Driver Quotes from the Underground

[TheShadowMan]

"May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it is only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage."

On the Northern Line: "Beggars are operating on this train; please do NOT encourage these professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."

On the Central Line: "Next time, Sir, you might find it easier to wait until the doors are open before trying to get on the train"

At Camden Town Station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon): 'Please let the passengers off the train first....Please let the passengers off the train first....Please let the passengers off the train first....Let the passengers off the train FIRST! Oh go on then - stuff yourselves in like sardines; see if I care - I'm going home.'

At West Hampstead: "We can't move off because some c**t has their f**king hand stuck in the door'

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria Station, and we are stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... `Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....`"

Driver: "I apologise for the delay leaving the station ladies and gentlemen; this is due to a crusty masturbating on the train at Edgware Road. Someone has activated the alarm and he is being removed from the train."

"Please mind the closing doors..." (The doors close. The doors open.)

"Passengers are reminded that the big red slidey things on the side of the train are called the doors. Let's try it again, shall we? Please stand clear of the doors." (The doors close...) "Thank you."

Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with `Please hold the doors open.` The two are distinct and separate instructions."

[Phalon]

heh

Made me smile

[Nodrog]

Originally Posted by TheShadowMan

On the Northern Line: "Beggars are operating on this train; please do NOT encourage these professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me." "

I honestly want to murder people that give money to the wankers who come on the tube with guitars and start begging.

edit: I cant seem to make this sentence structure any less horrible

[Phalon]

They're not as bad as the crazy woman who hops on the Picadilly line of an evening preaching about how we're all going to roast in hell.

[Vaio]

Originally Posted by Nodrog

I honestly want to murder people that give money to the wankers who come on the tube with guitars and start begging.

edit: I cant seem to make this sentence structure any less horrible

I hated those tossers that used to play accordians on the Northern Line.

~Vaio~

[lokken]

Originally Posted by Vaio

I hated the Northern Line.

fixed

[Dead_Meat]

Originally Posted by Nodrog

I honestly want to murder the people that give money to guitar playing wankers who come on the tube and start begging.

[Vaio]

Originally Posted by lokken

fixed

Much better

~Vaio~

[pig]

made me laugh nice thread

[Richie987]

It's so true

[Leshy]

Originally Posted by Nodrog

I honestly want to murder people that give money to the wankers who come on the tube with guitars and start begging.

Be happy they bring a guitar.

One early morning, it couldn't have been much later than about 9AM, I was travelling towards college. Sitting relaxedly in the corner chair of the upper deck of the train, with my mp3 player bringing some soothing music to a dreary morning, I notice the door behind me open. I look around to see if I need to reach for my wallet to show my ticket, but it isn't Mr. Trainman. It's one of the bums that generally go around the train with their music instrument, hoping that people will give them money.

This is not what freaks me out. You encounter them frequently on some lines, so I'm used to seeing them. What does freak me out, is that he's carrying a trumpet. Yes, an actual, lifesize trumpet. I just sit there in sheer terror and fright, following him as he walks through the compartment, wondering if I can somehow crank up the volume enough on my mp3 player to get rid of him, without permanently blasting the insides of my ears into my brains. The people around me have the same uneased look about them.

The guy walks on, and leaves the compartment. I have never felt such a general sense of relief as when the door closed behind him. About one minute later, the vague yet clearly audible sounds of some horrible trumpet noise can be heard from the next compartment. My previous experience of uniqueness was immediately surpassed by the sensation of seeing an entire train compartment burst out in laughter at the misfortune of those in the next compartments.

I can only imagine they paid him to stop abusing that poor instrument.

[Radical Edward]

London Tubes are strange places. My old stop used to be south Ealing, where the Romanies used to accumulate - the ones who walk round with their babies begging. Notice how some of them swathe their babies up in so much cloth that they couldn't possibly breathe, that's because (some of) their babies are actually dolls!

anyway, when travelling from South Ealing to Fulham Broadway on a saturday (north End road market is ace) there was commonly a screaming bible thumper. he was irritating.

oh Nod, in the South Kensington tunnel from the station to Imperial College, is that old bloke who walks backwards and forwards all day still there or has he died/found a new tunnel? last time I was at IC I didn't see him, though sometimes he disappeared for a few days.

[Weeks]

One, I emailed everyone I know with these, and more, ages ago.
Thanks for reminding me of them.
And I quite like music on the underground, it's one of few nice things the underground has. That was two.
Three, nice Custom User Title.

[lokken]

I'm sure the big issue seller is actually glued to the same spot at St.Pancras, and never moves.

Worst buskers on the tube have to be ****s with flutes - high pitched noise in a small tunnel is a top way to piss people off.

[Rids]

I hate the tube, all of it.

I travel to and from work on it, 5 days a week, and usually accross town on my days off for other reasons. I'm fed up with having to swing elbows to get a seat, I'm fed up with people not having the decency to wait for the next train. There is a train coming along in two minutes, this one is clearly full, there isnt room to breathe here, why do they insist on trying to cram on?

Also, why is it people get the arsehole when I sieze any oppurtunity for a seat? I know my tube stations, I always position myself infront of the doors so I can jump on quickly and grab any available seat. Why do I get 50 year old women looking at me with pathetic little doe eyes like they want the seat, STAND UP LOVE, it will do you good.

[zakoff]

I'm glad i live somewhere nice.