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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 20:10   #1
SilverSmoke
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This girl and me, doomed already?

I guess you all remember my little ' adventure' towards getting hooked up with this girl. Since a week things seem to get more complicated or maybe I could even call it , showing some miscompatibilities between the two involved parties. Me, a 28 (almost 29) year old guy and She, a 20 year old schoolgirl.

For about the last week I noticed she became a bit more distant towards me, less intimate. You know, the little things, less ' cute' phone conversations, a drop of in the rate of romantic bullshit by sms/msn. However, when we are seeing eachother everything seems fine, we see eachother about two times a week. So I decided to talk to her about it. Let me get this straight, I know such things wear off after a while but we are just seeing eachother for like four/five weeks so I thought it would be a good idea to just keep things straight and direct and start about it.

I just had a conversation with her (yes over msn, so what), talking about what time we meet tomorrow as we're going to go to the Efteling (Dutch themepark, pretty well known all over europe) so in the meanwhile I brought this, for me mindboggling, subject up.

What I really apreciate about this girl is her honesty. While we spoke about it she told me that sometimes she gets tired of me thinking/worrying too much about too many things/details. I realise this girl is only just 20, and in totally a different stage of life then I am, which we both agreed on. She told me that she wants to remain her own life and our relationship seperated for the moment, something I completely agree with myself as well. It's not like I want to live with her and get babies or something. To me, generally speaking, the way we do now is perfect. Except for her sudden distance (when not being together) that occured since a week or so. Concluded I can say that she doesn't want to get too serious too quickly which I don't fully understand as it was her who told me literary that she's fed up of being my date and wants to be my girlfriend.

Anyways, she still is very happy to go to that themepark with me but I don't know, suddenly things don't look so bright anymore and I rather cut everything before things get really shit, or am I over-reacting? I am just being too sensitive and should I go with the flow? I rather not lose her but I really don't feel like fighing for something that went not too perfect already (based on my own feelings)in the bloody fourth week of this little story. For now, the option that feels best is just cut the crap tomorrow and go on with the entertaining life i had as a single before shit only gets worser. But also I don't really want to lose her if she really feels the way about me like she act when we meet.

What would you do? Am I overreacting? Should I jump ship?

Well, I know what I am going to do, I will have a fun day tomorrow with her probably and decide in the meanwhile what I do, might be the last time we meet, or I might come to the conclusion that females are unpredictable creatures and decide to go on with her and see where things will end. Was wondering if any of you guys recognise this shit, or has at least something worthwhile to say about it. It's pretty good possible that she's just being polite and is slowly concluding that I am a twat (lol one-liner quote material right here!).

Still, I have the feeling things like this really shouldn't occur in this early stage of a 'relationship'.
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 20:12   #2
Ste
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Stop reading so much into it.

If it's still fun and you're happy stop complaining.
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 20:14   #3
Leshy
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

At the very least don't break up before you go through the Sprookjesbos hand in hand (<3).

I would actually repay her honesty with the same honesty. Make it clear to her that you are perfectly happy to go along with her idea of not getting too serious yet - unless of course you do. Just tell her that you feel she's slowly starting to be distant, and that you were liking it better when you first got to know her.

There's no reason to head for a direct breaking up, but there's nothing wrong with letting her know how you feel about things.
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 20:19   #4
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
She told me that she wants to remain her own life and our relationship seperated for the moment, something I completely agree with myself as well.
Sounds to me like someone isn't being completely honest about how they feel.
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 20:24   #5
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Its dead. You Killed it. YOU KILLED IT WITH YOUR RP'ING WAYS!

Start hitting on Velma lookalikes in warm jumpers with milk bottle glasses. Its "your Level"
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 20:30   #6
SilverSmoke
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead_Meat
Sounds to me like someone isn't being completely honest about how they feel.
Well, maybe you are correct about that in some way. Again I say, it's not like that I want to spend a lot more time with her, it's just the way how she acts towards me since a week when we are not seeing eachother (thus by phone/msn). Like if she suddenly clearly wants to draw a line because she realises that things are getting too serious too fast. She actually explained it this way, which is fine to me, but my worrying point is, that it already feels like a prelude towards failure.

You know, in my previous relationships, my girlfriends where all over me at this early phase, they couldn't quit bothering me day in night out (and vica-versa), this is a rather new experience to me.
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 20:31   #7
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

All relationships start to lose their spark after 4-5 weeks.

Welcome to the next stage of the relationship (one of the hardest)

Good luck!
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 20:36   #8
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

dump her in the first "papier hier" bin you see.
goodluck!
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 20:39   #9
Leshy
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KoeN
dump her in the first "papier hier" bin you see.
goodluck!
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Holle Bolle Gijs got to her."
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 20:52   #10
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Sounds like you are overthinking it. From what you said before, you're used to needy bitches. They're a pain, but it's kind of comforting because you're not in any doubt to how things are. Having someone who is a healthy human being and can stand independently can be a bit scary. Don't give into the fear, just enjoy it for what it is. Of course, if you do find you want different things then end things sooner rather than later.
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 21:42   #11
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

This is fun.

Will you also post it when you totally emo on us when she brakes up as the gap between the two of you cannot be filled with love alone?
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 21:50   #12
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
This is fun.

Will you also post it when you totally emo on us when she brakes up as the gap between the two of you cannot be filled with love alone?
Spoken like a man who thinks Hockey is a proper sport.
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 21:53   #13
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

you hit me from 5 meters with a football as hard as you can on my head, i'll do the same with a hockeyball.
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 21:58   #14
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zar
All relationships start to lose their spark after 4-5 weeks.
that's untrue. silver, you're reading too much into things, just relax and enjoy it
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 22:10   #15
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
or I might come to the conclusion that females are unpredictable creatures and decide to go on with her and see where things will end. Was wondering if any of you guys recognise this shit, or has at least something worthwhile to say about it.
Females are unpredictable. They live in a different world than us guys. A world where shopping for hours can be cool, or buying american western boots of e-bay and so on. Sadly their language seems kinda ****ed up. When we say "Im not very happy about things" it means that we are not okey. When they say "fine", it doesnt mean that they are fine. Your definitly in the shit, and I think you should follow Leshy's advice. She might have 2nd thoughts about you, the world or the relationship. The only thing you can do is show the best of yourself, and dont be pushy.

If she brakes up, delete her on msn, delete her phonenumber on your cellphone and keep on living.

P.S Yes, Im cynical and a bit fed up with girls, thats why I havent activily dated for two years. Take that into consideration when reading the above
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 22:25   #16
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Wtf are you worrying about? She still wants to see you. She doesn't want to jump into some deep and meaningful relationship after a few weeks. She is just getting to know you. Stop worrying and start enjoying ffs.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zar
All relationships start to lose their spark after 4-5 weeks.

Welcome to the next stage of the relationship (one of the hardest)

Good luck!
My relationship hasn't lost its 'spark' after a year and a half. Perhaps the spark has mutated/evolved somewhat, if that makes any sense.

Which stage are you talking about?!
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Unread 29 Dec 2004, 22:42   #17
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

I am with the "stop reading so much into it you big faggot" crowd. Yeah though, maybe it just is a personality clash. Try and eliminate the little things she doesn't like, and if eliminating them is too much hassle she's not worth it. Good luck though, you seemed to really like this girl from my internet forums third-party perspective on the issue!
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 01:10   #18
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

I really don't think my 'advice' is post-worthy.
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 01:53   #19
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarina_Joy
My relationship hasn't lost its 'spark' after a year and a half. Perhaps the spark has mutated/evolved somewhat, if that makes any sense.

Which stage are you talking about?!
By spark i mean the feeling of a brand new relationship. It's hard to explain, but its the feeling you get when you first start going out with someone. Everything is new, everything is something to be explored, you still don't know your partner that well and everything new that you start to find out is special.

After the spark stage occurs, your relationship develops into something slightly more serious. You start to actually understand (instead of explore) your partner, and this is usually the stage when you decide whether you want a level of commitment or not(hence the reason why many relationships end after the 1 month mark). It doesn't mean that the relationship is in any way worse, it just means that it has developed from a sparky brand-new feel, to something else.
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 03:33   #20
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
you hit me from 5 meters with a football as hard as you can on my head, i'll do the same with a hockeyball.

I notice you avoided mentioning the fat amounts of body armour you chicks use?
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 03:35   #21
I am Idler
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

a word of advice: the moment you start imagining that she doesnt feel so strongly for you, and you are clever enough to start whine about it to her, then you are digging your own grave.

in other words: If you dont stop bringing up this emo-whining instantly, things will go bad.

wait another 6 months
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 03:38   #22
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by I am Idler
I notice you avoided mentioning the fat amounts of body armour you chicks use?
errr... that would be ice hockey you're thinking about. since he said hockeyBALL and not PUCK i'm assuming he means grass hockey, which, as far as i'm aware, doesn't involve all that much armour
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 04:57   #23
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Demon Dave
errr... that would be ice hockey you're thinking about. since he said hockeyBALL and not PUCK i'm assuming he means grass hockey, which, as far as i'm aware, doesn't involve all that much armour
if I am mistaken, Im pretty sure the football will hurt the most
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 05:01   #24
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by I am Idler
if I am mistaken, Im pretty sure the football will hurt the most
hockey ball with hurt a **** load more
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 05:16   #25
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zar
hockey ball with hurt a **** load more

Theamion is a really skinny fellow so I'd doubt he can shoot THAT hard
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 09:34   #26
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

a hockey stick provides a nice amount of leverage = mucho power

a football is a big ball, greater surface area. a hockey ball is small and solid, less surface area.

a hockey ball will hurt more.*

and to silversmoke, stick with it, go with the flow.










*plus he can hit him with the stick afterwards if he doesntr go down.
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 10:13   #27
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Oh and charles, to answer your original question, yes.
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 21:06   #28
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

I quite like silversmoke except for the fact he's a bit too-SA.
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 21:23   #29
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Some of the comments he comes out with which I'm reliably informed are SA-derived.
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 21:29   #30
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Weeks
Radical Edward
for what possible reason?
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 21:32   #31
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phang
for what possible reason?
I think he was trolling in a particular thread which weeks took offence to. God knows if everyone ignored me just for trolling in one thread nobody would ever read my posts.
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 21:34   #32
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
I think he was trolling in a particular thread which weeks took offence to. God knows if everyone ignored me just for trolling in one thread nobody would ever read my posts.
And suddenly, it dawns on Jonny
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 22:27   #33
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Well, I think I'll just go with the idea that females are horribly unpredictable creatures and have to say I had a great time today with her. Yes, I am reading too much into things, we talked about it a bit in a lightly matter and it's simple, she's young, she likes me and she doesn't want to rush into things. I need to stop being a whiny prick and just go with the flow, which is exactly what I am going to do for now.

edit:
Some weeks ago we made a bit of fun about going on holliday together in April. Today she brought that up in a quite serious way and asked me if we couldn't go earlier, for example at the start of march. So yeah.. I just need to shut the **** up with my emo insecure bullshit and enjoy things as they come.
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 22:39   #34
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Give up. Humanity, especially the other chromosomal component thereof, is worth no further interaction than is absolutely necessary. Just learn to live with yourself and have no obligations to anyone besides yourself and your family.
I once read that somewhere and it has become my mantra. It has helped me a lot so far.
Oh god I'm so bitter.
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Unread 30 Dec 2004, 23:49   #35
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
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And suddenly, it dawns on Jonny
Maybe you and the other Reds don't feel like you need to read my posts but in the free world we like to consider other people's points of view based on the merits of their arguments and not on the strength of their support for the all-encompassing state and associated marxist components.
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Unread 31 Dec 2004, 00:06   #36
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

You're old(er) than most, you should be able to figure it out yourself.

But what Zar says is right, relationship goes through a transitional stage. Its good and bad.

I still hate women and love my girlfriend though


Oh, and when do people stop becoming boyfriend/girlfirends and become partners, or do you go from boyfriend/girlfriend to husband/wife. Partners make it seem like people are gay. Gay
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Unread 31 Dec 2004, 01:15   #37
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

No offence, but I blame you for having faith in relationships.
How many times do I have to tell people - they only ever end in pain, and given the nature of pain, however good they are, however much fun you have, however good the sex is, the pain is always worse so save time and don't bother getting involved.
Don't make me say I told you so.
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Unread 31 Dec 2004, 01:17   #38
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stew
No offence, but I blame you for having faith in relationships.
How many times do I have to tell people - they only ever end in pain, and given the nature of pain, however good they are, however much fun you have, however good the sex is, the pain is always worse so save time and don't bother getting involved.
Don't make me say I told you so.
so your conclusion is that you suck with the ladies so we should do away with procreation?
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Unread 31 Dec 2004, 01:25   #39
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phang
so your conclusion is that you suck with the ladies so we should do away with procreation?
Nah, just that I currently have a phobia of relationships.
As to doing away with procreation - you can create babies by non relationship sex you know.
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Unread 31 Dec 2004, 01:42   #40
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stew
Nah, just that I currently have a phobia of relationships.
As to doing away with procreation - you can create babies by non relationship sex you know.
the pope owns a hunting rifle for people like you.
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Unread 31 Dec 2004, 01:51   #41
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phang
the pope owns a hunting rifle for people like you.
I can't help the way I think
Everyone keeps telling me it's a phase, although they said that ages ago, expecting me to be out of said phase by now.
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Unread 31 Dec 2004, 02:34   #42
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phang
the pope owns a hunting rifle for people like you.
i'm sure he's got one for people like you aswell
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Unread 31 Dec 2004, 02:53   #43
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Wow! Im on somebody's ignore list!

My advice, if you bother reading it, is to go along with this relationship. People are normally afraid or uncertain of what is different. Get used to it and you might even enjoy it.

Hehe. For a moment I thought she would pop in with her 'other date' at the themepark.
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Unread 31 Dec 2004, 15:14   #44
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyBGood
Maybe you and the other Reds don't feel like you need to read my posts but in the free world we like to consider other people's points of view based on the merits of their arguments and not on the strength of their support for the all-encompassing state and associated marxist components.
And how increadibly sad that your arguments are mostly utter rubbish.
Now go live in your naive litle dreamworld johnny.
(a happy new year to you too)
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Unread 31 Dec 2004, 15:16   #45
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Laughing Out Loud On Ritalin Super-pro




LOLORS!
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Unread 31 Dec 2004, 15:44   #46
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Re: This girl and me, doomed already?

Ive taken this approach and will continue to do so from now on :


Whatever will be will be. Stop trying to affect things because tbh if a relationship is doomed its doomed and theres jackshit you can do about it.
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