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22 Jan 2006, 23:22
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#1
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Drink is Good
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,122
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Tesco clubcard points
So after reading pig's thread about that french chiquette, i decided to try my best to go one step further with the cheesyness, be reminded i tried several cheesy lines to no success. Here is my humble tale:
Walking into the petrol station to pay for the diesel i just put in the car, i see this rather hot checkout girl, its a rather large queue because the petrol station lowered its diesel to 89.9p so here i am thinking what i can say to this girl here goes:
<checkout bird> that'll be £40 please
<me> *handing over th money*
at this point i totally gave up trying the cheesy line as there was about 30 odd people around and i couldnt be arsed making a cock out of myself she then asks:
<checkout bird> do you have a tesco club card?
<me> no i dont
<checkout bird> would you like one?
then a moment of genious struck me:
<me> what can i get with it
<checkout bird> anything you want really
<me> so i could get your number with it?
<checkout bird> *laughs*
now she literally laughed in my face and i felt an utter cock, cos her collegues were also smirking and i could hear people behind me s******ing away, so here i am turning red like a ****ing tomato:
<me> can i get a receipt please?
yes im trying to get out of there as fast as possible with my head down. So im waiting for the recipt which felt as though it was taking forever, she put the receipt on the counter, and started writing her number down on the back, so i was like 'oh yes score', my face pirked up and i was just looking round with the muggest look on my face thinking 'oh yes who's laughing now bitches' I also took satisfaction from seeing her work collegues jaw drop as she wrote her number, he obviously was to gay to get it (hah that could be read as he was to gay to get it up)
So ill give her a ring later and arrange somethin, it is rather wierd that these cheesy lines actually work, and i for one am gonna try them more
but all in all cheers pig, i had to out do you and i did, now over to you gd'ers to out do me, i expect decent results
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Can we please have a moment of silence...........
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22 Jan 2006, 23:25
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#2
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Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
nice one.
We do need pics though.
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22 Jan 2006, 23:26
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#3
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Having the balls to say such a thing, 25 litres of diesel £20
Being stupid enough to ask what a clubcard is, Being in the English HE system £1150 pa
Getting a hot girls number and making twats around you jaw drop, priceless
im impressed, i was pissed when I did mine and you did yours in broad daylight infron of people, seriously dude wow!
im going to tescos soon in the hope i can use the same line ;p
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pig
[ 1u p]
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22 Jan 2006, 23:32
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#4
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Lord Denning
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: City of London
Posts: 2,548
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alki
be reminded i tried several cheesy lines to no success.
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Much as I enjoyed your success story and congratulate you on your derring-do, I'm sure I can't be the only one who wants to hear more concerning the (presumably entertaining) failures that preceded it.
__________________
Please bear in mind when reading the above post that I am always right.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson
He was crowned in York Cathedral as 'Expert in the West' by Pope Urban III in 1186.
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22 Jan 2006, 23:45
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#5
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PA Team
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 7,449
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Also, is it actually her number?>
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r8-10 RaH r10.5-12 MISTU
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22 Jan 2006, 23:48
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#6
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Registered Awesome Person
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,676
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Alki, you've replaced pig as my hero
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Finally free!
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22 Jan 2006, 23:58
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#7
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Born Sinful
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Loughborough, UK
Posts: 4,059
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
I bet you any money it goes to Scott Mill's "Fliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirt Divert!" answerphone.
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Worth dying for. Worth killing for. Worth going to hell for. Amen.
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23 Jan 2006, 00:00
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#8
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Born Sinful
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Loughborough, UK
Posts: 4,059
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
[edit]
Damn you appoc, now this message looks really random
[/edit]
Scott Mills is the Drivetime (evening) DJ on Radio 1.
Flirt Divert is a "comedy" bit of the show where they play back the strangest messages left to them on the Flirt Divert answerphone.
On that subject, who wants to leave some fake messages?
07774 598 750
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Worth dying for. Worth killing for. Worth going to hell for. Amen.
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23 Jan 2006, 00:01
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#9
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
I love flirt divert, cracks me up ;p
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pig
[ 1u p]
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23 Jan 2006, 00:01
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#10
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PA Team
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 7,449
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
haha i realised and deleted the post
I was thinking it was the american service where you can rent answerphones in specific places with preset messages to dump people
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r8-10 RaH r10.5-12 MISTU
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23 Jan 2006, 00:01
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#11
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Drink is Good
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,122
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by meglamaniac
I bet you any money it goes to Scott Mill's "Fliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirt Divert!" answerphone.
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haha, no its not, because i also have that number in my phone, and it didnt appear when i went to save it, so i passed the first test also think ill leave it till tomorrow to ring her<3
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Can we please have a moment of silence...........
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23 Jan 2006, 00:04
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#12
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Godfather
Join Date: May 2000
Location: England
Posts: 5,185
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
pld dude
i wish i could think of such witty things to say quickly and although it was 'oh my good god did you actually just say that?' kind of line it worked \o/
we need a covert pic so when you meet up with her be sure to take your mobile phone and snap one as she returns from the toilet or something and say you were trying to text
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Forum Administrator
Mail : [email protected] // IRC : #forums
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It's not personal, it's just business.
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23 Jan 2006, 00:06
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#13
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Flash in the PAN
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Birmingham, Romania
Posts: 554
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
That is a quality story !
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23 Jan 2006, 00:08
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#14
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Drink is Good
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,122
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
yeah, just ordered my new camera v3x phone(yes i had to slip it in somewhere), so hopefully ill get that before i arrange to meet her
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Can we please have a moment of silence...........
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23 Jan 2006, 00:11
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#15
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:cool:
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Here, there and everywhere
Posts: 791
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
What are you gonna say when you ring her?
"Hi, I'm the guy you gave your number to in the Tesco's Garage?"
If that happened to me, which it never would, I would definitely text her instead of ring her I reckon!
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Danger gleams like sunshine to a brave man's eyes.
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23 Jan 2006, 00:18
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#16
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Drink is Good
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,122
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
shall i just ring and say, danger danger john sortage
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Can we please have a moment of silence...........
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23 Jan 2006, 00:24
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#17
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
haha the legend that is john sortage
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pig
[ 1u p]
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23 Jan 2006, 00:36
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#18
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,174
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
I'm disappointed with this thread.
You call 89.9 cheap?
__________________
If one person is in delusion, they're called insane.
If many people are in delusion, it's called a religion.
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23 Jan 2006, 13:17
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#19
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Pld Alki.
You have definitely replaced pig as "Hero".
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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23 Jan 2006, 13:41
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#20
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Eh, isn't it rather common, almost obligatory behaviour to chat up the girls at the counter of the supermarket, dvd-rental and the barmaids of the pubs you visit?
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Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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23 Jan 2006, 13:43
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#21
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Drink is Good
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,122
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by sniborp
I'm disappointed with this thread.
You call 89.9 cheap?
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yeah since its usually 92.9 where i live, so its 3p the cheaper to go in the pocket!
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Can we please have a moment of silence...........
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23 Jan 2006, 13:43
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#22
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
Eh, isn't it rather common, almost obligatory behaviour to chat up the girls at the counter of the supermarket, dvd-rental and the barmaids of the pubs you visit?
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Not unless you're gay and in love with hockey.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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23 Jan 2006, 13:44
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#23
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Drink is Good
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,122
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
Eh, isn't it rather common, almost obligatory behaviour to chat up the girls at the counter of the supermarket, dvd-rental and the barmaids of the pubs you visit?
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yeah but not with the cheesemeister lines
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Can we please have a moment of silence...........
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23 Jan 2006, 14:40
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#24
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
Eh, isn't it rather common, almost obligatory behaviour to chat up the girls at the counter of the supermarket, dvd-rental and the barmaids of the pubs you visit?
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The people who work in the supermarkets near me are invariably ugly, old, mentally ill, fat or "ethnically unsuitable". Or some amalgamation of all those characteristics.
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23 Jan 2006, 17:25
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#25
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PA Team
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 7,449
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
Eh, isn't it rather common, almost obligatory behaviour to chat up the girls at the counter of the supermarket, dvd-rental and the barmaids of the pubs you visit?
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as a follow up comment, these girls are usually hit on the most and so hardest to get a number from. In Joey terms, if the barmaid is a 6 generally, she's at least an 8 when she's working behind the bar all night.
Alki deserves congratulations!
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r8-10 RaH r10.5-12 MISTU
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23 Jan 2006, 19:15
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#26
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Well done Alki - that's fantastic.
Breaking the ice and making that first move is the hardest part - hopefully it's all downhill from here. Good luck
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"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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23 Jan 2006, 19:33
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#27
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WANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAW
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Éire
Posts: 2,738
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante Hicks
The people who work in the supermarkets near me are invariably ugly, old, mentally ill, fat or "ethnically unsuitable". Or some amalgamation of all those characteristics.
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What kind of supermarkets do you shop in?
I've found cashiers and checkout people are invariably younger girls/women who can be quite hot at times.
When in college I worked in a supermarket and the checkout girls were the objects of our affections. The manager clearly had a specific hiring policy. Fit and thin, get the hell in. Fat and ugly, piss off pugsly.
P.S. great line that one. Well done!
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I came, I saw, I shouldn't mix pleasure with carpentry.
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23 Jan 2006, 20:34
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#28
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PA Team
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 7,449
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by IncubusGod
What kind of supermarkets do you shop in?
I've found cashiers and checkout people are invariably younger girls/women who can be quite hot at times.
When in college I worked in a supermarket and the checkout girls were the objects of our affections. The manager clearly had a specific hiring policy. Fit and thin, get the hell in. Fat and ugly, piss off pugsly.
P.S. great line that one. Well done!
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Never seen that. A lot of the shop assistants in any of the places I go don't appear to be at the er ... top end of society. Most people at the till seem to be middle aged women.
Maybe you were at a uni were there were hot girls and they all decided to work sparetime at the supermarket at the checkout.
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r8-10 RaH r10.5-12 MISTU
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23 Jan 2006, 20:55
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#29
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WANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAW
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Éire
Posts: 2,738
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by Appocomaster
Never seen that. A lot of the shop assistants in any of the places I go don't appear to be at the er ... top end of society. Most people at the till seem to be middle aged women.
Maybe you were at a uni were there were hot girls and they all decided to work sparetime at the supermarket at the checkout.
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Could be that I guess. Nowadays there's a large amount that are eastern european girls. And you know that gene pool has a good hottie %.
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I came, I saw, I shouldn't mix pleasure with carpentry.
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23 Jan 2006, 20:59
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#30
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by IncubusGod
What kind of supermarkets do you shop in?
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Shit ones designed for poor people to buy "special offers" of heart attack inducing frozen crap in (Iceland, etc).
Although the local Somerfield seems to have a specific policy of employing the deformed and psychologically disturbed, presumably as some sort of Southwark Council sponsored iniative to get them back into the workforce.
There are plenty of (fit) Eastern European girls in London (rock clubs have a fair few on a Friday/Saturday night) but none of them choose to work in the supermarkets of the Walworth Road.
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24 Jan 2006, 14:45
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#31
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante Hicks
There are plenty of (fit) Eastern European girls in London ....... but none of them choose to work in the supermarkets of the Walworth Road.
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They'd probably be mistaken for prostitutes.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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27 Jan 2006, 15:19
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#32
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Drink is Good
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,122
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Just thought id say it turned out she gave me her real number Just been for lunch and the cinema with her as she had to work this afternoon, it was pretty nice. Being the awesome guy i am, i let her pick the movie, she ended up picking jarheads, which was ok'ish but not really a movie you wanna see on a date, picking the right mvie is essential i should of told her but who's complaignin, we had fun, just had general banter. We were also in the whole cinema by ourselves, its a shame she wasnt as slutty as i had hoped But we arranged to hook up again on monday, she wanted to go out tomorrow but i said i was going to see the strokes with my 'friends' , if i told her it was a girl i dont think she would of been too please:S pff women.
all in all lets hope for some action on monday
oh any suggestions for things we could? although she will probably pick the place again:\
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Can we please have a moment of silence...........
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27 Jan 2006, 16:36
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#33
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,476
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
It irritates me having to take my earphones out to answer questions about clubcards and the like, let alone actually engaging in proper conversation
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27 Jan 2006, 16:43
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#34
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alki
oh any suggestions for things we could? although she will probably pick the place again:\
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Pick out matching burial plots in the graveyard.
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Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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27 Jan 2006, 16:55
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#35
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nomen est omen
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Bristol, UK
Posts: 1,095
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by IncubusGod
What kind of supermarkets do you shop in?
I've found cashiers and checkout people are invariably younger girls/women who can be quite hot at times.
When in college I worked in a supermarket and the checkout girls were the objects of our affections. The manager clearly had a specific hiring policy. Fit and thin, get the hell in. Fat and ugly, piss off pugsly.
P.S. great line that one. Well done!
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On a similar theme; it`s a well known fact amongst pub Landlords, if you want to sell more beer, just get a pair of tits behind the bar. Works for me.
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Me=Hans_Blix
Views expressed are those of the author and not of any company or organisation I am associated with. Electronic communication can be forged and the integrity of this message is not guaranteed.
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27 Jan 2006, 17:01
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#36
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I am.
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 6,580
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Re: Tesco clubcard points
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nodrog
It irritates me having to take my earphones out to answer questions about clubcards and the like, let alone actually engaging in proper conversation
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no one ever accused you of being Mr Social Skills
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hi
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