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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 13:50   #1
Chika
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Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Situation: I was with my wife for about 3 and a half years before we got married. During those 3 years sex was great. Multiple postions, outdoors, indoors, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, you name it. Our 1st aniversary is tomorrow. I started thinking about our marriage (sex life mainly) and how we had changed since being married. Atm, on any given day, we just have sex in only one postion, MAYBE 2, and it takes much longer, and its always on the living room couch. My wife has the same body as before, I am attracted to her even more I suppose, but it seems that I feel akward for some reason. Is this normal!!!!!????!11! because its driving me crazy.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 13:52   #2
skiddy
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Of course it's normal.

It's called marriage.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 13:53   #3
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

After some years you need to put in some effort, inspiration and creativity.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 14:39   #4
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

the marriage is over, have an affair
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 14:41   #5
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

there's more than one position??? :eek:
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 14:41   #6
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

The word on the street is that everyone here hates you.

Why don't you just leave? Surely it would be more rewarding to speak to people who like you?
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 14:43   #7
SilverSmoke
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Well, if he puts in as much inspiration and effort in his sex life as in his posts..
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 15:14   #8
Dante Hicks
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Speaking personally I think one of the primary motivators in relationships for a great number of people is fear (much like in other areas of life). Nothing major but you meet someone who seems amazingly smashingly wonderful and you kind of worry you're not good enough for them, etc. That suddenly they'll see you as the twat you are and it'll be over. Or at least, that's how it feels to someone with emotional insecurities such as myself.

So anyway the longer you are with someone, the less and less fear there is. As a result, some of the things you would have made an effort to do, well, slip. Kind of like in a new job. You turn up an hour early the first few weeks, once you've been there a year or so you're coming in at 10:15am mumbling something about signalling problems at Clapham Junction.

And in relationships, people don't replace fear with anything ; so going to a lot of effort to "please" your partner doesn't seem as important. So yeah, I guess it is normal. What you should be doing is concentrating on the other reasons you want to keep things special.

Or something.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 15:22   #9
Deepflow
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrPeach
The word on the street is that everyone here hates you.

Why don't you just leave? Surely it would be more rewarding to speak to people who like you?
i dont hate him

what an awful thing to say
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 16:02   #10
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Hey Chika! Complacency will kill your relationship unless you change how you're both viewing and acting in the relationship! Time to take stock and re-evaluate to see what you've both really got and not just taking for granted? A generic relationshipesq magazine would tell you to 'spice things up'.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 16:04   #11
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

But has your relationship not grown considerablely in other [more emotional and intimate areas]?
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 16:12   #12
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Also, if the lessening of sex is the only problem with your relationship, and not a reduction of closeness you feel for her, it may be just that as you know every single part of your partner by now you simply need to discover your partner's body less. Maybe you've found what you both like, and you're sticking to that.

You could try tantric sex if you've not already.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 16:17   #13
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

I'm unsure whether Weeks pulled his posts straight out of Dear Deirdre, or if he actually is an expert.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 16:33   #14
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chika
Situation: I was with my wife for about 3 and a half years before we got married. During those 3 years sex was great. Multiple postions, outdoors, indoors, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, you name it. Our 1st aniversary is tomorrow. I started thinking about our marriage (sex life mainly) and how we had changed since being married. Atm, on any given day, we just have sex in only one postion, MAYBE 2, and it takes much longer, and its always on the living room couch. My wife has the same body as before, I am attracted to her even more I suppose, but it seems that I feel akward for some reason. Is this normal!!!!!????!11! because its driving me crazy.
How is your wife with the mail man ?
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 16:35   #15
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

if it is a serious burden, talk to your wife about it?

dont know if your situation is normal but what is normal anyways?
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 16:38   #16
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Exclamation Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Almost all relationships are subject to natural withering over time. There's only a tiny select few that will be truly able to achieve anything approaching true and continued commitment and love.

Marriage, for most people, is a stupid concept, fundamentally.

(IMHO.)
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 16:46   #17
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

it's nice to know MM is such an optimist.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 16:49   #18
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by NEWSBOT3
it's nice to know MM is such an optimist.
He's right though.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 16:50   #19
Marilyn Manson
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Exclamation Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Well, relationships in my family have a history of ending badly, often repeatedly. (My dad was divorced twice, for example.) My mum spent most of my adolescent years saying "Don't ever get married, son. Worst thing you can ever do."

I suppose this has probably coloured my opinions somewhat.

I imagine most people probably have a more optimistic outllook on things.

Last edited by Marilyn Manson; 15 Jun 2005 at 16:55.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 16:51   #20
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stew
He's right though.
agreeing with him won't stop him fancying you.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 16:53   #21
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Exclamation Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by NEWSBOT3
agreeing with him won't stop him fancying you.
I aim to seduce Stew through the power of pure logic.



Mwahahahahaahhahahahahah!


































To the laboratory, Enby! We must resume the experiments.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 17:45   #22
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante Hicks
Speaking personally I think one of the primary motivators in relationships for a great number of people is fear (much like in other areas of life). Nothing major but you meet someone who seems amazingly smashingly wonderful and you kind of worry you're not good enough for them, etc. That suddenly they'll see you as the twat you are and it'll be over. Or at least, that's how it feels to someone with emotional insecurities such as myself.
I think thats just you
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 18:06   #23
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Plan something - be romantic, slowly build everything up, and make sure you're no where near the couch .
Sex takes longer after a while as sex is as much a mental activity as physical, and as you know each other much better, it takes longer to reach the same levels (although it should feel better :P). Try talking to her about fantasies (if you haven't already done so), or even make some up you think might be fun. Nothing is ever constant, and over time it does degrade unless you put some effort in to keep it at the same level.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 18:23   #24
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nodrog
I think thats just you
although generally it is said, that fear leads ppl.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 19:04   #25
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lupin
although generally it is said, that fear leads ppl.
To the dark side.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 19:08   #26
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Exclamation Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

The dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be 'unnatural'
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 19:12   #27
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Chika

Do something spontaenous in that department. A surprise weekend away or if your not feeling that extravagant a surprise romantic meal, some flowers delviered to her workplace, anything nice! I agree with Dante that after a while you stop make such a great effort on certain things but I think you have to replace that 'fear' (dont think thats the right way of putting it) with injections of romanticism.

Best of luck
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 19:16   #28
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson
The dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be 'unnatural'
the homoerotic undertone of the latest starwars film was not lost on me
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 19:19   #29
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

stick a dildo in her ass. Im not sure it will help but its worth a shot
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 19:21   #30
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

you might want to mention it to her first...

you know


to lessen the risk of an unnecessary rape conviction
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 19:23   #31
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Exclamation Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Know the power of the dark side, Stew...
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 19:30   #32
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson
Know the power of the dark side, Stew...
Eh?!
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 19:31   #33
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stew
Eh?!
only a sith would deal such an absolute
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 19:36   #34
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Exclamation Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stew
Eh?!
Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the dark side.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 19:54   #35
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson
Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the dark side.
How exciting!
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 20:49   #36
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by lokken
I'm unsure whether Weeks pulled his posts straight out of Dear Deirdre, or if he actually is an expert.
And I thought my identity was safe.

p.s. i was going to neg rep marilyn as he complains about no-one posting about sex, then they do and then he successfully helps in ****ing this thread up. But I can't because I think I neg reped him a while back, and it won't let me do it again. Damn the system!
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 22:28   #37
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

I don't have a wife or steady girlfriend. I have a steady boyfriend. (I hate the word steady but it'll have to do.) We have been together for 2 years, and without going into too much detail our sex life has changed since we first got together, but not in the way that you describe. It has certainly not become dull, which is something I hear people who are in long term relationships saying frequently.

I would say that you feeling ackward is slightly odd. In what way do you feel ackward?! Has your relationship changed in any other ways?
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 23:21   #38
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarina_Joy
I don't have a wife or steady girlfriend. I have a steady boyfriend. (I hate the word steady but it'll have to do.) We have been together for 2 years, and without going into too much detail our sex life has changed since we first got together, but not in the way that you describe. It has certainly not become dull, which is something I hear people who are in long term relationships saying frequently.

I would say that you feeling ackward is slightly odd. In what way do you feel ackward?! Has your relationship changed in any other ways?
It has actually improved in other ways. She cooks every morning and night. We go out more, we talk a lot especially recent. We even started reading the same type of books and magazines. I have yet to see her fall into motion with the type of TV shows I watch, i.e Sopranos and 24, but one day it will rub off because thats all i have on. In a nutshell, we are good compromisers with each other. I must admit, i do most of the compromising, but I KNOW thats normal for the male of the relationship. Its just that....... I don't know, like everyone else, when Iwas a kid, I imagined that my sex life would be like that movie "9 1/2 weeks"* when I got married. maybe the anticipation is whats killing me.







*my first "porn"
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 23:23   #39
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

"Has your marriage gone stale? Has the spark gone out of your love life? Looking to add a little adventure to the monotony of monogamy? Hello...I am Fernando Martinez, founder of 'Fernando's New Beginnings,' a revolutionary new way of saving your marriage. We understand how 2 kids and a mortgage can
take the passion out of your life. With our three-step program, you'll re-discover romance...guaranteed!"
Call 'New Beginnings' today...cinco cinco cinco- nueve dos nueve dos". It will be a miracle, I guarantee it! 'Fernando's New Beginnings,' we turn an ending...into a new beginning!"
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 23:28   #40
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

I'll tell you one thing...he's a miracle worker! He saved my marriage...and I married a bus of a woman! Now I don't feel sick every time I open my eyes!
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 23:29   #41
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chika
It has actually improved in other ways. She cooks every morning and night. We go out more, we talk a lot especially recent. We even started reading the same type of books and magazines. I have yet to see her fall into motion with the type of TV shows I watch, i.e Sopranos and 24, but one day it will rub off because thats all i have on. In a nutshell, we are good compromisers with each other. I must admit, i do most of the compromising, but I KNOW thats normal for the male of the relationship. Its just that....... I don't know, like everyone else, when Iwas a kid, I imagined that my sex life would be like that movie "9 1/2 weeks"* when I got married. maybe the anticipation is whats killing me.

This may sound a little er harsh but - you talk a lot, you go out, you read similar books... do you actually enjoy her company??? As in just being with her with no books, tv or chores to distract you? I'm getting the impression that you've lost your enjoyment of each other and that your sex life is suffering as a consequence.
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Unread 15 Jun 2005, 23:45   #42
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

If a man was born an angel... maybe, but a man is born a man. A man with needs, he needs something magical, a dream, un sueno...

Chika, your marriage is a gift, a present from above, but you are a man. I think we see now that you are no Angel Chika....





I can't remember the rest :-/
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Unread 16 Jun 2005, 00:56   #43
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Exclamation Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stew
How exciting!
You don't 'get' the joke, do you?

Oh well. Thankfully I don't fancy you for your brains.
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Unread 16 Jun 2005, 02:57   #44
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nodrog
I think thats just you
Thought so.

To be brutally honest though, when I was married the only change in sex was caused by other things in the relationship. It's pretty hard to stay passionate with someone who is getting on your nerves (or you're actively starting to dislike).

So Chika, you should probably listen to Sarina. This could just be a symptom of something else (if my earlier comments don't ring true).
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Unread 16 Jun 2005, 08:19   #45
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

after 4 years, just pack it in. that is the standard human emotional cycle for a relationship. think about it in evolutionary terms. back in the days before all this monogamous silliness, couple meet and rapidly have sex and woman gets pregnant. but because of human babies being useless for a few years, mum has to look after it, so dad sticks around for a bit, giving her food and stuff while she brings up his kids, and after about 4 years or so, he is not needed so much anymore and he has secured the increased chance of survival of his progeny. the length of the emotional bond that a couple feel is roughly set by this sort of timescale, since it is that length that ensures increased reproductive success. of course there are other strategies for reproductive success, such as have sex with all the women that you can, and some of them will look after your kid and that sort of thing, but for the purposes of the OP these things are irrelevant since you are considering the state of your marriage.
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Unread 16 Jun 2005, 09:14   #46
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Radical Edward
that is the standard human emotional cycle for a relationship.
It was "back then", but will increasingly become less of the case as time goes on. Responding not to the circumstances around you but of some previous time is a good way to get stuck in an evolutionary rut, and be laughed at by all the other species (assuming they exist).
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Unread 16 Jun 2005, 10:08   #47
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarina_Joy
This may sound a little er harsh but - you talk a lot, you go out, you read similar books... do you actually enjoy her company??? As in just being with her with no books, tv or chores to distract you? I'm getting the impression that you've lost your enjoyment of each other and that your sex life is suffering as a consequence.

heh.. maybe we need a new forum 'Ask Sarina' ... it's all the rage, most forums seem to have an personal/relationship advice section, even PlanetQuake had Mynx

Also.. why are all the single men giving out advice, where are the (admittedly few) married GD'ers. Paging Dead Meat!
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Unread 16 Jun 2005, 10:37   #48
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri
It was "back then", but will increasingly become less of the case as time goes on.
might do if it selectively beneficial. anyway, it appears that Chika is still under the influence of these outmoded genes, he should do the decent thing and reduce their presence in the next generation.
Quote:
Responding not to the circumstances around you but of some previous time is a good way to get stuck in an evolutionary rut, and be laughed at by all the other species (assuming they exist).
For chika, a rut is up. the rest of us can contribute to the future gene pool.
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Unread 16 Jun 2005, 10:37   #49
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri
It was "back then", but will increasingly become less of the case as time goes on. Responding not to the circumstances around you but of some previous time is a good way to get stuck in an evolutionary rut, and be laughed at by all the other species (assuming they exist).
Well, everything evolves / changes anyway. I don't think it's easily possible to stop it, even if you try.
Dogs are always laughing at us anyway. But not as much as cats.

I got neg repped from on high for being "too dull" in origional my reply for some reason (i.e. be romantic etc). I do agree with what's been said since, that your sex life is dependant to some extent on other bits of your relationship (and you can use those to lead to sex if you work hard enough and really want it to), but as a mere mortal I'm also going to try and make my post more interesting.
So, interesting ways to spice up your sex life. Suggest to your wife you want to have sex while:
Parachuting/sky diving (some people already do this naked..)
Scubadiving (with wet suits(?) - does make it hard to kiss though)
Paragliding / Handgliding (I admit this might be quite difficult)
Having a hot air balloon trip (might actually be quite romantic, as long as you don't tip the basket over)
Bungee jumping (in tandem - the bit where you reach the bottom and both get pulled back up would be fun. Might also break bits of you off....)


Quote:
Originally Posted by djbass
Also.. why are all the single men giving out advice, where are the (admittedly few) married GD'ers. Paging Dead Meat!
Part of the joy of being on things like GD is that as soon as anyone thinks they know things about the topic at hand, they can immediately post those bits of information extended to whatever degree they desire, to be "helpful". I know I do.
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Unread 16 Jun 2005, 10:41   #50
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Re: Making love [thread mainly for people with wife or steady girlfriend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Appocomaster
So, interesting ways to spice up your sex life. Suggest to your wife you want to have sex while:
Parachuting/sky diving (some people already do this naked..)
when did Chika tell you that "it's all over in 30 seconds?" as it would have to be if he wanted to pull the rip cord before going "sploot*"

*where sploot is the sound of hitting the ground, rather than the other sploot which is the sound of......
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