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13 Aug 2007, 20:10
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#1
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NE
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 828
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Sexual encounters
Well to be honest, this happened to me when i was 16 and my friends said it could only ever happen to me. So i thought id give it a go and see if anyone else has had an similar discomfort with the opposit sex.
The place: Tenerife, Hotel Bedroom
My friend (who is a near god with the opposit sex) has just randomly walked in with 2 girls on his arm. I had left the club early as my poor ability to talk to the opposit sex was gleaming as always. He then threw one onto my bed and said "Shes yours" naturally i went bright red but she climbed in anyway (classy.) We then start kissing and she starts to suck me off, which was a bonus as id never had a BJ before (Oh, also, im still a virgin at this point). Before long shes as moist as a tubb of vaseline.. she then gets on top..
Here it comes the moment im losing my virginity. I can almost feel me penetrating her when... Jon (my friend) walks in with a camera and shouts "BENS NOT A VIRGIN". i see this GIANT flash, get scared, i jump up.. headbutt the girl and break her nose. blood everywhere. its safe to say i didnt lose my virginity that holiday.
anyone similar? :/
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PEACE.
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13 Aug 2007, 20:27
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#2
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Asleep.
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Leeds.
Posts: 48
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Re: Sexual encounters
That's unlucky, but bloody funny lol
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13 Aug 2007, 20:28
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 247
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Re: Sexual encounters
Physically abusing women unconsensually during sex turns you on does it?! What kind of SICK SEXUAL DEVIANT are you???
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13 Aug 2007, 20:29
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 247
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Re: Sexual encounters
also: opposite
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13 Aug 2007, 21:37
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#5
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Sexual encounters
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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13 Aug 2007, 21:39
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#6
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Sexual encounters
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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13 Aug 2007, 23:40
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,094
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Re: Sexual encounters
Dace would pretty much win this contest.*
*I genuinely miss his stories
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13 Aug 2007, 23:53
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#8
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The PropaGhandi
Join Date: May 2001
Posts: 796
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Re: Sexual encounters
I heard there were supposed to be some blood when you popped the cherry.
__________________
Free imagehosting: Link
Free scans: #transcendancy
<Deffeh> I just told my parents im a homosexual, now they kicked me out
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14 Aug 2007, 17:51
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#9
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NE
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 828
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by horn
you sound like a MIRROR i know ahhaahah
can i ask you a question veil05? ok. when your friend (who you hate) gave you the girl and she started kissing you (so you assumed he'd checked she liked you instead of just picking some girl up and suggest she shag you only to have her reject you and make a statement that he was much better than you) did you have it running through your mind in tandem with the thoughts of what was inevitably going to go wrong that "actually john isn't such a bad guy.... he might take the piss out of me a lot and sometimes it might seem like he uses me as the butt of a joke in order to look big, but at the end of the day he still wants me to be happy and get with a girl", until it turned out he just wanted to document you failing yet again at life?
if so give me a pm and we can meet up for fun and share meds n stuff. cya.
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Omg, i hate jon.
asl?
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PEACE.
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15 Aug 2007, 05:34
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#10
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mmm.. pills
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,152
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Re: Sexual encounters
this thread gets my
on par with some of muslims antics
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CSS : the result of letting artists design something only an engineer should touch.
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15 Aug 2007, 14:37
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#11
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I ♡ ☠
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 834
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Re: Sexual encounters
On reading the headbutting part I managed to spit at my workplace screen through the intense urge to laugh. On the plus side though you can now legitimately use the sentence "The closest I've ever been to girl is when I accidentally headbutted one unconscious in Tenerife." You probably shouldn't hang around people like Jon - horn however comes highly recommended.
Funniest thread in a while.
[edit: I meant Jon, not yourself, you should probably hang around with yourself in retrospect]
Last edited by Hebdomad; 15 Aug 2007 at 15:49.
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21 Aug 2007, 07:58
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#12
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NE
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 828
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nantoz
I found that idiom quite telling. Do you also own a fleshlight?
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Fleshlight
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PEACE.
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21 Aug 2007, 12:07
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#13
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mz.
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,587
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Re: Sexual encounters
It's like an inverted dildo.
__________________
The outraged poets threw sticks and rocks over the side of the bridge. They were all missing Mary and he felt a contented smug feeling wash over him. He would have given them a coy little wave if the roof hadn't collapsed just then. Mary then found himself in the middle of an understandably shocked family's kitchen table. So he gave them the coy little wave and realized it probably would have been more effective if he hadn't been lying on their turkey.
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21 Aug 2007, 12:11
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#14
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Good Son
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Finland
Posts: 3,991
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Re: Sexual encounters
It's naughty though. I had one of those in my group's banner in one of these online space games, and even if I pretended it's a fabled interceptor, I nearly got banned for it. It wasn't even a fleshlight with a ...., it was a fleshlight with a mouth.
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21 Aug 2007, 12:14
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#15
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London
Posts: 3,347
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tietäjä
and even if I pretended it's a fabled interceptor, I nearly got banned for it.
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How disturbing.
__________________
The 20th century has been characterised by three developments of great political importance. The growth of democracy; the growth of corporate power; and the growth of corporate propaganda as a means of protecting corporate power against democracy.
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21 Aug 2007, 12:15
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#16
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Good Son
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Finland
Posts: 3,991
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Re: Sexual encounters
Well, to be honest, it does look more like a bad sci-fi movie spacecraft (with a mouth) than a sextoy.
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21 Aug 2007, 12:26
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#17
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NE
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 828
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mzyxptlk
It's like an inverted dildo.
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Wow, never heard of one. Im not really into kinky sex games. especially ones that involve me put something battery operated on my penis
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PEACE.
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21 Aug 2007, 12:28
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#18
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Good Son
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Finland
Posts: 3,991
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veil05
something battery operated on my penis
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Garbage disposers (or whatever you call those things Americans use to grind their trash) operate on wire electricity, right?
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21 Aug 2007, 13:16
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#19
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Registered Awesome Person
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,676
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veil05
Fleshlight
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Gooooooooooooooooooooogle.
try it
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Finally free!
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21 Aug 2007, 13:34
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#20
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Sexual encounters
It does disturb me, the amount furball knows about odd/fetish sexual activities
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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21 Aug 2007, 13:53
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#21
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NE
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 828
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by furball
Gooooooooooooooooooooogle.
try it
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Good thing i didnt, fs. Im at work.
I can just imagen my bosses face when he does a track to see what ive been searching for..
"Fleshlight.. hmm i wont what this is."
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PEACE.
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21 Aug 2007, 14:07
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#22
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Good Son
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Finland
Posts: 3,991
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veil05
"Fleshlight.. hmm i wont what this is."
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A flashlight with an anus/vagina/mouth. The other day, the guys at the office were wondering what the word for that rear-end-spreading sex-sort-of-sick thing was. I can only imagine the look on some geek's face as he checks the history and sees google searches for miscellanelous anal related activity.
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21 Aug 2007, 14:12
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#23
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Registered Awesome Person
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,676
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
It does disturb me, the amount furball knows about odd/fetish sexual activities
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Although I did know what one is, is it seriously that hard to google/wiki things you don't know?
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Finally free!
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21 Aug 2007, 16:23
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#24
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mz.
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,587
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veil05
Good thing i didnt, fs. Im at work.
I can just imagen my bosses face when he does a track to see what ive been searching for..
"Fleshlight.. hmm i wont what this is."
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Your boss checks your search history?
__________________
The outraged poets threw sticks and rocks over the side of the bridge. They were all missing Mary and he felt a contented smug feeling wash over him. He would have given them a coy little wave if the roof hadn't collapsed just then. Mary then found himself in the middle of an understandably shocked family's kitchen table. So he gave them the coy little wave and realized it probably would have been more effective if he hadn't been lying on their turkey.
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21 Aug 2007, 17:55
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#25
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NE
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 828
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mzyxptlk
Your boss checks your search history?
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I.T check our entire Internet browsing history. Where is the trust
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PEACE.
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21 Aug 2007, 21:39
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#26
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mz.
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,587
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Re: Sexual encounters
That's terrible if it's true.
__________________
The outraged poets threw sticks and rocks over the side of the bridge. They were all missing Mary and he felt a contented smug feeling wash over him. He would have given them a coy little wave if the roof hadn't collapsed just then. Mary then found himself in the middle of an understandably shocked family's kitchen table. So he gave them the coy little wave and realized it probably would have been more effective if he hadn't been lying on their turkey.
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21 Aug 2007, 22:40
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#27
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NE
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 828
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mzyxptlk
That's terrible if it's true.
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Long story with an ex-employee.
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PEACE.
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22 Aug 2007, 01:46
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#28
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Drink is Good
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,122
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Re: Sexual encounters
haha isnt that the truth, also they removed the cookie erasor also im pretty much going to rip you about this now everytime i see you
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Can we please have a moment of silence...........
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22 Aug 2007, 02:06
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#29
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mz.
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,587
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veil05
Long story with an ex-employee.
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Long stories is what GD is about, innit? Shoot!
__________________
The outraged poets threw sticks and rocks over the side of the bridge. They were all missing Mary and he felt a contented smug feeling wash over him. He would have given them a coy little wave if the roof hadn't collapsed just then. Mary then found himself in the middle of an understandably shocked family's kitchen table. So he gave them the coy little wave and realized it probably would have been more effective if he hadn't been lying on their turkey.
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22 Aug 2007, 09:33
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#30
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Hello Tietäjä
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Preston, UK
Posts: 290
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Re: Sexual encounters
i have a story for you....
was having sex missionary style with an ex and she was wrapping her legs around me very very tightly - it was starting to hurt as she was digging into my sides (which was also hurting my stomach) but it was a pleasure-pain thing so i... 'kept going'...
she has hypermobile syndrome (her joints 'pop-out' and crack loudly very often) and i heard this huge crack as her hip popped out or something, she put more pressure on my stomach and i threw up all over the floor (she's lucky i had time to turn my head). then we had to get to A&E and make sure she hadn't broken anything.
recap... sex - wrap - ache - pop - chuck - hospital
wasn't that much fun :-P
__________________
-Blue Moon- aka LordQuashi, Behert, BeherTux, BT, TuxedoMask, tuxed0
R1-2 [VanX] - R3 [Legion] - R4 [Legion/Shogun/FORT] - R5-6 [WP/Shogun/FORT] - R7-8 [VsN] - R9-R9.5 [Seraphim/VsN]- R10-12 [WP] R13 [1up/eXilition] R14 [Orbit/scanner] R15 [eXilition] R16 [Orbit/scanner] R17 [Subh/scanner] R18 [eXilition] R19 [F-Crew/scanner] R20 [Orbit/Destiny/scanner] R21-22 [Orbit/scanner] R23-25 [In-gal-def-ho]
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22 Aug 2007, 11:03
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#31
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mmm.. pills
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,152
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Re: Sexual encounters
That really doesn't compare to Tucker Max, now theres a man who knows how to botch up a sex attempt.
__________________
CSS : the result of letting artists design something only an engineer should touch.
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22 Aug 2007, 17:04
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#32
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break it down!
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 2,087
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Re: Sexual encounters
tucker max also knows how to make shit up
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I put the sex in dyslexia!
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23 Aug 2007, 00:15
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#33
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Insanity Prawn Boy!
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: In a bush where you can't find me
Posts: 2,474
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by _Kila_
tucker max also knows how to make shit up
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Says you.
None of us can say whether it happened or not, because none of us were there. Just like I can't say none of these stories people have posted here never happened.
__________________
They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We shall remember them.
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23 Aug 2007, 00:41
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#34
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mz.
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,587
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by _Kila_
tucker max also knows how to make shit up
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Literally!
Cue laughter.
__________________
The outraged poets threw sticks and rocks over the side of the bridge. They were all missing Mary and he felt a contented smug feeling wash over him. He would have given them a coy little wave if the roof hadn't collapsed just then. Mary then found himself in the middle of an understandably shocked family's kitchen table. So he gave them the coy little wave and realized it probably would have been more effective if he hadn't been lying on their turkey.
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23 Aug 2007, 07:34
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#35
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Good Son
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Finland
Posts: 3,991
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by djbass
Tucker Max
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I have some dire memories. It was a hell of a laugh, real or not. There's two I remember, one where he used too much lube on a rear end attempt which ended up with a lot of poo involved, then another one when he was at some hotel pooping all over the place, oh, yeah, and a third one, when he made skit marks on a white sofa while getting blown.
Is it that all his stories are somehow related to poo or do I just have an issue?
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23 Aug 2007, 19:24
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#36
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Bragpack™
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 815
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demon Dave
Says you.
None of us can say whether it happened or not, because none of us were there. Just like I can't say none of these stories people have posted here never happened.
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apart from kila's acne story!
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24 Aug 2007, 14:34
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#37
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mmm.. pills
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,152
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Re: Sexual encounters
Quote:
Originally Posted by _Kila_
tucker max also knows how to make shit up
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Most of that stuff is so insane it has to be real. If it is made up the man is a genius.. either way win/win.
__________________
CSS : the result of letting artists design something only an engineer should touch.
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26 Aug 2007, 22:25
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#38
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Bona Fide Jesus Freak
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: In the Word of the Lord
Posts: 765
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Re: Sexual encounters
My first time I was unable to ejaculate. After 45 minutes the girl said she was sore and wanted to quit and then went to sleep.
__________________
Matthew 24:9 (New International Version) "Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me."
Who the hell gave you posrep you christian fundamentalist?
god is bollox, mkay and you are not discussing it
You're not the voice of Christianity di**head.
CT R22-20, [1up] R18-16, TGV R15,
The Illuminati - [NoS] - R14-13
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26 Aug 2007, 23:00
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#39
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mz.
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,587
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Re: Sexual encounters
Hah, she should've been happy you kept it up for so long.
__________________
The outraged poets threw sticks and rocks over the side of the bridge. They were all missing Mary and he felt a contented smug feeling wash over him. He would have given them a coy little wave if the roof hadn't collapsed just then. Mary then found himself in the middle of an understandably shocked family's kitchen table. So he gave them the coy little wave and realized it probably would have been more effective if he hadn't been lying on their turkey.
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