Planetarion Forums

Deffeh · 28 Oct 2003, 13:14

Joke title, mock content, but stiil..

The 14 proles sharing a kitchen in the halls had revolted against the cruel parental overlords. At first, all kept our own plates in our own rooms in a complete state of anarchy - then, when realising what a hassle it was, all shoved them all in the kitchen. People tried to use their own plates but it was 100% accepted if they couldnt. Kitchennism, a complete sharing of resources and materials was born, and all rejoiced.

It also allowed resources to be shared, ie, tin openers, collanders, things not everyone had brought or bought.

The first couple of weeks of Kitchennism were great. Nobody did their dishes at the end of a meal, but stacked them up at the sink, and a different person every night or every two days would do them in a 45 minute shift. It was convenient, and these were the best times.

However
problems arose comrade.

It became apparent that a couple of people had never washed their dishes. There was also a 3 day period where no dishes were done - temporarily resolved by the "treaty of kebab", in which 3 brave members gave themselves up for the sickle and the soup spoon and wasted 2 hours of their time.

Defectors emerged. People opted out of the red system, and cleaned their plates after their meals - yet left them in the kitchen still. Scandals hit the newspapers : "You didnt clean that plate!", screamed the Daily disgrace. Naturally taking the opposite view, the Red Star called for regime change, following up such scandals as "You ate off my plate" and "Hey, thats my fork!". A couple of more people started cleaning up after themselves, and two extremists removed their plates to the privacy of their rooms.

So much was the turbulence, that no one knew anymore who was a member of the Kitchenism party. The leadership was divided, until Comrade Deffski decided to take control by stealing his rivals kitchen keys.

Swift measures and sanctions were taken against the defectors. Tolerance was unheard of, and he ruled with an Iron grip of the communal tomato sauce. Rations went from one squirt, to one dab, to none without express permission of the Politburo. Whilst even his own people were starving, Deffski took control of the press, and plastered the papers with his own brand of propaganda. "Comrade elise has returned joyfully to the collective" was a headline for 2 weeks.

However, all was not well with Kitchennism. Capitalist scumbags began to profit unnaturally, renting out their fridge space for profit. Deffski's failure to commodere the revenue from this trade was inevitably his downfall.

Leading from the front, Deffski did 2 hours of dishes, alone, every wednesday, and encourage his remaining few followers to pick a day and stick to it. By now however, everyone either was, or was claiming to, wash their own dishes either in their room, or in the kitchen itself. This was despite the fact there was a constant overflow of dirt. The Five Day plan, designed to make sure the remainder of the party were actually doing something, was a complete failure. In week five, the dishes were done thrice. By week six, the economy was stuttering, and the dishes were only cleaned twice. Week Seven signalled the end of Kitchennism. Desperately trying to appeal to some sort of communal state, Deffski resigned as leader, and Kitchennism was disbanded for a Socialkitch form of government, whereby essentials were left in the kitchen, and each individual had a right to their own mess.

This governing body did not last long. In a last show of defiance, Deffeh did a 2 and a half hour shift on week seven's wednesday. The dishes were not done again. The allied forces were beginning to be concerned about the welfare of the citizens, and leaflets were dropped proclaiming a better life was to be had within a capatalist system. "Clean your kitchen or your out the halls you manky ****s". In terror, and disarray, and pretty much apathy, no one did anything. Deffski had no choice but to flee to Mexico, where he was assasinated by a Breadknife wielding maniac. By the next monday, an ultimatum was issued by the Allied forces of the Porters and the Cleaners - if the dishes arent done, theres trouble. An interim capatalist government removed the dishes to the hallway with promises of compliance.

Tuesday, October 28th, 10.34am, the allied forces marched in. They expressed disgust, horror, and shame at the state of the kitchen. The dishes were unwashed, but were redistributed to the individual properties of the state. Some had a lot, some had hardly any. All were isolated and inconvenienced, and hungry. A Lack of cooperation forced many to clean their dishes in their property sinks with handwash rather than washing up liquid. By 11.45am a conservative government was elected.

All is well.

Dante Hicks · 28 Oct 2003, 13:38

[I-have-no-sense-of-humour]Posessions aren't property dude[/I-have-no-sense-of-humour]

Deffeh · 28 Oct 2003, 13:39

that doesnt change the fact that your system doesnt work, red

pablissimo · 28 Oct 2003, 13:39

I laughed.

And feel for you. I've started just doing my own fecking dishes and leaving the others to fight it out to the death when the sink gets full.

Dante Hicks · 28 Oct 2003, 13:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deffeh

that doesnt change the fact that your system doesnt work, red

What system? People not doing their dishes?

p.s. write more tirards against the blacks, I laughed out loud at that.

Nusselt · 28 Oct 2003, 13:43

use disposable stuff

consumerism appears to work for the chinese and americans commrade Deffski

Deffeh · 28 Oct 2003, 13:43

it wasnt anti black people, it was anti black culture.

NEWSBOT3 · 28 Oct 2003, 13:54

i have 1 plate, 1 fork , 1 knife etc.

this solves any and all washing issues completely.

Deepflow · 28 Oct 2003, 14:45

something pretty similar has happened here, but not as er... regimented.

im just washing my own stuff and keeping it high up, it seems to work... also I wrote a little poster saying "keep your hands off of my stuff mother****kkeeers" <---- it was on a darkness poster, geddit?

anyway, the problems now arise, for me at least, when i actually CANT wash up because the sinks are full, and my room is about 20 seconds away from the kitchen, which is inconvenient

As i like just idling in the kitchen all day... "chatting shit and sitting at the wall table".

anyway, its all very cool... next year it will be easier.

2 sinks isnt enough for 17 people

Deffeh · 28 Oct 2003, 14:57

1 sink, 14 people

Deepflow · 28 Oct 2003, 14:59

oh deary me... there was me thinking i was hard done by...

i assume its a normal sized sink?

by the way... what do you mean by a conservative government being elected? Do you not have control over your own kitchen any more? or has it just gone back to the start.

SbOlly · 28 Oct 2003, 15:40

On the subject of dishes, T&F whom I and Dante live with is a complete and utter dish washing nazi.

He's one of those "I never use the kitchen, so I shouldn't have to ever clean it. But last time I went in there to cook myself a meal, there was no clean plates. So I think you should tidy it all up, as I clearly never made the mess as I don't even set foot in there".

And he's a dirty hippy commie to boot.

Deffeh · 28 Oct 2003, 16:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deepflow

by the way... what do you mean by a conservative government being elected? Do you not have control over your own kitchen any more? or has it just gone back to the start.

I mean everything is really shit, nothing is ever going to change, and the only alternative is a disorganised mess.

NEWSBOT3 · 28 Oct 2003, 16:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deffeh

I mean everything is really shit, nothing is ever going to change, and the only alternative is a disorganised mess.

sounds like this planet to me..

W · 28 Oct 2003, 16:40

I gave up on proper dishes a long time ago. I now use paper plates, I have one fork, one deep teflon pan, one cup and one plastic turner.

MrL_JaKiri · 28 Oct 2003, 16:48

I prefered the onion's take on this.

Nusselt · 28 Oct 2003, 18:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by SbOlly

On the subject of dishes, T&F whom I and Dante live with is a complete and utter dish washing nazi.

He's one of those "I never use the kitchen, so I shouldn't have to ever clean it. But last time I went in there to cook myself a meal, there was no clean plates. So I think you should tidy it all up, as I clearly never made the mess as I don't even set foot in there".

And he's a dirty hippy commie to boot.

I couldnt agree with him more i have the same fothermucking problem, i use disposable stuff, ie i go out and buy with my own money paper plates and plastic cutlery (not that expensive when you've got a tax registered friend who has a cash and carry account and you can by in bulk

) i normally use microwave food as well, hence i shouldnt be put on the goddamed cleaning rota (in the kitchen anyway) i clean the microwave when it needs cleaning but apart from that i dont leave any mess as i throw everything away, just because my workshy flatmates cant be arsed to clean their own filth doesnt mean i have to.

SPQR · 28 Oct 2003, 18:43

Get a decent dish washing machine fs =/

Dante Hicks · 28 Oct 2003, 19:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toccata & Fugue

Last time I went in there to cook myself there were NO clean plates, or knives, or glasses, or frying pans, and no I shouldn't have to wash up after you, you fat indolent waster.

heh. I don't wish to sound like the irritatingly laid back hippy of Ben Elton's act fame ("Hey Look It Was Only A Sausage") but maybe dishes aren't worth getting upset about.

Marilyn Manson · 28 Oct 2003, 19:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toccata & Fugue

You F***ing tosser. You started this up so I'm a gonna carry it on you, lazy arse whining bitch.

When he says Nazi he means I ignored his unwashed dishes for a week before asking him if he would clean up his dishes. I have always made every effort to clean the kitchen and always wash up my dishes straight after using them. Occasionally I have been known to leave a knife on the bread board, SbOlly however left a plate full of pasta in the living room for 2 days before I removed it to the kitchen wear it reamains unwashed and unnoticed 5 days later on top of the pan he used to make it and hadn't bothered to wash up either. Since then they have been joined by a dozen other pots and pans.

Last time I went in there to cook myself there were NO clean plates, or knives, or glasses, or frying pans, and no I shouldn't have to wash up after you, you fat indolent waster.

Having brought this up in a polite way this morning, SbOlly whined like a bitch complaining that he had a lot on his mind. Boo hoo.

'Social Fascist.'

wont work for the comunite, you facizt? fuk u.

Marilyn Manson · 28 Oct 2003, 19:39

Sod Sbelly, though. You can kill him for your barbecue, if you want. Counter-revolutionary elements and all that.

JonnyBGood · 28 Oct 2003, 19:40

My nanny-state aristo-socialistic government (oh yes what a nonsensical mixing of words which sounds kewl) provide me with a mechanical contrivance with which to wash these insidious dishes of which you speak.

Marilyn Manson · 28 Oct 2003, 19:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

My nanny-state aristo-socialistis government (oh yes what a nonsensical mixing of words which sounds kewl) provide me with a mechanical contrivance with which to wash these insidious dishes of which you speak.

MY GOD, IT'S THE SOLUTION!

MAKE UP SOMETHING TOTALLY RIDICULOUS, UNWORKABLE, UNCONSTRUCTIVE, DETACHED FROM REALITY, AND SAY IT SHOULD BE IMPLEMENTED!

LET US PROGRESS TO UTOPIA!

JonnyBGood · 28 Oct 2003, 19:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson

MY GOD, IT'S THE SOLUTION!

MAKE UP SOMETHING TOTALLY RIDICULOUS, UNWORKABLE, UNCONSTRUCTIVE, DETACHED FROM REALITY, AND SAY IT SHOULD BE IMPLEMENTED!

LET US PROGRESS TO UTOPIA!

I think Marx beat me to it by a good 150 years MM :(

Marilyn Manson · 28 Oct 2003, 19:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

I think Marx beat me to it by a good 150 years MM

I think Nod aims to improve upon this method by doing it a lot worse.

Dante Hicks · 28 Oct 2003, 19:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

I think Marx beat me to it by a good 150 years MM

Marx didn't come up with any real solutions, dumbass - he merely said he didn't like how plates were currently owned.

Deepflow · 28 Oct 2003, 19:58

he did predict that those who did not own the means of washing up would rise up and take it though. Thats kind of a solution.

Marilyn Manson · 28 Oct 2003, 20:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dante Hicks

Marx didn't come up with any real solutions, dumbass - he merely said he didn't like how plates were currently owned.

Plates were owned in Marx's time?

Good lord. We have a state franchise system whereby we rent them to the people that use them and re-write the debt through a fixed payments scheme. I thought this was how they've done it since the 5th century.

JonnyBGood · 28 Oct 2003, 20:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dante Hicks

Marx didn't come up with any real solutions, dumbass - he merely said he didn't like how plates were currently owned.

No, he wrote down a whole load of pretentious emotional tripe and pretended to be a scientist. There's a difference.

Marilyn Manson · 28 Oct 2003, 20:08

I have an irresistable thirst for Dandelion and Burdock.

Tactitus · 28 Oct 2003, 20:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson

MY GOD, IT'S THE SOLUTION!

MAKE UP SOMETHING TOTALLY RIDICULOUS, UNWORKABLE, UNCONSTRUCTIVE, DETACHED FROM REALITY, AND SAY IT SHOULD BE IMPLEMENTED!

LET US PROGRESS TO UTOPIA!

Aren't all-caps posts a bannable offense?

P.S. If they aren't, they should be.

P.P.S. What ever happened to the forum rules? Were they abolished when JJ was killed? Anarchy?!

Dace · 28 Oct 2003, 20:17

Deffeh why didn't you just make the girls clean up the kitchen?

Marilyn Manson · 28 Oct 2003, 20:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tactitus

Aren't all-caps posts a bannable offense?

No.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tactitus

P.S. If they aren't, they should be.

Lies.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tactitus

P.P.S. What ever happened to the forum rules? Were they abolished when JJ was killed? Anarchy?!

U high?

Deepflow · 28 Oct 2003, 20:20

these crazy forums...

i wish i could swear though

JonnyBGood · 28 Oct 2003, 20:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tactitus

P.P.S. What ever happened to the forum rules? Were they abolished when JJ was killed? Anarchy?!

Actually they're right underneath the announcement concerning MrBrick which was judged more important than repeating the same rules we've had for years.

Marilyn Manson · 28 Oct 2003, 20:40

And as for JJ; The man never existed. It's a conspiracy.

Deffeh · 28 Oct 2003, 21:14

my thread is great

Marilyn Manson · 28 Oct 2003, 21:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deffeh

my thread is great

God is great, you prick.

MrL_JaKiri · 28 Oct 2003, 21:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson

I have an irresistable thirst for Dandelion and Burdock.

I shall get some in

Marilyn Manson · 28 Oct 2003, 21:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri

I shall get some in

Bravo!

Remember the barrel of Cider, the barrel of Vodka, the barrel of Lager, five bottles of blackcurrant juice, and the Chinese King Prawn feast with curry and chips. Oh, and the partridge in the pear tree; I'll have that during the night.

MrL_JaKiri · 28 Oct 2003, 21:25

I'm afraid we only have MEAD.

Marilyn Manson · 28 Oct 2003, 21:29

Mead? Mead!?!

What kind of ****ananey operation is this?!? I'm not a peasant on a stop over on the way to market ffs.

MrL_JaKiri · 28 Oct 2003, 21:33

If it's good enough for Odin, then it is good enough for you thine foul whelp!

Marilyn Manson · 28 Oct 2003, 21:36

As if a god would drink mead.

That's lies, that is.

Tactitus · 28 Oct 2003, 21:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

Actually they're right underneath the announcement concerning MrBrick which was judged more important than repeating the same rules we've had for years.

Oh, I see. It's buried in the 'Announcement: MrBrick' Thread.

Excellent camouflage! But I suppose it's unintentional, as clearly someone just forgot to put the 's' on the end of 'Announcement'.

I blame Karm.

MrL_JaKiri · 28 Oct 2003, 21:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson

As if a god would drink mead.

That's lies, that is.

The Allfather disagrees.

The proper one, not the shite one on these forums.

G_frog · 28 Oct 2003, 22:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri

If it's good enough for Odin, then it is good enough for you thine foul whelp!

Only having one eye is good enough for you?

yes, i know what he got in exchange. you know what i mean.

JonnyBGood · 28 Oct 2003, 23:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tactitus

Oh, I see. It's buried in the 'Announcement: MrBrick' Thread.

Excellent camouflage! But I suppose it's unintentional, as clearly someone just forgot to put the 's' on the end of 'Announcement'. :p

I blame Karm.

Don't try and weasel your way out of this one.

PS I can't find how to edit it :( It says announcements everywhere else, including if you actually click on it and go inside the announcements :(

Tactitus · 28 Oct 2003, 23:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonnyBGood

Don't try and weasel your way out of this one.

PS I can't find how to edit it

It says announcements everywhere else, including if you actually click on it and go inside the announcements

Now who's weaseling out!?

JonnyBGood · 28 Oct 2003, 23:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tactitus

Now who's weaseling out!? :p

Quiet or I'll recommend you for moderating again :(