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Unread 16 Feb 2005, 20:27   #1
Dace
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Illness jokes
Please post jokes about illness/being sick (not in the Jacko sense) here please as i need one.

I've searched for a bit on the world wide web but i cant find any decent ones.

WILL POS REP FOR HUMOUR!
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Unread 16 Feb 2005, 20:31   #2
Dace
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Re: Illness jokes
"Being ill was invented in Australia. So was faking illness." was found whilst searching :up:
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Unread 16 Feb 2005, 20:41   #3
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Re: Illness jokes
Mrs. Cohn went to see her doctor. When he inquired about her complaint she replied that she suffered from a discharge. He instructed her to get undressed and lie down on the examining table.
She did so, as the doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her "private parts." After a couple of minutes he asked, "How does that feel?"
"Wonderful," she replied, "but the discharge is from the ear.


Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing
notes on their various disorders.
"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first,
"but I guess it is impossible."
"I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then
everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a
baby in three months."
"You must tell me what you did."
"I went to a faith healer."
"But I've tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a
year and it didn't help a bit."
The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try going alone, next time, dearie."


A man steps into his doctor's office and says, "I need a new penis!!"
"Alright," says the doctor. "We can help you. We have a 5 incher, a 7 incher
and a 10 incher. Which would you prefer?"
"Gee!! I think I'd like the 10 incher, but can I see it first?"
"Sure," he replied, as he reached into a huge refrigarator for the penis.
The guy stared at if for a few seconds, then asked, "Does it come in white?"


One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said,
"You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or
ask me?"
"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."
"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"
"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."

A woman goes to the doctor's and says,"Doctor, Doctor, you have to help me. Every time I go to the bathroom, dimes come out!"
The doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week. A week later the woman returns and says, "Doctor, Doctor, it's gotten worse! Every time I go to the bathroom, quarters come out!! What's wrong with me?"
Again the doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week. Another week passes and the woman returns and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I'm still not getting better! Every time I go to the bathroom, half-dollars come out! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!!"
The doctor says, "Relax, you're just going through your change!"
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Unread 16 Feb 2005, 20:42   #4
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Re: Illness jokes
Feeling ill,an old man went to the doctor for a checkup.
after several tests,the doctor came back to the room and told the old man "I have some bad news and some worse news for you.Which would you like first?"
Bravely the patient said"I'll take the worse news first."
"You have cancer that no opperation can fix"
Taking a deep breath the paitent asked what the bad news was.
"you have Alzheimer's",the doctor replied
"Whew,the guy smiled."I thought you were going to tell me I had cancer."




A man had a weird illness. Whenever he broke wind, it made the sound
"Honda". He asked his doctor about it but the doctor (after months of
tests and literature-reading) could not figure it out. Finally, just
before he was about to give up, he had an idea! "I'll call the Honda
Company in Japan and ask the company doctor!" Well, he called the
Japanese doctor and was told by him to see if the patient had an
abscess in his teeth somewhere. Sure enough, there was, and when it
was treated the other affliction ended! When the doctor asked his
Japanese counterpart how he could make such a great diagnosis over
the phone from such a long distance away the man replied:

"Simple. Abscess makes a fart go Honda."



Doctor doctor i've got a steering wheel down my pants, its driving me nuts!


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Unread 16 Feb 2005, 21:14   #5
Dace
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Re: Illness jokes
Thanks but no thanks :)
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Unread 16 Feb 2005, 21:15   #6
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Re: Illness jokes
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
Please post jokes about illness/being sick (not in the Jacko sense) here please as i need one.

I've searched for a bit on the world wide web but i cant find any decent ones.

WILL POS REP FOR HUMOUR!
i remember this one time i saw dace's face


















it was wrong
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Unread 18 Feb 2005, 13:42   #7
Baron Morte
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Re: Illness jokes
This lady with abdominal pains went to the dokter and after a few tests, the doctor inquired the lady
- Do you like changing diapers?
- OoooOOOhh great!! Im going to have a baby?!?!?!?!
- NooOO, you have bowel cancer!!!1111


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Unread 18 Feb 2005, 13:49   #8
Knight Theamion
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Re: Illness jokes
Jokes about illnesses are about as funny as AIDS.
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Unread 18 Feb 2005, 14:42   #9
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Re: Illness jokes
hence the sad smiley

and

accordinly to south park, aids is funny( meaning that it is ok to make jokes about/with it) because it is a discovery 23 years old or more
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