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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 13:51   #1
JammyJim
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The Good Wife Guide
I realise its old but whilst looking for things to delete i found this beauty :

===========================
The Good Wife Guide.

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return from work. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.

Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. Clear away the clutter.

Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up school books, toys, papers etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables. During the colder months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. Minimize all noise.

At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner, or even stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom.

Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange the pillow and offer to take off his shoes.

Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. Don' t ask him questions about is actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.

Once he has had a chance to have his evening meal clear the dishes and wash up promptly. If your husband should offer to help decline his offer as he may feel obliged to repeat this offer and after a long working day he does not need the extra work. Encourage your husband to pursue his hobbies and interests and be supportive without seeming to encroach.

If you have any little hobbies yourself try not to bore him speaking of these, as women's interests are often rather trivial compared to men's.

At the end of the evening tidy the home ready for the morning and again think ahead to his breakfast needs. Your husband's breakfast is vital if he is to face the outside world in a positive fashion.

Once you have both retired to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.

When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it.

In all things be lead by your husband's wishes, do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress then accede humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had. Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night time face and hair care products.

You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.

===============================
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 17:23   #2
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flavius
old but good.

like wine
and your mum lol




(sorry, i tried my best to resist)
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 17:55   #3
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
I thought there was going to be a punchline.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 18:13   #4
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
No. It's just the general guidelines for women ... last year or whatever?
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 18:21   #5
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
That could have been written about me!


Quote:
Originally Posted by JammyJim

But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious.



Quote:
Originally Posted by JammyJim
If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.
What kind of a wimpy scaredy-cat man is this?!
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 19:09   #6
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
Women!

Know your Limits!
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 19:18   #7
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
For the love of god, this is possibly the single most applicable thing you could say 'old' about. Being that it's from Good Housekeeping in 1955.
And I'm sure it's been passed around to just about every single persons email account a billion times over in the past few years as well.
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Unread 11 Oct 2005, 23:18   #8
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
I didnt say it wasnt. I just saw it and thought 'this doozy hasnt been posted in at least 6 months'
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 00:28   #9
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
That is actually a real article from a real magazine?

When I get married, I'm going to subscribe straight away and discreetly leave a copy each weak in the kitchen next to the sink.
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 00:42   #10
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arachnidman
That is actually a real article from a real magazine?

When I get married, I'm going to subscribe straight away and discreetly leave a copy each weak in the kitchen next to the sink.
snopes to the rescue again

I thought of it as "The Good KaneEd guide" btw
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 09:31   #11
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
Quote:
Originally Posted by JammyJim
Women!

Know your Limits!

aah yes, back when Harry Enfield was funny.
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 09:33   #12
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arachnidman
That is actually a real article from a real magazine?

When I get married, I'm going to subscribe straight away and discreetly leave a copy each weak in the kitchen next to the sink.
she will reply by leaving a dictionary in your bag.
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I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together..........

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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 10:16   #13
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
Quote:
Originally Posted by JammyJim
Be a little gay
Oh yeh!


this has been forwarded to my gf and she's taking it rather seriously...
Quote:
Originally Posted by my gf
says:
catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
says:
yeh right
says:
so you expect your wife to do all this?
says:
If you have any little hobbies yourself try not to bore him speaking of these, as women's interests are often rather trivial compared to men's.
says:
bollocks
says:
If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.
says:
jesus christ....
says:
Should your husband suggest congress then accede humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's.
says:
it gets worse....
says:
Ill just lie there from now on shall i?
Heh
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 10:30   #14
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
i see 40 years of womens lib didnot really have an effect on the GD users:P
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 11:37   #15
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
:crymeariver:
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 11:44   #16
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
Quote:
Originally Posted by lokken
:crymeariver:
it looks like one of the simpsons has lazer eyes
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 11:46   #17
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
Quote:
Originally Posted by lokken
:crymeariver:
When did this smiley appear? (this is the first use of it on all the forums!)
:crymeariver:
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 11:50   #18
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
They appear to have invented it in #forums in the last half hour.

Blame lokken :p
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 11:52   #19
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
:crazyxmas:
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 12:04   #20
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
We definitely need a :faggot: and a :shutthe****up: smiley for this forum.
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 12:07   #21
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
heh.

indeed.

I wonder if our talented art team can come up with something.
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[20:27:47] <nodrog-aawy> **** i think my housemate just caught me masturbating
[11:25:32] <idimmu> you are a little piggy arent you
[13:17:00] <KaneED> i'm so closet i'm like narnia
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Pretty parks and funky scrap metal things here
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 12:10   #22
JammyJim
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JammyJim has ascended to a higher existance and no longer needs rep points to prove the size of his e-penis.JammyJim has ascended to a higher existance and no longer needs rep points to prove the size of his e-penis.JammyJim has ascended to a higher existance and no longer needs rep points to prove the size of his e-penis.JammyJim has ascended to a higher existance and no longer needs rep points to prove the size of his e-penis.JammyJim has ascended to a higher existance and no longer needs rep points to prove the size of his e-penis.JammyJim has ascended to a higher existance and no longer needs rep points to prove the size of his e-penis.JammyJim has ascended to a higher existance and no longer needs rep points to prove the size of his e-penis.JammyJim has ascended to a higher existance and no longer needs rep points to prove the size of his e-penis.JammyJim has ascended to a higher existance and no longer needs rep points to prove the size of his e-penis.JammyJim has ascended to a higher existance and no longer needs rep points to prove the size of his e-penis.JammyJim has ascended to a higher existance and no longer needs rep points to prove the size of his e-penis.
Re: The Good Wife Guide
i saw the :crymeariver: one whilst trying to rebuild my msn smileys after a fresh install and it just screamed 'DOWNLOAD ME'.

then i sent it to kaneed who didnt get it because hes a fool but lok said 'upload it at once lolz' so i thought 'why not'




true story.
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Unread 12 Oct 2005, 12:13   #23
Ste
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarina_Joy
We definitely need a :faggot: and a :shutthe****up: smiley for this forum.
also knows as :koen: and :flavius:*


*first names that came into my head.

While we're on the subject can we have the following smileys:

http://img292.imageshack.us/img292/4...anghead0mb.gif
http://img292.imageshack.us/img292/6513/postpics1xm.gif
http://img292.imageshack.us/img292/1093/buttocks2jt.gif
http://img292.imageshack.us/img292/7618/wtf4wn.gif

There are more I could suggest...
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yeh so Plastic Brilliance is now known as FOXYSTOAT - Come on by and check it out!
Last edited by Ste; 12 Oct 2005 at 12:20.
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Unread 13 Oct 2005, 07:00   #24
demiGOD
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Re: The Good Wife Guide
The good wife guide of the 21st century:

When you hear his car pull up the driveway, take a knee behind the front door and slightly open your mouth.
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