29 Dec 2002, 11:13
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#1
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 482
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Sword's Almanac - 2003
Hah hah - I still here.
JANUARY
Slim Tech officially announce that they will officially announce the start date of round 9 as soon as possible.
The unusually talented Pavil is found dead in an apparent case of suicide. Pavil is found in Birmingham bound by his hands and feet and tied to the back of a Ford Fiesta. Locals residents report seeing the car being driven around the outskirts of the city at high speeds but they fail to call the police when they realise it is Pavil being dragged along behind. Close friend and owner of the Ford Fiesta, Sunday8pm, who discovers Pavils body, reads an apparent suicide note to local reporters - "I am Pavil and I have decided to kill myself because my mate Sunday8pm is better than me".
Yahwe admits to being gay.
Microsoft launch "Windows January" offering a host of exciting new features.
FEBRUARY
The United Nations vetos US plans to Invade Iraq.
Spinner recieves his fist pay check in over three years. A delighted Mrs Spinner admits that the family haven't eaten anything for over two years.
Kurashima announces his intention to retire from comic writing in order to concentrate on growing his beard. A stunned Planetarion community sign a petition calling for him to admit that he actually quit writing comics six months ago.
Microsoft launch "Windows February" offering a host of exciting new features.
MARCH
The US inadvertantly drops fourty two nuclear warheads on the United Nations HQ in New York in what is described as a training mix up. UN secretary General Khoffi Annan survies the blast.
Actress Wyona Ryder is arrested and charged with a spate of car jackings that have shocked and terrified the citizens of California for months.
Oreo launches an online game called "Oreo" to be largely based on the format of an irc channel. Oreo releases a statement that the game "Oreo" will always be free.
Microsoft launch "Windows March" offering a host of exciting new features.
APRIL
UN Secretary General Khoffi Anan is killed by a sniper whilst driving through lower Manhattan in his convertible Mustang.
Police in California announce that the suspects arrested in the case of the Washington sniper are to be released immediately. Miss Wyona Ryder is being charged with all twelve murders in addition to the recent car jackings.
A distraught Mrs Spinner learns that Spinner has invested his first pay check in Oreo's new game, "Oreo".
Microsoft launch "Windows April" offering exciting new features.
MAY
Actor Russel Crowe is arrested by the FBI and charged with the muder of UN Secretary General Khoffi Anan, despite evidence that suggests he was in a London restaraunt at the time of the assasination beating up a waiter.
The popularity of Oreo's game, "Oreo", rockets, with some 180,000 active players.
The ip ban on Shaigar is lifted.
Slim Tech officially announce the launch of Planetarion Round 9 in September 2003.
Microsoft launch "Windows May" offering exciting new features.
JUNE
Well known model Jordan announces plans to give birth to a genetically cloned baby live in Trafalgar Square in July next month.
The Planetarion forums crash under a huge and sustained attack of gimmick spamming accounts. The ip ban on Shaigar is re-introduced.
Everton Teen footbaling sensation Peter Mooney becomes the youngest player ever to score a wonder goal, dribbling from the players changing room, passed the match day security, up the players tunnel, over the advertisment hoardings and along the touch line, running the legth of the pitch, before slotting the ball into an unguarded net from two yards out, half an hour before kick off.
Microsoft launch "Windows June" offering exciting new features.
JULY
Jordan gives birth to a healthy Giraffe with two heads, live in Trafalgar Square.
Actor Russel Crowe is found dead in his prison cell, just hours before taking the stand in the court case for his alledged murder of Khoffi Anan.
Shares in MCI Worldcom rocket after the company announce record profits, despite a slump in sales.
Microsoft launch "Windows July" offering exciting new features.
AUGUST
Marilyn Manson is elected Mayor of Newcastle on a pledge to stop embarrasing the City by dressing as a Goth, sixty years after it went out of fashion.
The US invades Iraq only to discover that in fact the county does not exist afterall.
West Bromwich Albion are crowned as Premiership Champions under new FA rules which invert the league tables at the end of the season.
Microsoft launch "Windows August" offering exciting new features.
SEPTEMBER
Slim Tech officially announce that the start of Planetatrion Round 9 will take place in December 2003, in order to allow for beta testing to be carried out.
The FBI announce that they have captured Osama Bin Laden. Bin Laden is revealed to be Miss Wyona Ryder.
A local resident group of Bangor, North Wales, call for Bangor to be made a separate country in Europe.
Microsoft launch "Windows September" offering exciting new features.
OCTOBER
Nodrog calls for Scottish women to be banned from wearing beards, having woken up one morning after a late night binge to discover that he has inadvertantly shagged Kurashima.
Vampy is arrested in London, having been caught shagging Nelsons Column.
The Planetarion community is stunned when resident troll Ilinuki does not flame a new forum member.
Microsoft launch "Windows October" offering exciting new features.
NOVEMBER
Home Secretary Jack Straw announces a pilot project in the Moss Side, Macnhester, under which muggings will be legalised in order to free up police time.
Andy Gilchrest, leader of the Fire Brigade Union, calls for a two thousand percent pay rise and a two day working week - for Executive members of the FBU.
Microsoft launch "Windows November" offering exciting new features.
DECEMBER
Slim Tech officially announce the the start of Planetarion Round 9 will be delayed until January. No year is specified.
Oreo announces that his game, "Oreo", will migrate to a pay to play model. Jurgen quits "Oreo" in disgust. Two thirds of the playerbase mysteriously disappears.
Microsoft launch "Windows December" offering exciting new features.
UPDATES
GD Almanac - 2003
JANUARY
Belgarath The Sorceror is rushed in to hospital suffering from an itchy groin. He is diagnosed as being a woman and sent home with a tube of Canestan cream to cure his thrush. This does at last explain why he has breasts.
FEBRUARY
Taratang stuns the Planetarion community by creating a thread on GD. However, feelings soon turn to dismay when people read the post.
MARCH
JBOY is sacked by Jammy Jim when it is discovered he has a pulse.
APRIL
Jammy Jim finally admits to being gay and marries Yahwe in a bizarre ceremony held in a local Body Shop outlet. They elope to Cardiff and set up a local Scout movement.
MAY
Zeus, in a desperate attempt to raise 10 dollars to buy Planetarion back from Slim Tech, attempts to rob a bank. He hands the cashier a note saying “hande over the honey, I got a bun in my poket”.
JUNE
Kurashima admits that he is growing a beard because his face is so ugly.
JULY
Despite being dead, Pavil manages to create a new forum account, tricking the moderators by calling it “Pavil three”.
AUGUST
Sarina Joy is voted Miss Glasgow, being the only contestant this year sporting a beard. A stunned Kurashima is voted a close second place, despite his strong protestations that a) he didn’t enter and b) he is a male.
SEPTEMBER
Gayle28UK admits that she would do or say anything to be made a moderator. She states that she would even be prepared to drink a bottle of Nodrogs piss. JammyJim offers to travel to Yorkshire and take her out for lunch in order to discuss the issue. She refuses point blank.
OCTOBER
Snurx becomes the fastest poster in the history of the Internet to reach 10,000 posts. His joy soon turns to dismay however, when Dead_Meat zero’s his post count.
NOVEMBER
Dace creates a witty and humorous thread on the PA General Discussion forum.
DECEMBER
Desperate to combat the growing tide of forum spamm0rs, Jammy Jim acquires the latest in moderation technology – a program that detects forum users who are “thinking bad thoughts”. Upon implementation, every forum user is deleted, apart from Gayle28UK. Investigations reveal that, lacking the ability to actually think at all, she was able to evade the program.
Gayle28UK and the moderators live happily ever after.
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29 Dec 2002, 11:40
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#2
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: :noitacoL
Posts: 1,200
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Brilliant, me want more :-)
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29 Dec 2002, 11:44
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#3
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Rawr rawr
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Upside down
Posts: 5,300
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\ /
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"Yay"
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29 Dec 2002, 11:49
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#4
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Mr. Blobby
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Belgium
Posts: 8,271
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r x r
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29 Dec 2002, 12:28
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#5
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no
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: in a chair
Posts: 329
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:P
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29 Dec 2002, 14:48
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#6
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Bitch
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,848
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That brightened my day
__________________
ACHTUNG!!!
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch
das blinkenlights!!!
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29 Dec 2002, 15:03
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#7
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First Disciple of Aldur
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: The Vale of Aldur
Posts: 1,470
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wow, sword made a funny.
__________________
Yeah.
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29 Dec 2002, 15:36
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#8
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 421
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i was expecting something better on the Microsoft December Edition
the rest was ace
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29 Dec 2002, 15:59
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#9
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 482
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Quote:
Originally posted by Flavius
i was expecting something better on the Microsoft December Edition
the rest was ace
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Anything for a fellow bitch, I ran out of time this morning and oi Belgy, go stroke JJ's nose!
DECEMBER
MCI Worldcom, backed by a soaring share price, make an all share take over bid for Microsoft which is unanimously accepted. MCI Worldsoft launch "MCI World Windows December the 1st", offering many new features. In an apparent accounting blunder, they also release record sales figures, for next year.
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29 Dec 2002, 16:59
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#10
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Governor General
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: People's Republic of South Yorkshire
Posts: 739
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Quote:
Originally posted by Belgarath The Sorcerer
wow, sword made a funny.
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__________________
Va Va Voom
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29 Dec 2002, 17:01
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#11
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 4,944
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i told you lot he was still funny
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29 Dec 2002, 17:07
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#12
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Old Man O Deh *****s
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In spelelpee land
Posts: 3,516
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Truely it must be Xmas again, for Sword hath made a funny.
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Dead_Meat
You dont need to keep beating a dog to get it to stop shitting on the carpet
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29 Dec 2002, 18:33
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#13
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Dirte
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 5,573
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Nice one!
:deer: :deer:
__________________
"Freedom, morality, and the human dignity of the individual consists precisely in this; that he makes waffles not because he is forced to do so, but because he freely conceives it, wants it, and loves it."
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30 Dec 2002, 16:37
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#14
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 482
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I still here, I still bored.
GD Almanac - 2003
JANUARY
Belgarath The Sorceror is rushed in to hospital suffering from an itchy groin. He is diagnosed as being a woman and sent home with a tube of Canestan cream to cure his thrush. This does at last explain why he has breasts.
FEBRUARY
Taratang stuns the Planetarion community by creating a thread on GD. However, feelings soon turn to dismay when people read the post.
MARCH
JBOY is sacked by Jammy Jim when it is discovered he has a pulse.
APRIL
Jammy Jim finally admits to being gay and marries Yahwe in a bizarre ceremony held in a local Body Shop outlet. They elope to Cardiff and set up a local Scout movement.
MAY
Zeus, in a desperate attempt to raise 10 dollars to buy Planetarion back from Slim Tech, attempts to rob a bank. He hands the cashier a note saying “hande over the honey, I got a bun in my poket”.
JUNE
Kurashima admits that he is growing a beard because his face is so ugly.
JULY
Despite being dead, Pavil manages to create a new forum account, tricking the moderators by calling it “Pavil three”.
AUGUST
Sarina Joy is voted Miss Glasgow, being the only contestant this year sporting a beard. A stunned Kurashima is voted a close second place, despite his strong protestations that a) he didn’t enter and b) he is a male.
SEPTEMBER
Gayle28UK admits that she would do or say anything to be made a moderator. She states that she would even be prepared to drink a bottle of Nodrogs piss. JammyJim offers to travel to Yorkshire and take her out for lunch in order to discuss the issue. She refuses point blank.
OCTOBER
Snurx becomes the fastest poster in the history of the Internet to reach 10,000 posts. His joy soon turns to dismay however, when Dead_Meat zero’s his post count.
NOVEMBER
Dace creates a witty and humorous thread on the PA General Discussion forum.
DECEMBER
Desperate to combat the growing tide of forum spamm0rs, Jammy Jim acquires the latest in moderation technology – a program that detects forum users who are “thinking bad thoughts”. Upon implementation, every forum user is deleted, apart from Gayle28UK. Investigations reveal that, lacking the ability to actually think at all, she was able to evade the program.
Gayle28UK and the moderators live happily ever after.
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30 Dec 2002, 16:47
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#15
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share the <3
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Location: Location:
Posts: 2,709
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Quote:
Originally posted by sword
“hande over the honey, I got a bun in my poket”.
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__________________
Sophie is hotter than you
though ive gone off her now; the way Susanna Reid squirms around on sml is, however, awesome
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30 Dec 2002, 16:52
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#16
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True Gamer
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 382
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Sword quote - Zeus, in a desperate attempt to raise 10 dollars to buy Planetarion back from Slim Tech, attempts to rob a bank. He hands the cashier a note saying “hande over the honey, I got a bun in my poket”.
Without doubt the funniest thing Ive read on these forums in a LONGGGG time!
__________________
"A TRUE Gamer"
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30 Dec 2002, 16:52
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#17
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Bitch
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,848
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Quote:
Originally posted by sword
SEPTEMBER
Gayle28UK admits that she would do or say anything to be made a moderator. She states that she would even be prepared to drink a bottle of Nodrogs piss.
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Yeuch! That's gross, he's a man ffs!
Quote:
JammyJim offers to travel to Yorkshire and take her out for lunch in order to discuss the issue. She refuses point blank.
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It'd take more than a BigMac and fries to get me to mod THIS madhouse :P
Quote:
Gayle28UK and the moderators live happily ever after.
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But...but...JBOY wouldn't have anyone left to ban but me and I like my account
__________________
ACHTUNG!!!
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch
das blinkenlights!!!
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30 Dec 2002, 17:02
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#18
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Have D|ck Done Travell
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Canada
Posts: 491
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Swrod funny as allways keep it up its nice to see some intersting posts once and a while
__________________
www.planetarion.com
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30 Dec 2002, 17:04
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#19
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Have D|ck Done Travell
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Canada
Posts: 491
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Quote:
Originally posted by sirad
Swrod funny as allways keep it up its nice to see some intersting posts once and a while
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hmm i spelt your nick wrong dam thats bad
even though the key setup for the alphabet is the same i´m blameing it on the dutch keyboard!
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www.planetarion.com
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31 Dec 2002, 12:46
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#20
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Wankoverable
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: wherever I am
Posts: 726
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This thread is ace and didnt get the attention it deserves
__________________
Don't worry, life is too long.
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31 Dec 2002, 12:58
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#21
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 482
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Quote:
Originally posted by Flayer
This thread is ace and didnt get the attention it deserves
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:smiley1:xXHappy New Year FlayerXx :smiley1:
I've also edited the updates into the original post :xmas:
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31 Dec 2002, 13:03
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#22
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Wankoverable
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: wherever I am
Posts: 726
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Quote:
Originally posted by sword
:smiley1:xXHappy New Year FlayerXx :smiley1:
I've also edited the updates into the original post :xmas:
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Same to you!
:deer: Not too drunk tonight, eh? :deer:
__________________
Don't worry, life is too long.
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31 Dec 2002, 13:07
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#23
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Has Soup On His Head
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 10,095
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I see Pigs flying , the sky turning blood red, and a fleet of invading aliens.
Must mean that sword has made a funny.
__________________
And the Banker, inspired with a courage so new
It was matter for general remark,
Rushed madly ahead and was lost to their view
In his zeal to discover the Snark
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31 Dec 2002, 13:08
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#24
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 482
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Quote:
Originally posted by Flayer
Same to you!
:deer: Not too drunk tonight, eh? :deer:
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There is no such thing as not to drunk!. Having said that, I got some friends coming around (Phil, Angela, Louise, and of course, Mike Barnes) for a tasty meal which swordess is preparing even as I speak (home made chicken Kiev's) and then we will watch a film together and get drunk really slowly.
Have good times yourself, in moderation of course
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31 Dec 2002, 13:11
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#25
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Wankoverable
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: wherever I am
Posts: 726
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Quote:
Originally posted by sword
There is no such thing as not to drunk!. Having said that, I got some friends coming around (Phil, Angela, Louise, and of course, Mike Barnes) for a tasty meal which swordess is preparing even as I speak (home made chicken Kiev's) and then we will watch a film together and get drunk really slowly.
Have good times yourself, in moderation of course
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Have fun yourself but i shall not know moderation tonite!
__________________
Don't worry, life is too long.
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11 Jan 2003, 20:36
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#26
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Victuri te Salutant
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: In a Cave
Posts: 147
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hehe nice post
__________________
Strength and Honor
Rock
A regular day on the lego server:
<Alf> We are Gren's bitches.. we should be proud to hump his legs
<Alf> wanna swap legs Nexus?
<Alf> This leg of Gren is smooth.. but I like some hair now
<Nexus> sure m8
<Nexus> i want the shaven now
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11 Jan 2003, 20:55
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#27
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WANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAW
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Éire
Posts: 2,738
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Hehehe excellent
__________________
I came, I saw, I shouldn't mix pleasure with carpentry.
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11 Jan 2003, 21:01
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#28
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First Disciple of Aldur
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: The Vale of Aldur
Posts: 1,470
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Don't bump old threads.
HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO SAY THIS?
__________________
Yeah.
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11 Jan 2003, 21:02
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#29
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Retired
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: BONNY SCOTLAND
Posts: 869
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Messiah was kind enough to give me a contract stating i don't go till the boards do.
at this point, i'd like the full effect of a wonderfully descriptive maniacal cackle to eminate through your souls.
__________________
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