The progression of terrible chat-up lines

[Tomkat]

Apologies, as this thread might seem more like boasting than a tale of woe and misfortune with women. It's more about how ridiculous I am when drunk.



So I've managed to excel my own expectations yet again.

4 weeks ago in Exeter I simply full-on lied to a girl and told her I was a 2nd year Film Studies student.

Somehow in my inebriated state I managed to pull this off and thus "pull" her.

Hooray.

I didn't really use a "line", except to blurt out who I was.
It seemed to work though. Not such a terrible line - it was acceptable.




2 weeks ago in Exeter I was chatting to a girl I was sure I knew. While trying to establish how I thought I knew her (did she do business? was she in rag? was she in the guild? did she know x, y or z?) for five minutes, I was close to
giving up.

I tried "well maybe we've snogged each other but forgotten about it".

"it's a possibility" she replied.

And oh - straight off the tongue with wit unimaginable, I retorted "well there's only one way to find out - we'd better kiss again".

Ho yes.

I didn't actually pull her straight after this (the look on her face after I said it couldn't REALLY be described as "impressed" - more like "disgusted") - it took a little bit more effort than that.

But still - I'd like to think that those choice words were the catalyst that sped the whole process up.

Hooray x2.




Last weekend in Exeter I was chatting to another girl who I've quite liked for some time now, but didn't think anything would happen with.

Someone (friend of mine) had told her I had a girl down in Exeter.

This was quickly straightened out with a "no, I was supposed to go on a date with a girl I met 2 weeks ago but it didn't happen".

Now I was drunk.

Really drunk.

When I'm drunk I (as lots of people do) think I'm incredibly witty and charming.

This moved onto me coming out with the gem "So basically... I'm single. And you're single. You know what has to happen now, don't you? We have to have s*x. That's just how this goes. It's the law. Don't blame me. I don't make the rules up"

And yes. It worked. Somehow, it worked. The Dennis Rodman line worked.

Hooray x3




My chatup lines are getting worse and worse the more time I spend in Exeter. What next? "Do you come here often"? That's truly low. Go Team Rattle.