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Unread 1 Feb 2006, 09:58   #1
Kurashima
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Just got into work? Cant be arsed this morning?

Cheer yourself up a bit with these


UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?

THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.

Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.

Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!

Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling entertainers
or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.

Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written
by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?

Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G,
revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!

NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the
initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC BRISTOL
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I
can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?

FAMILY FORTUNES
1) Something a blind man might use? - A Sword

2) A song with the word Moon in the title? - Blue Suede Moon

3) Name the capital of France? - F

4) Name a bird with a long Neck? - Naomi Campbell

5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar

6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital

7) What is Hitler's first name? - Heil

8) A famous Scotsman? - Jock

9) Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde.

10) A dangerous race? - The Arabs

11) Something that floats in a bath? - Water

12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? - A horse

13) Something you wear on a beach? - A deckchair

14) A famous Royal? - Mail

15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? - A bicycle with wings

16) A famous bridge? - The Bridge Over Troubled Waters

17) Something a cat does? - Goes to the toilet

18) Something you do in the bathroom? - Decorate

19) A method of securing your home? - Put the kettle on

20) Something associated with pigs? - The Police

21) A sign of the Zodiac? - April

22) Something people might be allergic to? - Skiing

23) Something you do before you go to bed? - Sleep

24) Something you put on walls? - A roof

25) Something slippery? - A conman

26) A kind of ache? - A fillet of fish

27) A jacket potato topping? - Jam

28) A food that can be brown or white? - A potato

29) Something sold by gypsies? - Bananas

30) Something red? - My sweater

RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.

Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.

Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.

THIS MORNING
Judy Finnegan: The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera. True or
false?
Contestant: True?
Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American TV
show,so I'll give you that.

BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four

BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?

DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
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And the Banker, inspired with a courage so new
It was matter for general remark,
Rushed madly ahead and was lost to their view
In his zeal to discover the Snark
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Unread 1 Feb 2006, 10:21   #2
SilverSmoke
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SilverSmoke contributes so much and asks for so littleSilverSmoke contributes so much and asks for so littleSilverSmoke contributes so much and asks for so littleSilverSmoke contributes so much and asks for so littleSilverSmoke contributes so much and asks for so littleSilverSmoke contributes so much and asks for so littleSilverSmoke contributes so much and asks for so littleSilverSmoke contributes so much and asks for so littleSilverSmoke contributes so much and asks for so littleSilverSmoke contributes so much and asks for so littleSilverSmoke contributes so much and asks for so little
Re: Just got into work? Cant be arsed this morning?

Due to circumstances I am degrated to a callcentre bitch for today it seems. Shit.
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Unread 1 Feb 2006, 10:52   #3
roadrunner_0
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Re: Just got into work? Cant be arsed this morning?

an early morning smile
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Unread 1 Feb 2006, 11:50   #4
pyirt
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Re: Just got into work? Cant be arsed this morning?

Quote:
Originally Posted by roadrunner_0
an early morning smile
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Unread 1 Feb 2006, 12:24   #5
Ste
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Re: Just got into work? Cant be arsed this morning?

okok I'll share some of the million circulating emails I've had at work:

Quote:
The Pope was having a shower. Although he is very strict about the Celibacy rules, he occasionally felt the need to exercise the right Wrist, and this was one of these occasions.
Just as he reached the Papal Climax he saw a photographer taking a picture of the holy seed flying through the air.
"Hold on a minute" said the Pope. "You can't do that. You'll destroy the reputation of the Catholic Church.".
"This picture is my lottery win" said the photographer. "I'll be financially secure for life."
So, the Pope offered to buy the camera off the photographer, and after lots of negotiation, they eventually arrived at a figure of two million dollars.
The Pope then dried himself off, and headed off with his new camera.
He met his housekeeper, who spotted the camera. "That looks like a really good camera," she said, "how much did it cost You?"
Two million dollars" replied the Pope.
"TWO MILLION DOLLARS!" said the housekeeper, "They must have seen you Coming."
Quote:
>On his first day on the job, the trainee dialled the kitchen and
> shouted
> >into the phone: "Get me a F***ING cup of coffee, quickly!" The voice
> >from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialled the wrong
> >extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
> >"No," replied the trainee.
> >"It's the Managing Director of the company, idiot!"
> > The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are F***ING
> >talking to, you F***ING idiot?"
> >
> >"No!" replied the Managing Director indignantly "Oh thank God for
> >that!" replied the trainee and slammed the phone down
Quote:
Hi gents,

To start 2006;

A man goes to the zoo.

When he gets there, he find there was only one dog!

It was a shitzu.


Regards;
Etc etc
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Wise men write because they have something to write about; fools write because they have to write something. - Plato

yeh so Plastic Brilliance is now known as FOXYSTOAT - Come on by and check it out!
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Unread 1 Feb 2006, 12:25   #6
eJohn
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Re: Just got into work? Cant be arsed this morning?

ive read most of them before, but it doesnt take away the fact they're great
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Unread 1 Feb 2006, 12:41   #7
lokken
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Re: Just got into work? Cant be arsed this morning?

and if that's on the board, i'll give you the money meself
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Unread 1 Feb 2006, 19:37   #8
MrL_JaKiri
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Re: Just got into work? Cant be arsed this morning?

The person who wrote/compiled that list fairly obviously hasn't seen Family Fortunes.

Quote:
6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital

7) What is Hitler's first name? - Heil
What?
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