|
8 Nov 2004, 17:24
|
#1
|
so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
|
This is so funny
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your
failure to elect a worthwhile President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves properly, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
she does not fancy.
Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you
who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders)
will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise
your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with
filler noises such as "like"
and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play
rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour
like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
side by 2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is
a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are cr@p and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation.
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 17:34
|
#2
|
Freedom Fanatic
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Doing evil deeds in the name of freedom
Posts: 680
|
Re: This is so funny
You don't happen to read the relic news forums do you?
Saw that there the day after the election and it is still a swirling shit storm of anti-americanism/anti-commie,pinko terrorist euros
Its amusing but I hope no one goes off on it because my sanity can't take much more.
__________________
The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil and no good, nothing but blind pitiless indifference.
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 17:36
|
#3
|
nondescript human
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,079
|
Re: This is so funny
I'm sure I read that about three years ago.
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 17:53
|
#4
|
Jolt's best friend
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,101
|
Re: This is so funny
made me giggle
__________________
<Karmulian> subtle as a kick in the nuts as always
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 17:57
|
#5
|
Chief over all Monkeys
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,771
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nondescript Human
I'm sure I read that about three years ago.
|
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 17:59
|
#6
|
so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
|
Re: This is so funny
Come on people give me some material to work with.
Give me something i can copy and paste and send back to the retard who sent me this in the first place.
PLEASE!
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 17:59
|
#7
|
Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
|
Re: This is so funny
does make me laugh though
The only things the US seem to get us back with are:
"You have bad teeth"
"You are a third world country"
"You would have lost WW2 without us"
Which make us laugh anyway!
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 18:05
|
#8
|
lolly roffle
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 5,514
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ste
"You have bad teeth"
|
I've seen this quite a lot recently and dont understand where they have got that idea from.
Are Brits well known for having shit teeth? Do we clean our teeth and visit the dentist less than the average Yank?
__________________
eXcessum
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 18:07
|
#9
|
Street Tramp
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Street Gutter
Posts: 341
|
Re: This is so funny
I dont understand the whole "You have yellow teeth" thing... can someone enlighten me.
__________________
Chimney Pots.
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 18:08
|
#10
|
Chief over all Monkeys
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,771
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by JC
I've seen this quite a lot recently and dont understand where they have got that idea from.
Are Brits well known for having shit teeth? Do we clean our teeth and visit the dentist less than the average Yank?
|
i think it comes from hollywood (the most trusted global news resource for an american)
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 19:30
|
#11
|
cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
|
Re: This is so funny
apparently worldwide we the british are renowned for having bad teeth, i dont know why, but we are. its not just america that thinks this either, apparently a lot of continental europe also does.
__________________
lazy
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 20:28
|
#12
|
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,290
|
Re: This is so funny
not here, at least i didnt hear anything about it yet, but my granny thinks you all have long noses.
__________________
im not tolerant, i just dont care.
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 21:11
|
#13
|
Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
|
Re: This is so funny
Look what happened the last time the Germans started on people's noses.
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 21:20
|
#14
|
Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 41
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nondescript Human
I'm sure I read that about three years ago.
|
You did.
So did I.
There is a reply from the yanks on the one I saw.
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 21:20
|
#15
|
Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
|
Re: This is so funny
to revoke their independance is smart
__________________
Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
|
|
|
8 Nov 2004, 21:26
|
#16
|
Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
|
Re: This is so funny
BTW
The Netherlands take unilaterally New Amsterdam back, you can have Suriname
__________________
Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
|
|
|
9 Nov 2004, 11:25
|
#17
|
a little bit broken
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,405
|
Re: This is so funny
Teeth
English Teeth, English Teeth!
Shining in the sun
A part of British heritage
Aye, each and every one.
English Teeth, Happy Teeth!
Always having fun
Clamping down on bits of fish
And sausages half done.
English Teeth! HEROES' Teeth!
Hear them click! and clack!
Let's sing a song of praise to them -
Three Cheers for the Brown Grey and Black.
Spike Milligan
__________________
i came, i saw, i made a bit of a mess
|
|
|
9 Nov 2004, 11:45
|
#18
|
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Sept 2057
Posts: 1,813
|
Re: This is so funny
This was passed around after the 2000 election. Hence the '8th November' date it mentions.
__________________
in my sig i write down all my previous co-ords and alliance positions as if they matter because I'm not important enough to be remembered by nickname alone.
|
|
|
9 Nov 2004, 12:53
|
#19
|
Insanity Prawn Boy!
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: In a bush where you can't find me
Posts: 2,474
|
Re: This is so funny
hadn't heard it befor, so it made me chortle in my head
__________________
They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We shall remember them.
|
|
|
9 Nov 2004, 13:05
|
#20
|
a new low in getting high
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,810
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by JC
Are Brits well known for having shit teeth? Do we clean our teeth and visit the dentist less than the average Yank?
|
people here can actually see nhs dentists now?
__________________
There’s trouble on every corner,
And you need a place to hide,
All the bad things follow us down,
I want you by my side.
We’re hitting a new low.
|
|
|
9 Nov 2004, 14:53
|
#21
|
Newdawn ftw \o/
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Norway
Posts: 101
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by roadrunner_0
apparently worldwide we the british are renowned for having bad teeth, i dont know why, but we are. its not just america that thinks this either, apparently a lot of continental europe also does.
|
its because of all the Fish&Chips you get bad teeth
__________________
[ND]olle
Proud to be in [NewDawn] - Member | DC | BC | Scanner
- Soaring where the angels fear to fly
|
|
|
9 Nov 2004, 15:00
|
#22
|
Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by OK.:.VJ
its because of all the Fish&Chips you get bad teeth
|
I'm sure Fish and chips is better for your teeth than McDonalds and Cream soda all day every day...
|
|
|
9 Nov 2004, 15:15
|
#23
|
Newdawn ftw \o/
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Norway
Posts: 101
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ste
I'm sure Fish and chips is better for your teeth than McDonalds and Cream soda all day every day...
|
Fish and Chips have a lot of salt in it, thats bad for the teeth. A McDonalds and Cream soda is just fataning, but yeah... all day every day is bad to.
__________________
[ND]olle
Proud to be in [NewDawn] - Member | DC | BC | Scanner
- Soaring where the angels fear to fly
|
|
|
9 Nov 2004, 15:22
|
#24
|
Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
|
Re: This is so funny
sugar is worse for your teeth than salt
|
|
|
9 Nov 2004, 15:26
|
#25
|
Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
|
Re: This is so funny
Four
Years
old!!!
__________________
bastard bastard bastard bastard
|
|
|
9 Nov 2004, 15:28
|
#26
|
Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deepflow
Four
Years
old!!!
|
So Dace likes his threads like he likes his women?
|
|
|
10 Nov 2004, 00:20
|
#27
|
cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ste
So Dace likes his threads like he likes his women?
|
whats the best thing about sleeping with twenty-four year olds?
there's twenty of them!
[/dace]
__________________
lazy
|
|
|
10 Nov 2004, 00:46
|
#28
|
Retired
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: BONNY SCOTLAND
Posts: 869
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by roadrunner_0
whats the best thing about sleeping with twenty-four year olds?
there's twenty of them!
[/dace]
|
The old ones are the best......
thats why rr works in a nursing home......
*drum rolll*
*no chime*
__________________
This space reserved for next Signature.
|
|
|
10 Nov 2004, 11:00
|
#29
|
cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
|
Re: This is so funny
__________________
lazy
|
|
|
10 Nov 2004, 11:33
|
#30
|
Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by roadrunner_0
whats the best thing about sleeping with twenty-four year olds?
there's twenty of them!
[/dace]
|
Best thing about bondage with an 8-yr-old?
When they forget the safe word!
[/MM]
this could go on for ages
|
|
|
10 Nov 2004, 11:37
|
#31
|
Brain Overload
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Derby, Newcastle and Cardiff
Posts: 209
|
Re: This is so funny
ok now i'm just spamming ste's posts!
__________________
once you reach the top, take a breath and slide all the way down on your ass.
|
|
|
10 Nov 2004, 11:46
|
#32
|
Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
|
Re: This is so funny
I was just about to say the same thing!
|
|
|
11 Nov 2004, 10:56
|
#33
|
cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ste
Best thing about bondage with an 8-yr-old?
When they forget the safe word!
[/MM]
this could go on for ages
|
slightly dubious, yet still funny
theres nothing funny about rape...
except if your ****ing a clown
[/pabs]
__________________
lazy
|
|
|
11 Nov 2004, 12:08
|
#34
|
Banned
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: in the archives
Posts: 123
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nondescript Human
I'm sure I read that about three years ago.
|
|
|
|
11 Nov 2004, 12:12
|
#35
|
Banned
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: in the archives
Posts: 123
|
Re: This is so funny
is there anything wrong with telling a joke way past its use by date?
not if your a GD regular
[/me]
|
|
|
11 Nov 2004, 12:35
|
#36
|
Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
|
Re: This is so funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by roadrunner_0
slightly dubious, yet still funny
theres nothing funny about rape...
except if your ****ing a clown
[/pabs]
|
Best thing about a 12 year old girl?
Turn her over and pretend she's a 12 year old boy!
[/MM or Skiddy]
|
|
|
|
All times are GMT +1. The time now is 08:00.
| |