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21 Mar 2007, 15:53
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#1
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Evil inside
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 3,631
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It's not always easy
Im having a friend who treats his gf (whom he lives with) rather badly.
He has been showing some classical signs of a possible wife-beater from what his gf has told me. His drinking and weed smocking also effects her negativly.
typical signs:
*rages, so she is scared to take up things with him
*trying to preventing her to stay more than two weeeks with her family, away from him
*treating her better when there is other people present
Have anyone else been in this position? During the time when his gf was away to visit her family, I had a chat with him. I had the feeling he wasnt beeing totally honest with me. Later Ive tried to follow up, but he avoids the subject all together.
Why is it so damn hard to take those discussions, specially with friends?
__________________
<Germania>but you called Fury a bully, and that is terribly unfair
<Hicks>Occassionally individuals do things without Executive consent
<Dreadnought>You cant whois on Eclipse server without a registered nic, which mr ****stirrer doesnt have.
<Almeida> well i like to grow fat myself too, and when i have enough ships then i can engage in big battles
<Nantoz> Zhukov for Lord Protector!
<Jakiri> (Windows)XP was fine on release
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21 Mar 2007, 15:57
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#2
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Re: It's not always easy
A raging, drinking and weedmoking friend who treats his girlfriend badly.
Why is he your friend anyway and why would you care about her if she's too stupid to stay with a faggot like that?
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..look
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21 Mar 2007, 16:35
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London
Posts: 3,347
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Re: It's not always easy
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
why would you care about her if she's too stupid to stay with a faggot like that?
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And you were going so well up until then as well.
__________________
The 20th century has been characterised by three developments of great political importance. The growth of democracy; the growth of corporate power; and the growth of corporate propaganda as a means of protecting corporate power against democracy.
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21 Mar 2007, 16:38
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#4
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Re: It's not always easy
I don't have much compassion for people hanging into bad relationships like life never ends.
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..look
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21 Mar 2007, 16:39
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#5
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I ♡ ☠
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 834
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Re: It's not always easy
I'm pretty sure a friend of mine hit his girlfriend. I knew he had a short temper and was often annoyed with his girlfriend flirtatious behaviour. Then one evening I met them for a drink. I saw a bruise on his girlfriend's face, and I jokingly said to her: "Has Chris been beating you again?" The look of guilt on both of their faces said it all really.
I often wondered what I could have done. I wasn't going to ring social services or whoever because of my affinity towards my friend. But then he had hit her. In the end I decided at least I'd embarrassed him, and hoped that would help its cessation.
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21 Mar 2007, 16:48
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#6
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London
Posts: 3,347
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Re: It's not always easy
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
I don't have much compassion for people hanging into bad relationships like life never ends.
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Well it depends on the situation but I would imagine there is a certain degree of emotional tramua in these cases so it becomes more than a decision not to do the stupid thing. the creation of fear is a powerful method of control so the idea of leaving creates terror if he should ever find her.
If we compare to addiction then it becomes a little clearer. Having an addiction is not just about choosing to do something even though you know it's bad for you, it goes deeper than that and saying 'just stop being an addict' is to completely miss the point of what an addiction is.
__________________
The 20th century has been characterised by three developments of great political importance. The growth of democracy; the growth of corporate power; and the growth of corporate propaganda as a means of protecting corporate power against democracy.
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21 Mar 2007, 16:53
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 227
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Re: It's not always easy
id try and get close to the girl enough so that she confides in you what actually goes on, if your suspicions are correct, get her to leave him, and fight him man on man, the way it should be
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21 Mar 2007, 16:55
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#8
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Lucky
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: -
Posts: 3,830
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Re: It's not always easy
what a ****.
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21 Mar 2007, 17:16
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#9
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Pro. Elbow Licker
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 247
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Re: It's not always easy
if you're lucky you'll get the girl too!
edit: spelling error, thanks for pointing that one out to me whoever oh so anonymously did it <3
__________________
.: Truth is an event, and only through experience can the veracity of a truth be verified. :.
.: A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. :.
.: Soaring where angels fear to fly. :.
Last edited by cura; 21 Mar 2007 at 21:38.
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21 Mar 2007, 17:19
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#10
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Shadows and Dust
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: The Black Bastion
Posts: 329
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Re: It's not always easy
Are you harder than your mate? heh otherwise you'll need more tact.
__________________
Nick: Swing
R3 or so - Cell/Elysium
Looong break
R20 - Orbit
R21 - Subh (Finished rank 58)
8 year break
R60 - ND -> Ultores (Finished rank 48)
R61 - Rogues
14:05 <Swing> I wear a cape and a burger king paper crown when i play pa
14:10 <Zwanstic> u also talk alot of shit
14:14 <Blue_Esper> you're a weird unit
12:33 <hone> oddr is where we send all the semi retarded and gay bashing ult has beens LOL
12:34 <hone> thats where u should be swing lol
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21 Mar 2007, 17:40
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#11
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deserves a medal
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,211
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Re: It's not always easy
Tell the girl what you think and then shag her
He deserves it, she deserves it, you deserve it
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"I have with me two gods, Persuasion and Compulsion."
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21 Mar 2007, 18:15
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#12
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Evil inside
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 3,631
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Re: It's not always easy
I have already told her she should moving out.
And there is some obvious psychological details here who brings some trouble to this, but I wont go into detail.
__________________
<Germania>but you called Fury a bully, and that is terribly unfair
<Hicks>Occassionally individuals do things without Executive consent
<Dreadnought>You cant whois on Eclipse server without a registered nic, which mr ****stirrer doesnt have.
<Almeida> well i like to grow fat myself too, and when i have enough ships then i can engage in big battles
<Nantoz> Zhukov for Lord Protector!
<Jakiri> (Windows)XP was fine on release
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21 Mar 2007, 23:36
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#13
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: It's not always easy
There's nothing wrong with beatings, as long everything is explicitly consensual (my ex used to complain I didn't enjoy beating her enough ).
Anyway, this guy sounds like a twat, abandon him as a friend or intervene by beating him up or whatever.
I don't really understand threads which basically start "My friend is really shit...". If anyone I knew seriously started being shit (and I'm not talking about unreliable, or a bit moody after a relationship breakup, but genuinely a poor example of a human being) I simply wouldn't associate with them anymore. Why would you?
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21 Mar 2007, 23:41
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#14
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I am.
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 6,580
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Re: It's not always easy
lex romane pax romana
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hi
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21 Mar 2007, 23:57
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#15
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Evil inside
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 3,631
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Re: It's not always easy
Dante
If he was beating her, I would tell him to stop and appologize or loose me as a friend. Right now I think I will be more of help to her as staying a friend to him.
__________________
<Germania>but you called Fury a bully, and that is terribly unfair
<Hicks>Occassionally individuals do things without Executive consent
<Dreadnought>You cant whois on Eclipse server without a registered nic, which mr ****stirrer doesnt have.
<Almeida> well i like to grow fat myself too, and when i have enough ships then i can engage in big battles
<Nantoz> Zhukov for Lord Protector!
<Jakiri> (Windows)XP was fine on release
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22 Mar 2007, 00:04
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#16
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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Re: It's not always easy
any man who hits a woman is despicable, its one of those things that there is simply no excuse for. (obviously i am excluding dante's 'beatings' from this ) but any man who seriously hit a woman in my eyes needs the biggest kicking of his life. Apart from anything else its a form of bullying, of torture, and the woman should get as far away as she can as soon as possible. When he has done it once he will do it again.
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lazy
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22 Mar 2007, 10:00
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#17
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Shadows and Dust
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: The Black Bastion
Posts: 329
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Re: It's not always easy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toccata & Fugue
That kind of sounds like bollocks to me.
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Not really, he could show his friend the mad fiend he's become and reason with him, if he tries to beat him up straight away it could be taken out on the girlfriend or somesuch. I just say make a stand and confront asap rather than let it get worse or your friend thinks it's okay to do it again.
Introduce him to pa to release excess anger
__________________
Nick: Swing
R3 or so - Cell/Elysium
Looong break
R20 - Orbit
R21 - Subh (Finished rank 58)
8 year break
R60 - ND -> Ultores (Finished rank 48)
R61 - Rogues
14:05 <Swing> I wear a cape and a burger king paper crown when i play pa
14:10 <Zwanstic> u also talk alot of shit
14:14 <Blue_Esper> you're a weird unit
12:33 <hone> oddr is where we send all the semi retarded and gay bashing ult has beens LOL
12:34 <hone> thats where u should be swing lol
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22 Mar 2007, 14:45
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#18
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I see you!
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: In any girl
Posts: 2,825
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Re: It's not always easy
Shame I just got home from Bergen, Zhukov, else we could go beat him up together
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22 Mar 2007, 16:40
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#19
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,476
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Re: It's not always easy
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
A raging, drinking and weedmoking friend who treats his girlfriend badly.
Why is he your friend anyway and why would you care about her if she's too stupid to stay with a faggot like that?
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Yeah, pretty much.
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22 Mar 2007, 17:25
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#20
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Rawr rawr
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Upside down
Posts: 5,300
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Re: It's not always easy
Quote:
Originally Posted by roadrunner_0
any man who hits a woman is despicable, its one of those things that there is simply no excuse for. (obviously i am excluding dante's 'beatings' from this ) but any man who seriously hit a woman in my eyes needs the biggest kicking of his life.
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Then women shouldn't be allowed to hit us either... emancipation èh!
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"Yay"
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22 Mar 2007, 18:35
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#21
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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Re: It's not always easy
funnily enough i agree, yes, women shouldn't hit men either, although there is a greater degree of ambiguity there as physically a woman punching a man (obviously i'm talking about a 'most people' scenario here, a female kickboxer against some poor bloke in the street would be a bit shitty) but physically a woman punching a man is likely to to less damage as you would hope that the man could adequately defend himself without resorting to punching her back.
EDIT: and yes i know that this leads to some serious 'grey areas' but its hard to explain exactly what i mean here
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lazy
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22 Mar 2007, 19:28
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#22
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: It's not always easy
Of course hitting another human being without their consent is wrong, what the hell?
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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22 Mar 2007, 20:05
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#23
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Shadows and Dust
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: The Black Bastion
Posts: 329
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Re: It's not always easy
Watch the movie 300 and be inspired to be beaten by your woman and take it!
__________________
Nick: Swing
R3 or so - Cell/Elysium
Looong break
R20 - Orbit
R21 - Subh (Finished rank 58)
8 year break
R60 - ND -> Ultores (Finished rank 48)
R61 - Rogues
14:05 <Swing> I wear a cape and a burger king paper crown when i play pa
14:10 <Zwanstic> u also talk alot of shit
14:14 <Blue_Esper> you're a weird unit
12:33 <hone> oddr is where we send all the semi retarded and gay bashing ult has beens LOL
12:34 <hone> thats where u should be swing lol
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22 Mar 2007, 20:11
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#24
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Angry Young Man
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Mister Cacciatore's down on Sullivan Street
Posts: 7,518
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Re: It's not always easy
she'll just be attracted to him more if it continues
__________________
Believe in me, cause i don't believe in anything
And i wanna be someone, to believe, to believe in
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22 Mar 2007, 21:15
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#25
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 247
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Re: It's not always easy
Real men hurt their women in such a way that they don't leave bruises.
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23 Mar 2007, 00:39
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#26
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USS Oklahoma
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,500
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Re: It's not always easy
Domestic violence is a serious and complex problem.
It is about domination and control of one human being by another.
It is often generational.
Domestic violence causes almost as many deaths as gang violence in the US.
There is no easy answer.
The woman has to gain the confidence in herself to break the cycle of violence. This usually requires a lot of support from family and friends. Unfortunately, it also often results in additional violence on the part of the man.
Usually the man blames the woman for "pushing" him to violence. Sadly, the woman commonly also blames herself for the violence unleashed upon her. This is what makes it so difficult to deal with.
Here, there are battered women's shelters where counseling is available. Violence should never go unreported.
__________________
Ignorance is curable, stupidity is not.
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23 Mar 2007, 02:28
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#27
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Evil inside
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 3,631
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Re: It's not always easy
Quote:
Originally Posted by dda
It is often generational.
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A few weeks ago I learned that he had been beaten by his father, and that his father had psyhologicly mistreated his mother (but not physicly abused her).
__________________
<Germania>but you called Fury a bully, and that is terribly unfair
<Hicks>Occassionally individuals do things without Executive consent
<Dreadnought>You cant whois on Eclipse server without a registered nic, which mr ****stirrer doesnt have.
<Almeida> well i like to grow fat myself too, and when i have enough ships then i can engage in big battles
<Nantoz> Zhukov for Lord Protector!
<Jakiri> (Windows)XP was fine on release
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23 Mar 2007, 10:57
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#28
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Bad Girl
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: right here..right now
Posts: 1,055
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Re: It's not always easy
Firstly - She needs to get her arse out of there.
Secondly - He needs to stop drinking, stop smoking (not saying either are bad things in moderation, but both heighten emotional states and his is obviously a bad one so neither are going to very good for him).
Thirdly - He needs to deal with his childhood so he doesnt repeat it and become his father.
beating him up will solve nothing, may in fact make things worse, as picking on those who cant defend themselves ( domestic violence and bullying) is a sign of low esteem and getting beaten up is not condusive to boosting that esteem.
Violence begetting violence, all you will do is make things worse.
But above all this, the woman involved has to realise this isnt her fault, and the Friend has to accept he has a problem and deal with it in a non aggressive manner.
Why is it so hard to deal with this with people you know ? Beacuse you thought you knew that person, you thought they were your friend, you cant believe you made such a bad judgement, and you wish that your wrong, that he isnt like that really, because it makes you feel like a bad person for not seeing it and you just want to ignore it because its painfull and you fear you will loose someone whom you thought was a friend.
__________________
R1 - noob
R2,3,4, - ICD | R5 -ICD HC |R6 - HR Command | R7 - HR Command/NoS
R8,9,9.5,- HR HC /NoS Exec | R10 - HR HC | R10.5 - HR HC (FYTFO with LCH)
R11 -> NOW HR HC
(a round history not condusive to suceeding in exams, having a life or much sleep )
I'm not misunderstood ... I'm EVIL
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15 May 2007, 21:27
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#29
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Evil inside
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 3,631
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Re: It's not always easy
1) He went physical on her.
2) She moved out.
__________________
<Germania>but you called Fury a bully, and that is terribly unfair
<Hicks>Occassionally individuals do things without Executive consent
<Dreadnought>You cant whois on Eclipse server without a registered nic, which mr ****stirrer doesnt have.
<Almeida> well i like to grow fat myself too, and when i have enough ships then i can engage in big battles
<Nantoz> Zhukov for Lord Protector!
<Jakiri> (Windows)XP was fine on release
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15 May 2007, 21:29
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#30
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London
Posts: 3,347
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Re: It's not always easy
Whilst that's rather vague and does require some explaination, I'm reluctant to see your post count change from 3456.
__________________
The 20th century has been characterised by three developments of great political importance. The growth of democracy; the growth of corporate power; and the growth of corporate propaganda as a means of protecting corporate power against democracy.
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15 May 2007, 22:35
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#31
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Raaaaaaaah!
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 2,296
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Re: It's not always easy
Man I wish I could convince my girlfriend to spend more than two weeks with her family
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Hicks
Mercury & Solace
Always [Fury]
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15 May 2007, 22:52
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#32
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: It's not always easy
It's time to get out those knuckledusters then Christopher.
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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16 May 2007, 02:21
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#33
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Bona Fide Jesus Freak
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: In the Word of the Lord
Posts: 765
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Re: It's not always easy
I was going to suggest you buy your friend a couple of tank top undershirts and tell him "If you are going to act the part I guess you better look the part also."
__________________
Matthew 24:9 (New International Version) "Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me."
Who the hell gave you posrep you christian fundamentalist?
god is bollox, mkay and you are not discussing it
You're not the voice of Christianity di**head.
CT R22-20, [1up] R18-16, TGV R15,
The Illuminati - [NoS] - R14-13
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16 May 2007, 04:33
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#34
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USS Oklahoma
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,500
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Re: It's not always easy
This problem is all too common. Last week, in little Stockto alone, over 300 cases involving domestic violence were on the court's calendar.
__________________
Ignorance is curable, stupidity is not.
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16 May 2007, 20:14
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#35
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 247
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Re: It's not always easy
Quote:
Originally Posted by dda
This problem is all too common. Last week, in little Stockto alone, over 300 cases involving domestic violence were on the court's calendar.
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Just goes to show that there's an awful lot of stupid women out there who don't learn good 'n' proper the first time they're told!
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16 May 2007, 20:18
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#36
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 247
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Re: It's not always easy
On an aside has anybody else heard the song Panda Style. It was on the radio the other day whilst i was in the company of my girlfriend to whom i remarked "Would you like to have sex Panda style?". She asked what Panda style was. I informed her that to have sex Panda style first i would have to punch her in the face, giving her two black eyes, and then i would shag her. She declined.
I amuse myself anyway.
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17 May 2007, 08:25
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#37
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The PropaGhandi
Join Date: May 2001
Posts: 796
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Re: It's not always easy
Who the hell hits woman in their faces etc anyways, they like looking at ugly bruises?
If you are going to hit them, hit them somewhere normal clothes will cover it up
__________________
Free imagehosting: Link
Free scans: #transcendancy
<Deffeh> I just told my parents im a homosexual, now they kicked me out
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17 May 2007, 17:37
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#38
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 247
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Re: It's not always easy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Allfather
Who the hell hits woman in their faces etc anyways, they like looking at ugly bruises?
If you are going to hit them, hit them somewhere normal clothes will cover it up
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You were beaten (lol) to this comment by about 2 months.
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