Gifts

[dda]

About 50 year ago, I learned a life lesson which has been something I have lived by since.

When I was a young lad, I collected baseball trading cards avidly. I spent most of my money (admittedly a small sum) on purchasing them. I would have stolen them if I felt myself nimble enough. I really coveted baseball cards.

I had a friend who also loved baseball cards. He had even less money to spend on them than I did. He also lacked an aptitude for crime.

Occasionally, when I had received my weekly stipend from my parents, I would treat my friend to a pack of baseball cards. It made him happy and it made me feel good to have done something for my friend. I will also note that the act of giving made me feel just a little superior to my friend.

One day I went to his house to hang out and his mother sent him to the store to make a purchase and told him that he could have the change. The change was enough for him to purchase two packs of baseball cards. (two packs of cards cost 10 cents and contained a total of 12 cards plus two pieces of bubble gum)

We rode to the store on our bicycles. My friend made his purchases and rode home.

Once having given his mother the items, he opened his packs of cards. We looked at each one to see what players he had gotten. There was one card which he got which I didn't have. I noted this and told him that it would be nice if he gave that card to me. He declined. He said that he didn't get that many cards and was going to keep all of those he did get.

I pointed out to him that I had, in the past, shared cards with him. That it would only be fair if he shared a card with me. His reply is what has struck with me.

"When you gave me the cards, if you expected something in return, then it wasn't a gift."

I had no answer for it and I thought about it often in the next 50 years.

I have learned the following from that statement:

1. If you are going to give something then it must be free and clear or it is not anything worth giving OR getting.

2. If you expect gratitude, you may be disappointed, if you demand it, then the gift isn't a gift.

3. Gifts are more for the giver than the receiver.

4. For the most part, when most individuals (also the government) give they expect something in return.

5. Most people who receive something from someone else are well aware of number 4 and resent it even if they are glad to receive that something.

6. Gifts (especially from the government) often come with an element of control.