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7 Jul 2006, 18:26
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#1
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Why I'm Grumpy
So for those of you who have listened to me yack on on IRC (in fact I think I've mentioned it here a couple of times) you might know I was kind-of-seeing a girl.
We went on one date, then I found out about the cancer. She visited me twice in hospital then went back to uni for her final term.
We agreed to "not commit to anything" because I had cancer and because she wanted to concentrate on her dissertation.
Anyway.
I went to Exeter a couple of weekends ago for the ball and to see her. Things were ok - we did argue a couple of times. Things were still on "let's see what happens when I move back to London".
This I interpreted (and so did she as far as I knew) as "let's be single for the moment while we can't see each other, but when I get back there's a good chance we'll start going out".
So at the weekend when I was visiting she decided to tell me she was going away for a week.
Now that's fine.
She was going away to see her ex though.
On her own.
Her ex who sent her a single red rose in the post.
"Nothing will happen" she said.
"We're just friends" she said.
"We've split up" she said.
So Tom, trusting her and the situation, didn't really have a problem.
When I say I didn't have a problem - I did, but I wasn't going to make a big deal as it wouldn't help anything. I just had to hope and hope nothing would change between us.
Things did change.
Cue to today and a little MSN conversation that lasted about 2.5 hours.
Apparently she "still has feelings for her ex".
She "can't be with me while she has feelings for him".
She "hasn't got back with him but she feels it'd be cruel to me to lead me on"
Oh and "he should be back from Spain in October".
Brilliant.
So all the plans I had in my mind of us being together and how it'd work and the things we'd do are completely out of the window.
Just as one area of my life starts to go back to normal, and I go into remission, another completely ****s up.
I'm suddenly being reminded of why I was single before and why I wanted to remain single without any girls complicating my life.
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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7 Jul 2006, 18:47
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#2
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King of The Fat Boys
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 3,332
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
I bet he's got a bigger cock than you.
__________________
They mostly come at night. Mostly.
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7 Jul 2006, 18:49
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#3
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Fightin-irish for life
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: guinness brewery
Posts: 2,177
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
unfortunatley there is no pleasing some women ,
glad to hear that your in remission though
plenty more fish in the sea
__________________
Ascendancy, now with added Irish
"In the absence of orders, find something and kill it."
-Rommel
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7 Jul 2006, 18:51
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#4
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USS Oklahoma
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,500
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Sounds pretty crap.
However, don't give up the search.
Once you do find the right girl it really makes the search worthwhile.
__________________
Ignorance is curable, stupidity is not.
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7 Jul 2006, 19:43
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#5
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
I just wanted to get it off my chest really - and as I don't have a blog or anything, here seemed a good place to put it.
Plus we all like reading about other's misfortune when it isn't that serious, right?!
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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7 Jul 2006, 19:45
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#6
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
Plus we all like reading about other's misfortune when it isn't that serious, right?!
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There's no need for any of the words after "misfortune", but yeah.
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7 Jul 2006, 19:59
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#7
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Well getting cancer is a serious form of misfortune.
I wouldnt have thought that's particularly ace to read about.
Although I haven't had to do it, so I could be wrong?
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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7 Jul 2006, 20:04
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#8
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Dum Di Dum Di
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 858
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
I wouldnt have thought that's particularly ace to read about.
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Nah, it was mildly entertaining.
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7 Jul 2006, 20:23
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#9
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Not Dark or Handsome
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Cwmbru
Posts: 2,588
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
She "hasn't got back with him but she feels it'd be cruel to me to lead me on"
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"I don't have a problem with that."
a) Sex, and b) it'll make her feel more guilty should she decide to dump you for him at a later date.
Win, win!
__________________
"You can't drink a pint of Bovril."
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7 Jul 2006, 20:30
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#10
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Apothos
"I don't have a problem with that."
a) Sex, and b) it'll make her feel more guilty should she decide to dump you for him at a later date.
Win, win!
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I just wrote her a text saying:
Oh by the way the whole "i don't want to get with you because it'd hurt you when he gets back from spain" thing makes no sense. i couldn't care less if you got with me while still fancying him. Mainly because i know i'm such an amazing boyfriend that within a week you'd be like "holy moly tom is fantastic i coudn't ever consider going out with anyone else as it'd be a downgrade!". TRUE STORY
I don't fancy my chances of it working but it made me smile.
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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7 Jul 2006, 20:48
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#11
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Lonely analytic
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 2,390
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Maybe she´s just testing howmuch you want her. Women are funny like that.
The choice for you is simple, do you want her or not, and will you play along or not.
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For real
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7 Jul 2006, 22:30
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#12
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Godfather
Join Date: May 2000
Location: England
Posts: 5,185
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Either shes testing you and you have to fight for her (a gf said that in some bizarre way she was maybe seeing how much i cared about her when she started seeing her ex) Or shes 'blowing you off' as the yanks term it.
As such tell her that it turns out the cancer you have is getting really bad and it turns out some of the drugs youve taken may affect her because youve been in such close proximity. Tell her to get a check up immediately or she might develop problems. Maybe tie it into radiation posioning or some shit. Just make it up!
Thatll scare the living shit out of her for ages and you can laugh and laugh.
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Forum Administrator
Mail : [email protected] // IRC : #forums
__________________
It's not personal, it's just business.
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7 Jul 2006, 22:37
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#13
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,094
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
I hate to be the complete bastard in the thread but maybe she just can't handle the fact that you've got cancer that theres a chance that you'll die and that she doesn't want the emotional turmoil and strain that will all bring. If someone i had an emotional connection with was ill obviously id be at their bedside but as it is someone i barely knew...sorry TK but id try to distance myself.
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7 Jul 2006, 22:38
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#14
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
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Because 6 other people got to choose which Dwarf they wanted to be first?
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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7 Jul 2006, 23:40
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#15
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PA Team
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 7,449
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Girls do get needy sometimes.
I appear to have discovered this quite a lot recently.
You could just let her go, which would probably be a big mistake unless you a) don't want the hassle or b) really don't like her, which from your comments doesn't seem to be the case.
Do something (good) that she's not expecting. Take her to see something nice, etc. Get back that uniqueness value, and show that now you're better you're happy spending time with her and more importantly on her (in the non-sexual sense; not always the same thing).
If you want her 'back' and to distract her from her ex, either you have to just become the perfect boyfriend ("positive" method), or sort of force her back with you by somehow pushing her away from him and back to you ("negative" method).
Good luck though!
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r8-10 RaH r10.5-12 MISTU
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7 Jul 2006, 23:48
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#16
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Victim of Marriage
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: NW Indiana
Posts: 784
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
I think women were created just to make men realize how dumb we are. I mean a guy could go his whole life and never figure out what a woman's thinking. They also get away with stuff we can't get away with. For example, my fiance uses her camera phone to take pictures of cute guys butts, and I'm supposed to be ok with that and think it's funny. If I did that she'd probably slug me or ignore me for a day or two.
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8 Jul 2006, 00:06
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#17
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Insanity Prawn Boy!
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: In a bush where you can't find me
Posts: 2,474
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
I just wrote her a text saying:
Oh by the way the whole "i don't want to get with you because it'd hurt you when he gets back from spain" thing makes no sense. i couldn't care less if you got with me while still fancying him. Mainly because i know i'm such an amazing boyfriend that within a week you'd be like "holy moly tom is fantastic i coudn't ever consider going out with anyone else as it'd be a downgrade!". TRUE STORY
I don't fancy my chances of it working but it made me smile.
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You've been on GD too long
Also did no-one tell you that people with cancer aren't aloud to ever be happy again. Ever?
__________________
They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We shall remember them.
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8 Jul 2006, 07:00
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#18
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Not Dark or Handsome
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Cwmbru
Posts: 2,588
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
I just wrote her a text saying:
Oh by the way the whole "i don't want to get with you because it'd hurt you when he gets back from spain" thing makes no sense. i couldn't care less if you got with me while still fancying him. Mainly because i know i'm such an amazing boyfriend that within a week you'd be like "holy moly tom is fantastic i coudn't ever consider going out with anyone else as it'd be a downgrade!". TRUE STORY
I don't fancy my chances of it working but it made me smile.
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Good luck.
I'd have went down the self-deprication route, myself. Awakening that maternal instinct to protect that most women have.
But then she'd lose all respect for me and dump me anyway, so maybe yours is the right way!
__________________
"You can't drink a pint of Bovril."
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8 Jul 2006, 07:47
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#19
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by jt25man
For example, my fiance uses her camera phone to take pictures of cute guys butts, and I'm supposed to be ok with that and think it's funny. If I did that she'd probably slug me or ignore me for a day or two.
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No dude, this isn't a thing about women and men generally, this is something about how you've been put in your place.
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8 Jul 2006, 09:28
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#20
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.
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 3,382
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
if that text doesn't get a positive reply (and this is a clear cut positive), cut your losses and move on; your life isn't ACTUALLY a movie, you don't need to prolong your emotional suffering by all that crap.
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8 Jul 2006, 10:53
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#21
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nomen est omen
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Bristol, UK
Posts: 1,095
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by milo
I hate to be the complete bastard in the thread but maybe she just can't handle the fact that you've got cancer that theres a chance that you'll die and that she doesn't want the emotional turmoil and strain that will all bring. If someone i had an emotional connection with was ill obviously id be at their bedside but as it is someone i barely knew...sorry TK but id try to distance myself.
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Sorry TK. milo; Cancer is n`t the only one. Women don`t want to "fall in love" with alcoholics (such as myself) only to see them die years later :/
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Me=Hans_Blix
Views expressed are those of the author and not of any company or organisation I am associated with. Electronic communication can be forged and the integrity of this message is not guaranteed.
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8 Jul 2006, 12:32
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#22
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Oh the ex also had cancer (testicular so it isn't as cool or rare as mine - what a loser am i rite) so that isn't a factor.
I'm in two minds about whether I care about it.
Part of me wants to fight but really thinks it's a losing battle and futile and I'll just annoy myself more with it.
The other part of me is very much "what should be should be" (like she arrived in my life JUST before the cancer and left it JUST after so maybe fate put her there as some sort of shoulder to cry on and now she's not needed or some crap like that). And maybe it's a good thing I won't have any commitments because it leaves me free to do what I want (like travel in the next couple of months).
I tried to explain the ladder theory to her and why we could never "really" be friends. She didn't seem to like/understand it.
Girls are mental.
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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8 Jul 2006, 12:36
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#23
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Appocomaster
Do something (good) that she's not expecting.
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Put some rohypnol in her drink and show her the time of her life?
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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8 Jul 2006, 17:20
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#24
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Insanity Prawn Boy!
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: In a bush where you can't find me
Posts: 2,474
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
I tried to explain the ladder theory to her and why we could never "really" be friends. She didn't seem to like/understand it.
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Could you explain this ladder theory for those of us without the extensive knowledge of laydeez that you have?
__________________
They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We shall remember them.
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8 Jul 2006, 17:29
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#25
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demon Dave
Could you explain this ladder theory for those of us without the extensive knowledge of laydeez that you have?
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There's two ladders and only one of them's good.
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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8 Jul 2006, 19:36
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#26
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
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That sites genius!
__________________
pig
[ 1u p]
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8 Jul 2006, 20:54
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#27
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Insanity Prawn Boy!
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: In a bush where you can't find me
Posts: 2,474
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
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ahhh, now I (sort-of) understand wimmens a bit more
__________________
They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We shall remember them.
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8 Jul 2006, 22:52
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#28
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,174
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by pig
That sites genius!
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I read it a long time ago, but it's so true its ageless.
__________________
If one person is in delusion, they're called insane.
If many people are in delusion, it's called a religion.
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9 Jul 2006, 01:42
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#29
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Lonely analytic
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 2,390
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
It sure is!
__________________
For real
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9 Jul 2006, 01:48
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#30
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Victim of Marriage
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: NW Indiana
Posts: 784
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
It sure makes sense. Explains a few of my past relationships
__________________
You mean there's life outside the internet...oh man I'm screwed.
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9 Jul 2006, 13:02
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#31
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 109
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Dace for ever thanks for posting that site.
It has ended my crush on a cuddle bitch
Glory to that site
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9 Jul 2006, 13:15
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#32
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
It's funny because all guys who read that theory nod and agree with it.
All girls who read it go "no way! i have guy friends!" or similar.
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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9 Jul 2006, 13:39
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#33
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 109
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
It's funny because all guys who read that theory nod and agree with it.
All girls who read it go "no way! i have guy friends!" or similar.
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Girls are ignorant fuks, and i love it about them
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9 Jul 2006, 14:02
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#34
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Well the thing I love about that site is that it asks the simple question to a female
"If you walked up to a guy friend, naked and said take me do you think he would turn you down"
At the end of the day we are guys, and the answer would be that of course he wouldnt turn down sex.
My "female" friends if they came up to me, and threw themselves on me, hell I wouldnt be a good friend if I didnt pop that.
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pig
[ 1u p]
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10 Jul 2006, 12:19
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#35
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
Oh the ex also had cancer
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So she's a cancer fetishist who ran off with someone who had a better cancer than you did - that old story. You don't want to be bothering with a cow like that. *jabs you playfully on the arm* There's plenty more fish in the sea, you big faggot.
btw, do you have an Elton John wig which you use to scare small children with?
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10 Jul 2006, 13:34
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#36
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PA Team
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 7,449
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
The site is interesting but it's just really clarifying known things. I don't see what all the "omg" is about. It all seems really obvious
__________________
r8-10 RaH r10.5-12 MISTU
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10 Jul 2006, 17:17
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#37
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Angry Young Man
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Mister Cacciatore's down on Sullivan Street
Posts: 7,518
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Re: Why I'm Grumpy
<3
Women and their options eh, must be so hard.
__________________
Believe in me, cause i don't believe in anything
And i wanna be someone, to believe, to believe in
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