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8 Jul 2003, 16:24
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#1
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Oh Canada!
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Canada #eh?
Posts: 1,466
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wow, suicide and confusion...advice plz
I've always said that I have no respect for anyone that commits suicide, but I just got a phone call letting me know that one of my friends from work killed himself last night.
Now, I've had the discussion with him a few times about how if any of my friends ever commited suicide I wouldn't set foot near the funeral....but I've never been faced with it until now. I just don't know what to do about it. Part of me wants to go to the funeral, and part of me just wants to grab a box of beer and pretend like it never happened because I always said I wouldn't let it bother me, but it is bothering me. Do I crack and go to the funeral...or do I keep my way and say '**** YOU' and stay home.
I know there's some helpful folk around here, so please...work your magic.
__________________
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
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8 Jul 2003, 16:26
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#2
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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There should be no reason to resort to suicide, but assess his position and see if you can, if not respect, at least understand his decision.
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8 Jul 2003, 16:27
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#3
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Ball
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 4,410
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Go to the funeral. You wouldn't want to hurt his feelings.
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8 Jul 2003, 16:28
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#4
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Oh Canada!
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Canada #eh?
Posts: 1,466
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well, his girlfriend just kicked him out of their house over the weekend and yesterday at work he was pretty upset about it, but I mean....****, we've all been dumped before, it's not a reason to go kill yourself
__________________
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
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8 Jul 2003, 16:30
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#5
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Throwing Shapes
Join Date: Apr 2000
Posts: 797
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Quote:
Originally posted by queball
Go to the funeral. You wouldn't want to hurt his feelings.
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Its the respectful thing to do, no matter what the situation. If you considered him a Friend thats the right thing to do. The funeral is supposed to be a celebration of his life and closure - I think its best to be part of that if you were in whatever way a part of his life.
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8 Jul 2003, 16:31
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#6
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Mr. Blobby
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Belgium
Posts: 8,271
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Well, the guy is dead and you're never going to see him again, whether you go to the funeral or not. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter.
However, look ahead in time and decide. If you do not go to the funeral, will you feel sorry that you never went to pay repects to the person he was and to extend your condoleances to his family/friends? Alternatively, if you do go, will you feel sorry for going against one of your principles?
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8 Jul 2003, 16:32
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#7
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Throwing Shapes
Join Date: Apr 2000
Posts: 797
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dilly_D
well, his girlfriend just kicked him out of their house over the weekend and yesterday at work he was pretty upset about it, but I mean....****, we've all been dumped before, it's not a reason to go kill yourself
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Without knowing other things its hard to say that this was the only reason. A lot of crazy things happening can build up to the point of breakdown.
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8 Jul 2003, 16:41
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#8
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Angry Young Man
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Mister Cacciatore's down on Sullivan Street
Posts: 7,518
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Re: wow, suicide and confusion...advice plz
Quote:
Originally posted by Dilly_D
I've always said that I have no respect for anyone that commits suicide
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so you nearly didnt respect Billy Joel then? Tbh dilly, there isnt a choice about it, you should go without thinking about it
__________________
Believe in me, cause i don't believe in anything
And i wanna be someone, to believe, to believe in
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8 Jul 2003, 16:45
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#9
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Regardless of understanding, go. You will not spend the rest of your life cursing the fact that you did.
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8 Jul 2003, 16:50
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#10
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Spelling is for pussies
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Actually, where the feck am I........?
Posts: 446
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Go to the funeral.
If one of my friends killed themselves, I'd selfishly hate the **** for putting me through that. But I personally could never live with myself if I missed a friends funeral no matter the cause of death.
__________________
If God made me in his image, he's one fat ugly biatch.
I always get the soggy biscuit
Veni Vidi Codi
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8 Jul 2003, 16:52
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#11
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Vermin Supreme
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 3,280
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Don't go.
If you go, and another one of your friends kills themselves (knowing that you weren't serious) you will truly hate your self forever (and you'll be right to).
Have a special ceremony in private for him, and don't let anyone else know (because you do care, and you do understand).
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8 Jul 2003, 16:57
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#12
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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on a grand scale of things, it costs you nothing to go to the funeral, you have lost a friend, and the funeral is about saying goodbye and grieving.
You own it to both yourself and your friend to go, it may have been wrong for him ot commit suicide, but, there is nothing you can do about that now, so go, and grieve.
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lazy
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8 Jul 2003, 17:05
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#13
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Historian
Join Date: Nov 2000
Posts: 960
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Don't judge too quickly. There are many types of suicide, some come out of desperation, come come out of cowardice, some however come out of a genuine mental problem.
People who have genuine depression (not just people who get depressed) often find that it is too difficult a problem to deal with, unaware that there is medication available. You may never know the situation which brought on the suicide, but here is a few things to consider.
If it was his first attempt, then it was likely not just a cry-for-help desperation suicide. These people usually try several times before they succeed. It is possible your friend suffered some kind of mental break. Apparently, 10% of all suicides are people who have suffered a mental crisis, such as their first schitzophrenic break, and cannot cope. As the typical age for the first break is late teens to early 20s, and it is often brought on by crisis, who knows if this may have been the case?
The fact is, while suicide based on cowardice may be contemptable, that may simply not be the case here. Err on the side of respect, and go to the funeral.
__________________
"This is Rumour control, here are the facts..."
"Et nunc, reges, intelligite, er udimini, qui judicati terram"
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8 Jul 2003, 17:10
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#14
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Guest
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Don't go to any funerals. What's the point of visiting someone after they died. Too late, should have done that when they were still alive.
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8 Jul 2003, 17:21
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#15
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Vermin Supreme
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 3,280
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Reasons to go:
To say good bye
Cause you don't want to look like a dick in front of everybody
Reasons not to go:
You said you wouldn't
It encourages suicide
You can say good bye without going to the funeral
I see it as basically coming down to the dick factor; not going could hurt some relations within that group of friends.
I don't particularly care for funerals. They don't 'help' with the grieving process. Etc.
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8 Jul 2003, 17:36
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#16
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Klaatu barada nikto
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 3,237
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Go and console your mutual friends.
Funerals are for the living--the dead don't care.
__________________
The Ottawa Citizen and Southam News wish to apologize for our apology to Mark Steyn, published Oct. 22. In correcting the incorrect statements about Mr. Steyn published Oct. 15, we incorrectly published the incorrect correction. We accept and regret that our original regrets were unacceptable and we apologize to Mr. Steyn for any distress caused by our previous apology.
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8 Jul 2003, 17:40
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#17
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7 Dimensional Puddleduck
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Not where I want to be :(
Posts: 1,556
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I have a similar view on suicide but i'd go.
I just wouldn't change my view that it was a stupid waste of life
__________________
<CmdrCyrax> I'm sure GDers are bastions of the civilized world.
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8 Jul 2003, 18:03
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#18
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IRC Lackey
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Somewhere in the dark and nasty regions...
Posts: 1,471
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrL_JaKiri
Regardless of understanding, go. You will not spend the rest of your life cursing the fact that you did.
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Exactly. One of the teachers at my old school committed suicide. None of us were allowed to go to his funeral apart from the ones in his tutor group... which didn't feel good.
__________________
-Mushroom.
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
George Bernard Shaw
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8 Jul 2003, 18:06
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#19
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Suicide is rarely a rational decision, but I don't see why people are so-anti it. It's just a decision that someone makes what to do with their life.
If you don't go, then it may upset members of his family/friends, etc. For that reason I'd do. However, being a stubborn bastard myself, I can see the dilema. However, the dudes dead and presumably can't throw it back in your face.
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8 Jul 2003, 18:12
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#20
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Happy
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canada eh
Posts: 4,793
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wow dilly. i've got the exact same attitude towards suicide. and i've told my friends that a lot. but i think when it comes down to it, i would go to the funeral to pay respects to the family and console my other friends.
in private i would probably say 'you bonehead.. wtf did you do that for?'
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Where ever you go, there you are.
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8 Jul 2003, 18:17
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#21
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: :noitacoL
Posts: 1,200
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Go, it was his choice (perhaps not the kindest or most sensible) but he did it and you should respect his decision.
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8 Jul 2003, 18:18
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#22
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Child Eating Zombie Clown
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 1,450
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Go. You may not respect his decision, but you respect him.
As long as he was a friend, that's all that mattered.
__________________
Mirai - An Astral Being From Outer Space
Die You Bitch Minister of Insanity - "Timete Nostrum Piscem Furoris"
My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever, we begin bombing in 5 minutes - President Ronald Reagan, in a radio check where he did not realize the microphone was on and the station broadcasting
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8 Jul 2003, 18:52
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#23
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Serial Drunk
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Manchester
Posts: 30
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Suicide is almost imposible to understand from the out side, And while I personally feel it's a very selfish sulution in meny cases I would still recomend you go. In my first year at uni a had the missfortune of living a a halls flat where not 1 but 2 of my 6 flat mates atemped suicide. One not that seroisly but the other was in intensive care for 2 weeks. This girls life was happy to the outside and very few ppl could understand why she did it, on meny levels this included me. But just becaues i disaprove of what she did dosen't meen i didn't care for her and if she had died i would definatly go. As meny have said you are likly to regret it if you don't. For yourself as well as others please go.
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8 Jul 2003, 19:08
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#24
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The Milky Bar Kid
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Aberystwyth
Posts: 197
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this is so not the sort of thing you should ask GD ffs
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8 Jul 2003, 19:09
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#25
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hostile
this is so not the sort of thing you should ask GD ffs
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Why not? There are some fairly smart people here.
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8 Jul 2003, 19:11
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#26
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Banned
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: autogenic misery
Posts: 872
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piss on his grave.
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8 Jul 2003, 19:13
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#27
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Quote:
Originally posted by inf
piss on his grave.
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Your comment was ill-timed.
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8 Jul 2003, 19:25
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#28
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: stow, london
Posts: 78
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so.. basically
'Stubbornness vs Respect'
lol i cant even believe you're asking for help on what to do. Not everything is understandable to yourself, this included.
__________________
You know you love meh
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8 Jul 2003, 19:27
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#29
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Oh Canada!
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Canada #eh?
Posts: 1,466
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thanks everyone.
I just got in from my place of work and we're going to close down for the day of the funeral and all of us are going to go.
__________________
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
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8 Jul 2003, 19:31
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#30
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Käptn Karacho
Join Date: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,360
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Quote:
Originally posted by queball
Go to the funeral. You wouldn't want to hurt his feelings.
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he's dead, remember ?
__________________
at0mic.c0w - #strategy
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8 Jul 2003, 19:32
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#31
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Oh Canada!
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Canada #eh?
Posts: 1,466
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hunter RAF
so.. basically
'Stubbornness vs Respect'
lol i cant even believe you're asking for help on what to do. Not everything is understandable to yourself, this included.
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well, I think it comes down to never being faced with this kind of situation before. I've been telling myself for pretty much all my life that I wouldn't go if it happened...and I know deep down inside I have to go....but I think it's just been drilled into my head for so long that I'm just not sure what to listen to
__________________
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
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8 Jul 2003, 19:38
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#32
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:cool:
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Here, there and everywhere
Posts: 791
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I would want my friends to go to my funeral.
__________________
Danger gleams like sunshine to a brave man's eyes.
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8 Jul 2003, 21:09
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#33
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share the <3
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Location: Location:
Posts: 2,709
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personally id go, if only so you dont look like a complete ****. I know it sounds harsh but he was your friend, ok he did something that you completely disagree with, but atleast go to say goodbye with the rest of his friends/family.
As Dante has already said suicide is normally not exactly a rational decision (euthanasia aside- quality of life issues etc)
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8 Jul 2003, 21:32
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#34
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J to the C to the A G E
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Scúnthorpe
Posts: 5,583
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Quote:
Originally posted by acropolis
It encourages suicide
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I don't get this.
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8 Jul 2003, 21:34
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#35
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Gubbish
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: #FoW
Posts: 2,323
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You've already realized your made up mind was a bad idea to begin with, doesn't matter what you do now.
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Gubble gubble gubble gubble
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8 Jul 2003, 21:46
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#36
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 2,635
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I'd go and say goodbye to him.
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8 Jul 2003, 23:29
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#37
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fascinated by bridges!
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Norwegiensis
Posts: 919
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No one can fully know how another person percieves and experiences this world. Hence we cannot say things like 'suicide is always pathetic' etc, since we don't know what kind of emotions they felt when deciding to kill themselves.
When this person killed himself we can only assume he genuinly felt the need to do this. Similar when a person does a cry-for-help suicide attept, they genuinly feel the need to do this. That's pretty obvious. Then it is up to other people to change this way of thinking.
Thinking along the lines of "Well last time I got dumped I didn't care at all, so there is no way I can understand why this person took his own life! That's just stupid" would be mixing up your mental condition with another persons mental condidion - a condition no one else beside that person can fully know.
So go to the funeral because he's dead, that's what you do when people die and you've known them.
Also feel sorry for his ex who probably isn't all too cheerful nowadays.
Matrim
__________________
Holy smoke.
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8 Jul 2003, 23:39
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#38
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Further to the right
Posts: 19,441
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If you still count him as your friend go. If you do not don't go.
__________________
Some might ask what good is life without purpose but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
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8 Jul 2003, 23:41
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#39
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Banned
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: autogenic misery
Posts: 872
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after the funeral, dig your friend up and eat his face.
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8 Jul 2003, 23:48
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#40
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Lai
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: rah
Posts: 386
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go, you will never have another chance to.
__________________
[18:02]<DJ_Bass>When i was just a knee basher i ran outside with a coat hanger above my head thinking it would repel lightning
[18:03]<Ashknight>If it hit you, now that would explain a LOT
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Follow the guy in front
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<[7th]Seventh> liseh?
<Bloomers> hmmm
<Bloomers> he's okay
<Bloomers> you are fitter tho
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8 Jul 2003, 23:51
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#41
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teens1ut
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 89
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Quote:
Originally posted by LHC
I don't get this.
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Me either. How does going to the funeral encourage suicide? Personally I've never seen anyone say "hey that guy went to so-in-so's funeral. I NEED TO KILL MYSELF!"
__________________
<sinnamon> dont jerk off to our sadism :/
* coza looks sadism up
[M&S]
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8 Jul 2003, 23:51
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#42
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a new low in getting high
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,810
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Quote:
Originally posted by Matrim
No one can fully know how another person percieves and experiences this world. Hence we cannot say things like 'suicide is always pathetic' etc, since we don't know what kind of emotions they felt when deciding to kill themselves.
When this person killed himself we can only assume he genuinly felt the need to do this. Similar when a person does a cry-for-help suicide attept, they genuinly feel the need to do this. That's pretty obvious. Then it is up to other people to change this way of thinking.
Thinking along the lines of "Well last time I got dumped I didn't care at all, so there is no way I can understand why this person took his own life! That's just stupid" would be mixing up your mental condition with another persons mental condidion - a condition no one else beside that person can fully know.
So go to the funeral because he's dead, that's what you do when people die and you've known them.
Also feel sorry for his ex who probably isn't all too cheerful nowadays.
Matrim
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This guy's right.
__________________
There’s trouble on every corner,
And you need a place to hide,
All the bad things follow us down,
I want you by my side.
We’re hitting a new low.
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9 Jul 2003, 00:01
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#43
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Gubbish
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: #FoW
Posts: 2,323
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Quote:
Originally posted by sinnamon xie
Me either. How does going to the funeral encourage suicide? Personally I've never seen anyone say "hey that guy went to so-in-so's funeral. I NEED TO KILL MYSELF!"
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"Gah, noone cares about me! I know people really care about someone in their funeral, I'll kill myself, then they'll all care!"
Or similar.
__________________
Gubble gubble gubble gubble
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9 Jul 2003, 00:02
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#44
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 80
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Maybe the day you'll be into a suicide position you won't feel the same... Maybe he doesn't valuate life as high as you do, everyone has different opinions, views, choices for his or her life. If there's someone in this thread that I do not respect, it is you.
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9 Jul 2003, 01:31
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#45
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(.) (.)
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: NI
Posts: 410
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go or you'll regret it ... alot
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9 Jul 2003, 01:32
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#46
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Happy
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canada eh
Posts: 4,793
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you guys can't read :P
he's already said he's going to go.
__________________
Where ever you go, there you are.
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9 Jul 2003, 04:38
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#47
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Oh Canada!
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Canada #eh?
Posts: 1,466
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heh, I found out tonight what happened(was talking to a guy that was there). He was out with a bunch of friends last night, and brought a gun with him. They stopped by a bar, that his brother owns, called 'The Boat'...it's right on the waterfront here. After they left, they were walking along the beach and he said 'hey guys, check this out' and he pulled out the gun and bang....right in front of his friends.
__________________
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
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9 Jul 2003, 04:42
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#48
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teens1ut
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 89
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That's horrible :/ I'm sorry Dilly
__________________
<sinnamon> dont jerk off to our sadism :/
* coza looks sadism up
[M&S]
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9 Jul 2003, 06:44
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#49
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Happy
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canada eh
Posts: 4,793
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omg.. that's horrible
though i'd have to question why he brought the gun in the first place
__________________
Where ever you go, there you are.
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9 Jul 2003, 07:00
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#50
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Oh Canada!
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Canada #eh?
Posts: 1,466
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Quote:
Originally posted by Aryn
omg.. that's horrible
though i'd have to question why he brought the gun in the first place
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well, his ex goes to that bar every monday...so we couldn't help but think that maybe he wanted to find her :\
__________________
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
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