The Santa Phenomenon Explained...

Tis long, but hilarious. Have a read and enjoy.....

(A Sceintific Analysis of the Santa Claus Phenomenon)

There are approximately two billion children (person under 18) in the
world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu,
Jewish or Buddhist (expect maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the
workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according
to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5
children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is
at least one good child in each. Santa had about 31 hours of Christmas to
work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the
earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to
967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household
with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the
sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the
remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for
him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next
house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed
around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept
for the purposes for our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles
per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom
stops or breaks. This mean Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per
second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound.

For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space
probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer
can run 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another
interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a
medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500
thousand tons, not counting Santa himself.

On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even
granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount,
the job can't be done with eight or even nine of the -- Santa would need
360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of
the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the
Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons travelling at
650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up
the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's
atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules
of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames
instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening
sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team would be vapourised with 4.26 thousandths of a
second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from
a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to
acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems
ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015
pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him
to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Merry Chirstmas.

[Mirai]

This is so old, my parents remembered it from their childhood when I showed it to them once.

Seriously.

[starmog]

Originally posted by Skitz Mickz
Tis long, but hilarious. Have a read and enjoy.....

(A Sceintific Analysis of the Santa Claus Phenomenon)

There are approximately two billion children (person under 18) in the
world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu,
Jewish or Buddhist (expect maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the
workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according
to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5
children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is
at least one good child in each. Santa had about 31 hours of Christmas to
work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the
earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to
967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household
with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the
sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the
remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for
him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next
house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed
around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept
for the purposes for our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles
per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom
stops or breaks. This mean Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per
second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound.

For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space
probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer
can run 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another
interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a
medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500
thousand tons, not counting Santa himself.

On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even
granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount,
the job can't be done with eight or even nine of the -- Santa would need
360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of
the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the
Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons travelling at
650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up
the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's
atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules
of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames
instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening
sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team would be vapourised with 4.26 thousandths of a
second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from
a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to
acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems
ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015
pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him
to a quivering blob of pink goo.

BUT HE IZ MAGICAL

Originally posted by Mirai
This is so old, my parents remembered it from their childhood when I showed it to them once.

Seriously.

i didn't say anything about it being new. So i don't care whether it is new or if the dinosaurs made it up, the fact remains that it is amusing. We need some more amusing interesting stuff on these boards....

so hush.

[JC]

He uses magic fairy dust!

[LHC]

Actually that's ridiculous. Since assuming Santa does exist the way he is percieved to, he's magical, therefore undermiming all the laws of science.

[Apothos]

Originally posted by LHC
Actually that's ridiculous. Since assuming Santa does exist the way he is percieved to, he's magical, therefore undermiming all the laws of science.

Because he was/is mute.