

not meant in an overly harsh way but i mean come on, she makes it blatant that shes cheating, and you think shes feeling ashamed?
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:10   #24
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nusselt
wtf with my relationship experiences if my gf had done anything wrong I would be the one not talking to HER. What kind of a weak willed fool are you, shes trying to gain control of the situation, by making you feel guilty, you'll take her back and forgive her, then she can get on with anything she wants.

What you should do is give her one final text that you need to talk, then you stop trying to contact her, and infact try and avoid her for a couple of days, this will then bring the power in the situation back to you, at which point you can do what you want, hopefully anyway, or just dump her.

BUT have you considered that she isnt very good at dumping people and as such made everything so blatant to the point where you forced the issue and dumped her? which is why maybe she isnt talking to you?? in which case sleep with her best friend unless shes ugly, then fck her brother.

i dunno, women are odd.
Its not really that big a deal that I should stop talking to her, I just dont know why she wont talk to me. She wouldnt get it on with anyone else, I know her, she isnt like that.

Dude you are one harsh muther fukker if you would give your girl one last text before dumping her if you was in my situation. I have a heart man.

I dont think she wants to dump me at all, its not that serious and I certainly dont want to dump her over something so silly.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:10   #25
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nuss is partly correct.
Gotta take the power back!

I don't know. I've never been able to cope with a partner fcuking someone else.

"So you wanted to fcuk someone who wasn't me?"
"This man is better than me somehow?"
"You're not completely happy with me?"

But i'm probably a bit nieve about this.

Perhaps it means there are problems in your own relationship that needed to be sorted out. It'll probably happen like nuss said -her getting the power back, and going onto do what she did before-.

I'd probably just leave. But then i was in the same situation but i didn't leave because i loved her. So i ended up being shet on even more.

Get drunk? That always seems to clarify things.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:11   #26
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nusselt
you're a disgrace to the male sex
Why, because Im not hot headed and do stupid things?
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:12   #27
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Quote:
Originally posted by CrashTester
Well she poved she is last night but I really cant hold it against her, I'm sure she didnt mean anything by it. I cant understand why she now wont talk to me. I assume she feels ashamed of what she did. But how do I make her not feel ashamed so she will talk to me?
Just give her time.

Please for the love of god dont say something like

'PLEASE TALK TO ME IT'S OK. YOU DIDNT MEAN TO DO IT. FORGET ABOUT IT. COME HERE...'

edit: she's probably not talking to you because she's waiting for you to forggive her of all sins, so she can get the power back, so she can do them again. however, if im being too cynical. she's probably just thinking.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:14   #28
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Quote:
Originally posted by Weeks
nuss is partly correct.
Gotta take the power back!

I don't know. I've never been able to cope with a partner fcuking someone else.

"So you wanted to fcuk someone who wasn't me?"
"This man is better than me somehow?"
"You're not completely happy with me?"

But i'm probably a bit nieve about this.

Perhaps it means there are problems in your own relationship that needed to be sorted out. It'll probably happen like nuss said -her getting the power back, and going onto do what she did before-.

I'd probably just leave. But then i was in the same situation but i didn't leave because i loved her. So i ended up being shet on even more.

Get drunk? That always seems to clarify things.
She didnt fcuk somebody else man - where's that coming from??

Our relationship was fine before last night. I just wished I hadnt said she was a cheat that is all.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:14   #29
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Quote:
Originally posted by CrashTester
Why, because Im not hot headed and do stupid things?

no because you sound like

Quote:
Originally posted by CrashTester
'PLEASE TALK TO ME IT'S OK. YOU DIDNT MEAN TO DO IT. FORGET ABOUT IT. COME HERE...'
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:16   #30
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Quote:
Originally posted by Weeks
Just give her time.

Please for the love of god dont say something like

'PLEASE TALK TO ME IT'S OK. YOU DIDNT MEAN TO DO IT. FORGET ABOUT IT. COME HERE...'
Maybe she does need time, but that is exactly what I did say to her and will continue to say to her. It was only a game, ffs
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:18   #31
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Quote:
Originally posted by CrashTester
She didnt fcuk somebody else man - where's that coming from??
I define cheating as - 'fcucking someone else'

Am i wrong? What did she do? Just kiss another guy?
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:18   #32
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Quote:
Originally posted by CrashTester
It was only a game, ffs

now im thinking 'wtf'
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:19   #33
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*click*
Impressively funny.
Better than the chest joke.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:30   #34
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Quote:
Originally posted by Weeks
I define cheating as - 'fcucking someone else'

Am i wrong? What did she do? Just kiss another guy?
no ffs, we was playing Monopoly and she was banker but kept giving herself extra notes when she passed go. The only person she screwed as me, to the tune of all hotels on Mayfair and Park Lane, ffs.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:35   #35
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Ever see a film called Brewsters Millions?

It's basiclly about a guy who likes spending money far too much. Because of this his dying millionare relative makes his spend $30 mil in order that he gets his true inheritence of $300 mil.

You see where I'm going with this?

Pimp yer gf out. Eventually she'll be so sick of sleeping around and will never do it again. Innit.

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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:36   #36
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this was actually quite good.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 15:55   #37
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Quote:
Originally posted by CrashTester
no ffs, we was playing Monopoly and she was banker but kept giving herself extra notes when she passed go. The only person she screwed as me, to the tune of all hotels on Mayfair and Park Lane, ffs.
heh...

probably best to try and talk it over....if she wont talk to you let it be for a while...if she loves you and i dont doubt it as you seem to be a very nice man...she'll come back to you....question is why did you mention it...and then feel sorry for mentioning it...next time think things over before ringing the division bell....it will get you nothing taking course A and then regretting it....just try to talk to her in a normal and sensible way...if she loves you she'll talk to you no matter what, if in a week she's still acting up, dumpage ahoy...i know its harsh but hey you cant stay together this way..my advice WORK IT OUT! AND GOOD LUCK!
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 17:59   #38
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Re: I need help from Muslim or some other relationship guru

Quote:
Originally posted by CrashTester
Last night I accused my long term girlfriend of cheating. Now she wont even talk to me!

I had suspected it for a little while, I could tell she as being less than honest by some of the odd looks she gave me to cetain things that happened before and she acted a bit suspicious at times. It was really getting to me and I had no choice but to ask outright if she was cheating, well it was more like accuse her really.

She denied it at first but when I kept on about getting the feeling she was lying she finally cracked and confessed. She cried a lot and I told her not to and that everything was going to be OK, but she wouldn't really talk about it. We went to bed and everything wasnt really sorted now today she hasnt really spoken to me at all, either in person, over the phone and she also is ingoring my texts.

I think it may be over between us. But I dont want it to be, she is so lovely and it was such a trivial thing. I love her so much.

So I am asking Muslim and other relationship guru's what I should do so I dont lose this girl?

You dont deserve to reproduce. This girl has sense!
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 18:14   #39
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In the right light, study becomes insight
But the system that dissed us
Teaches us to read and write

So called facts are fraud
They want us to allege and pledge
And bow down to their God
Lost the culture, the culture lost
Spun our minds and through time
Ignorance has taken over
Yo, we gotta take the power back!
Bam! Here's the plan
Mother**** Uncle Sam
Step back, I know who I am
Raise up your ear, I'll drop the style and clear
It's the beats and the lyrics they fear
The rage is relentless
We need a movement with a quickness
You are the witness of change
And to counteract
We gotta take the power back

We gotta take the power back
We gotta take the power back

The present curriculum
I put my fist in 'em
Eurocentric every last one of 'em
See right through the red, white and blue disguise
With lecture I puncture the structure of lies
Installed in our minds and attempting
To hold us back
We've got to take it back
'Cause holes in our spirit causin' tears and fears
One-sided stories for years and years and years
I'm inferior? Who's inferior?
Yea, we need to check the interior
Of the system that cares about only one culture
And that is why
We gotta take the power back

We gotta take the power back
We gotta take the power back

The teacher stands in front of the class
But the lesson plan he can't recall
The student's eyes don't perceive the lies
Bouning off every ****ing wall
His composure is well kept
I guess he fears playing the fool
The complacent students sit and listen to some of that
Bull**** that he learned in school

Europe ain't my rope to swing on
Can't learn a thing from it
Yet we hang from it
Gotta get it, gotta get it together then
Like the mother****in' weathermen
To expose and close the doors on those who try
To strangle and mangle the truth
'Cause the circle of hatred continues unless we react
We gotta take the power back

We gotta take the power back
We gotta take the power back

No more lies
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His awsome first reply stunned the jury with its focused and determined yet elegant short demand of an answer to what the hell this was all about.
It went like this:

Originally posted by Spieprzaj
what?
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 18:18   #40
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that muslim was mentioned in the title made me suspicious.
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 19:12   #41
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Angry

very *very* intricate behavior. Personally I would guess that she is testing who was the greater courage.

she is playing with you, shes bluffing to see who will crack first. Its blatant that she knows she is the one to blame. The fact that you threw that to her face means nothing, and in any way reasons her to be upset with you.

If she is not playing, then she doesnt like you, and she is just building up the courage to dump you.

In short, this kind of behaviour is bad. Very bad.

If you are sure that she cheated you, and still she behaves like that, you are in bad ****.


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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 19:38   #42
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*most amusing post of...uhmm well..this week
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 20:41   #43
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Quote:
Originally posted by CrashTester
no ffs, we was playing Monopoly and she was banker but kept giving herself extra notes when she passed go. The only person she screwed as me, to the tune of all hotels on Mayfair and Park Lane, ffs.
People who cheat at monopoly obviously aren't worth having around. She not talking to you is probably an insidous ploy to keep you from realising this.

If you deign to keep her, you obviously need to redress the balance between of power between you two again though. Any sisters, cute friends of hers might be good places to start your own counter-cheats (be carefull it doesn't escalate though)
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Unread 3 Sep 2003, 20:55   #44
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i laughed.
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Unread 4 Sep 2003, 09:55   #45
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Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
very *very* intricate behavior. Personally I would guess that she is testing who was the greater courage.

she is playing with you, shes bluffing to see who will crack first. Its blatant that she knows she is the one to blame. The fact that you threw that to her face means nothing, and in any way reasons her to be upset with you.

If she is not playing, then she doesnt like you, and she is just building up the courage to dump you.

In short, this kind of behaviour is bad. Very bad.

If you are sure that she cheated you, and still she behaves like that, you are in bad ****.


Thanks dude, I knew you would make sense of it all. But there has been a slight development.

When she came home last night I was expecting much of the same - silence and not wanting to talk about it - but in fact she brought me a gift!

She had picked up a lovely chess set for me with Star Wars pieces instead of the usual ones. She said she was sorry that she cheated the other night and was being silly for not speaking to me. I said that everything was OK and that we should just forget about it. So we did, kinda..

To celebrate working things out we had a few games of chess together. We played maybe 2 or 3 times and I never won once.

Now I'm not going to accuse her of cheating again but I swear to god she was never that good at chess! I watched her closely and didnt see her do anything odd except for when she tried to claim her queen could take two pieces in a single move, I though she was just being dumb.

Thing is, if she wasn't cheating and I'm now thinking she was or did, then how will we ever work this out? I didnt say anything last night but I had a very restless night last night just thinking about it, and its on my mind again today. I just can t get this feeling out of my head that she has cheated me again!

Help me man.
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Unread 4 Sep 2003, 11:21   #46
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Re: I need help from Muslim or some other relationship guru

Quote:
Originally posted by CrashTester
Last night I accused my long term girlfriend of cheating. Now she wont even talk to me!

I had suspected it for a little while, I could tell she as being less than honest by some of the odd looks she gave me to cetain things that happened before and she acted a bit suspicious at times. It was really getting to me and I had no choice but to ask outright if she was cheating, well it was more like accuse her really.

She denied it at first but when I kept on about getting the feeling she was lying she finally cracked and confessed. She cried a lot and I told her not to and that everything was going to be OK, but she wouldn't really talk about it. We went to bed and everything wasnt really sorted now today she hasnt really spoken to me at all, either in person, over the phone and she also is ingoring my texts.

I think it may be over between us. But I dont want it to be, she is so lovely and it was such a trivial thing. I love her so much.

So I am asking Muslim and other relationship guru's what I should do so I dont lose this girl?
Answer:

You are a silly moron. You cant go outright shouting "you cheated on me.." over and over again. not until you have solid evidence.

She cracked and confessed because she was ashamed she did it, she obviously l;oves you but now feels its over between you as you have been so pushy about it.

the only advice i can give you is to show her you still love her and you can get over this.

Dinner, flowers, a nice chat over coffee.. i dunno.. but show her you care and that its not a big thing and your will get the answer you widh for.

<End of rant>
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Unread 4 Sep 2003, 11:34   #47
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Someone hasn't read the rest of the thread.
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Unread 4 Sep 2003, 13:44   #48
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The ex ex miss Woof fooled around, i smiled and forgave her.
The ex ex miss Woof fooled around again, i smiled and forgave her.
The ex ex miss Woof and i went on holiday to the Maldives and she shagged the scuba instructor.

Forgive it once, chances are it will probably happen again.
There has to be something fundementally wrong with the relationship for this sort of thing to happen.
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Unread 4 Sep 2003, 13:48   #49
MrL_JaKiri
The Twilight of the Gods
 
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