Planetarion Forums - The star ship Idiot

flapjack · 29 May 2003, 20:04

*flapjack uses the distraction to place a huge planet destroyer beam gun right in front of the starship idiot, with the timer set to an unknown amount of seconds*

*flapjack plays evil person with the intention of destroying the starship idiot*

Shadow cat · 29 May 2003, 20:33

looks down at his shoulder
*growl*
makes a quick hard hit to the back of daves head knocking him unconcious. picks dave up and runs to a room. places 3 sentry guns by every entery to the room. takes a big iron ring sets it on edge and bolts it down. takes daves arms and puts them in metal braces and welds the braces to the ring. then does the same to his legs.

now you pay!

spashes some water on daves face and pulls out a big hunting knife. walks around the ring and drags the sharp side of the knife down daves back then raises the two edges of the cut. makes horizontal cuts around daves torso. begins peeling the strips of skin from daves back. after the first strip Shadow cat rips out daves voice box to silence his screaming and continues peeling. upon finishing he takes salt and throws a handfull at daves back and one at his chest. washes the salt off with vinigar and to top things off he pours a whole bottle of hydrogen peroxide over dave. then he pulls the gauss rifle out of the temporal pocket and smiles with satisfaction as dave explodes in a big red splash.

thats for removing my arm.

Evil_Ginge · 29 May 2003, 21:31

:: ginge being in control of all ships weapons takes the new cannons in the cargo bay for a "spin" ::

Demon Dave · 29 May 2003, 22:25

*A strange sensation is felt by DD, who is still sitting on the bridge, signaling that something has happened to his clone that was created in a feak transporter accident a few years ago. DD uses the ships internal sensors and scans for any signs of himself, other than the one on the bridge. After a few minutes scanning, a DNA trace is found in one of the rooms on the ships. The scans show a rather pleased looking Shadw cat (minus one arm) standing around a blood stained floor and chair. DD seals the door and opens the outer wall of the room blasting the cat into outer space and towards the Black Hole*

"heh heh heh i'd like to see him get out of that one"

Shadow cat · 30 May 2003, 04:38

after being sucked into space S,cat places his knife in the gauss rifle
......
and fires. the knife is sucked into the black hole while S,cat is sent hurtling back the way he came
....
slams into a bulkhead and grabs on to keep from bouncing back into space he then closes the room off and breaks the door down
*PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

S,cat storms to the bridge delivers a crushing blow to the side of daves head knocking him unconcious. (repeat last post with a different room)

ooc- at least i went with it putz-ooc

Oysia · 30 May 2003, 04:57

Quote:

Originally posted by Demon Dave
"phew, thought it was that 'cure' our 'docter' gave me"

I'm a nurse.

*Oysia takes what's left in the beaker and gives it to Kama, then locks all the viruses and goop in the cupboards before leaving to wander the ship again*

Demon Dave · 30 May 2003, 11:35

*Before Shadow Cat has a chance to kill Demon Dave, he is transported away back to the bridge. Shadow Cat is then transported to the brig and placed behind a level 12 forcefield. During the transport, all weapons Shadow Cat had where filtered out by the pattern buffer and destroyed*

"<comm> tsk tsk tsk i think you're going to be in there for a long time. lets see what we've got here.
1. unauterised entry onto the ship
2. theft of a .5 cred coin
3. assult on a superia officer (two counts of)
4. murder of a superia officer
5. criminal damage to property
6. attempted murder of a superia officer
dear oh dear whatever next?"

*as a precaution DD erects a level 20 forcefield around the bridge and tells security to shot Shadow Cat on sight*

Shadow cat · 30 May 2003, 15:38

ooc-at least it makes sence-ooc

looks at the force feild and laughs

you expect that to keep me here?

digs into his temporal pocket and pulls out a small black box with a red button he pushes the red button
hmmmm...
the lights begin to glow brighter than normal
its working!
lets go of the button and the force feild instantly shuts off along with all other electrical systems within 10 feet
HA!
walks out and pokes dave then gets to work on repairing flapjack
sorry Pancake computer it had to be done
removes a large circuit board and studies it
dead here here and here
tinkers and replaces the board
repeats proccess a few times with other boards
should work now
pushes a button and Flapjack boots up
there ya go
runs off the bridge towards the cargo bay pulling a small gun from his pocket

Demon Dave · 30 May 2003, 20:20

*DD sets up a dampening field throughout the ship which inhibits all electrical components, weapons and EM producing technology. DD then beams Shadow Cat back to the brig and erects a level 6295 forcefield, which is absolutly totally 100% completly escape proof*

"oh no you don't, you're going to stay there untill you're sorry for all the crimes you've commited whislt you've been here"

Evil_Ginge · 30 May 2003, 21:37

*Ginge dives behind a coputer stack as the contradiction of daves em field produces a fault in the space time continuum, blowing the device, and part of daves left index finger into a different dimension*

Demon Dave · 30 May 2003, 21:53

*DD looks down at his left hand after feeling a dull pain only to find that part of his index finger has jumped into a different dimension. DD then decides to go after his finger and jumps into the different dimension. Unfortunatly the hole in space-time begins to grow and swallows up the SSI*

"wow, i'd always wondered what another dimension looked like. Funny, it likes the SSI"

Evil_Ginge · 30 May 2003, 22:41

"hmm, you seem to be anchoring us here"

*teleports DD outside the ship and the SSI jumps back into normal space, leaving DD behind*

Demon Dave · 30 May 2003, 22:46

*DD (now with all of his finger) floats around the other dimension wondering how to get back*

"hmmmm"

ToeJam · 30 May 2003, 22:56

while scampering around the ships unmonitored access tubes and conduits.

Toe Jam becomes entangled with some loose wires and cables.after a brief struggle and a few moments of yelling and screaming at the darn things. he eventualy free's himself.in the process he had to yank them out of there connection ports.

Unknowingly it appears that the wires were connected to the main junction board that controls the energy and electrical fields for the brig.
the end result is a total loss of power for the entire brig area. the SSI'S fail safe system activates and opens all doors.

Toe Jam continues to make his way in these uncharted byways to places unknown. even to him

Shadow cat · 30 May 2003, 23:00

ooc- your electrical inhibitor would render the ship compleatly useless thus your force feild wouldn't work-ooc

heh! dave gone!

makes a loose pen fly up and push buttons that turn off the force field and runs towards the cargo bay

Demon Dave · 30 May 2003, 23:22

*DD suddenly gets a fantastic idea*

"if contradictions got me here, maybe they can get me out"

*with that thought DD finds the biggest contradiction in the universe float by and picks it up*

"hmmm, the Bible eh?"

*DD opens the Bible and begins reading it. as soon as he starts reading the New Testament he is instantly teleported back to the SSI*

"heh, still got it"

J-Kama-Ka-C · 30 May 2003, 23:30

*Kama sits in a coridoor leading against the wall, not being able to find the cargo bay, he'd sat down, and was starting to wish they hadn't cut the budget so low on carpets. This stuff was itchy

Evil_Ginge · 30 May 2003, 23:33

"ahh, don't read that thing here, it'll get us all in there again, and once again we'll have to teleport you off the ship"

Demon Dave · 31 May 2003, 00:07

*DD the places the book of contradictions in a safe below the weapons console and erects an anti-contradiction forcefield around the safe which itself is a contradiction and so causes the ship to get sucked back into the Other Dimension. The safe and bible unexblicably disappear leaving the ship and crew stranded with no way back*

"ooh crap. Ginge before you beam me off the ship it's not going to help, i'm not the cause this time. well, not directly anyway"

Evil_Ginge · 31 May 2003, 21:00

*beams both dave and his anti contradiction field off the ship, allowing it to go back into its normal dimension*

Demon Dave · 31 May 2003, 21:29

*however the anti-contradiction field had disappeared with the bible and safe and so was not beamed of the ship, which stayed in the Other Dimension. DD then floats back to an airlock and lets himself in. He then takes turbolift 4 up to the Bridge*

"why do you want to get back to our dimension so soon anyway? i'm sure there's loads of stuff in this dimension for us to explore/mess with/screw up"

Evil_Ginge · 31 May 2003, 22:30

your free to screw with this dimension, i have a black hole i want to screw with

*Teleports DD off the ship again, making his own portal int the normal dimension, safe distance from the black hole, then starts up the betting again in which people will bet on what they want to see the most put into the black hole

Demon Dave · 31 May 2003, 22:48

*Using his Trans-Dimensional Communicator DD opens a channel to Ginge*

"well can you at least send a fighter over to me so i can screw with this dimension properly?"

Evil_Ginge · 31 May 2003, 22:55

its a dimension of contradictions, ask a passing deity to summon you up one

Demon Dave · 31 May 2003, 23:17

*DD watches as a a Budhist monk floats pass*

"err... excuss me mr. floating monk man, you wouldn't happen to have a spare Slip Fighter would you?"

*without anything being said a Slip Fighter appears in front of DD*

"wow, thanks dude!"

*DD gets in the Slip Fighter and goes in search of something to 'play' with*

flapjack · 2 Jun 2003, 08:31

*flapjack notes that in the contradictionary dimension everything is contradictive, so giving thrust forward will move you backward and turning left will actaully turn you right*

*flapjack bets ginge that ginge can't throw a contradictionary dimension into the black hole*

Demon Dave · 2 Jun 2003, 15:34

*DD also notices that by getting in the fighter he is getting out and that since he is in the ship then he must be outside still floating around. DD then begins to think too much causing him to get terribly confussed and so decides to leave the contradictory dimension*

"whew that's better, back in the normal dimension."

*DD then opens a comm channel to the SSI*

"Permission to come aboard and bet sir? err... any room in the fighter bay?"

Evil_Ginge · 4 Jun 2003, 08:07

Dave, you can stay right where you are, i'm not getting shoved into that dimension unnanounced again

*turns to flapjack

Of course i will not take your bet, you can't throw a dimension intp a black hole

flapjack · 4 Jun 2003, 15:13

you sure you can't do that ? okay, how about throwing in that black hole over there, and that solar system, at the same time without any of the solar system's parts touching the other black hole and without having them hitting on opposite sides of the black hole

i'll bet you 1000k you can't do it

Shadow cat · 4 Jun 2003, 18:06

thinks that the dimention exists, the dimention instantly disspears
heh! no more alternate dimention

Evil_Ginge · 5 Jun 2003, 08:06

your still asking the impossible, i could do the solar system with a bit of trouble, but the black hole would just nullify the effect of gravity, they would orbit each other at the best

vampire_lestat · 19 Jun 2003, 12:22

ahoy all, is there an opening as science officer?

^it was mine a long way back, and if its still free i'll fill it!^

J-Kama-Ka-C · 19 Jun 2003, 12:34

*Kama watches the crate of shaking sunflowers spaghetify into the black hole
"...hmm, there goes the last of them... we'll need a new scie... oh hi Lestat!"

flapjack · 19 Jun 2003, 13:12

that black hole there is lighter then that black hole, so it should be possible

but if you don't think you can do it, try those 2 solar systems with the same rules

Evil_Ginge · 19 Jun 2003, 14:14

meh i'll see what i can do

*Manouvers the ship around the two solar systems, placing planet mover rockets on each one the returning to his origional position, using the gravity created by each solar system he manourvered the suns, then, lining all the planets up in a flat circle, then moving them towards the black hole in unison*

"ok this is the tricky part"

*As they get close enough for the black hole to start spaghettifying them he pushes the buttonfor the rockets sending the planets apart from eacxh other as they spiral down the black hole, completeing the challege*

ok wheres my money?

flapjack · 19 Jun 2003, 14:27

well, err, it was on the third planet from the sun of the second solar system, to be exact in the bank at the city in the polar region of the planet

vampire_lestat · 19 Jun 2003, 14:35

"hi Kama"

*lestat takes a quick walk around the ship, and eventually finds his old office/room, looking at the mess he left it in, he realises he is home.

After sterelising some equiptment he walks around, picks up an empty bell jar, a cork with a rubber pipe coming out of it and a small beaker.

He rushes about, grabing som unmarked chemicals (if you were to look closely you would see they are Glarkantu hyper-yeast, the most efficiant ethanol producer known to man and a small ammount of sweetogen and a super concentrated version of household sugar).

Lestat mixes these materials with some water in the bell jar. He then places the cork in the hole in the bell jar, filling the gaps with mega-glue, a powerful domestic solvent. The end of the rubber tube is placed in the small beaker, which he has filled with water.

Lestat steaps back in silent appreciationof his work and places the jar on an infa red heating plate. after stepping away he turns on the plate, and approx. 0.124mileseconds later the small still explodes.

Lestat stands, dumfounded, in his cozy office, he walks towards some of the liquid that was spread all over the room by the explosion and puts it on a slide for his positron microscope (a tool utilising antimatter to create a picture 1000 times better than that of an electron microscope [ooc]i do know this couldn't work, so don't gimmie a physics lecture about it[/ooc]). He looks at it and sees that, to his suprise, he has created a bacterium, that is made intirely of alchahol. Feeling self confident, he calles it the lestattiusdrunkium microbe.

Quickly realising what this was lestat placed a small sample in a 1L bottle of water and runs out of his office (locking the door behind him) looking for a 'test subject'.

[ooc]just realised that i really, really want this bacteium to exist in RL, how cool would that be?[/ooc]

Gryffin · 24 Jun 2003, 22:55

*Gryffin walks out of the Captain's office, at the back of the bridge, and glares at Kama.*

"What sort of exam was that? It took me two whole months straight!"

*Gryffin wanders over to a turbo-lift, and takes it down to the fighter bays, where is beloved fighter wing resides. After waving to all his pilots (who are playing cards, as they have been for the last year) he checks his fighter is still fully functional, and then begins to head back to the bridge, when he runs into Lestat.*

"Hey la Lestat, havn't seen you in a while. Where have you been?"

vampire_lestat · 25 Jun 2003, 09:19

"around, so hows it going? You wanna try some of this?" *lestat holds up the alcahol thing he made* "all the cool kids are doing it."

Demon Dave · 25 Jun 2003, 11:13

*DD gets bored of floating around in space and uses his slip fighter to blast a hole in the fighter bay doors, causing the pilots to get sucked out into space along with their cards. DD then flies his slip fighter in, parks it (after crashing into and destroying two other fighters), beams himself of the deck and walks towards the bridge, whistling innocently*

vampire_lestat · 25 Jun 2003, 11:15

*lestat trips dave up as he walks by*

Demon Dave · 25 Jun 2003, 11:30

*DD vaporizes lestat with his Ultimate Disintigrater 3000, leaving a black pile of dust where lestat stood*

"no unautherised chemicals or experiments are to be undertaken or brought on bored with out the express permission of the Cheif of Security, me"

flapjack · 25 Jun 2003, 12:18

wasn't ginge the chief of security ??

*flapjack sabotages all the weapons in the armoury so they now fire small flags saying: if you've been hit by this, please die*

*flapjack then inserts a belgium virus into the computers saying:

if you're reading this, please send this to everyone in your contact list, then delete all files on your harddrive(s) and format them

vampire_lestat · 25 Jun 2003, 13:12

the small pile of dust reintegrates into lestatdue to some reintegration powder lestat had in his pocket

.

"that wasn't very nice"

anyhow, weren't you the pilot, not security bloke?

Demon Dave · 25 Jun 2003, 14:17

"yeah i was, but ginge made me redundant, since he now controls the computer systems, so he let me be Chief of Security which is far more satisfying i think"

*DD then vaporizes lestat again, leaving another pile of ash, and continues on his way to the bridge, still whistling innocently*

Shadow cat · 25 Jun 2003, 17:11

looks into lestats messy blasted office

hey! nifty stuff

trys the door

locked ah well.

punches dave for locking him in a force field earlyer while walking to the bridge and sweeps up the pile of ash and puts it in a jar

Demon Dave · 25 Jun 2003, 21:58

*DD vaporizes SC, leaving yet another pile of ash on the floor*

"Striking a superier officer is punishable by death"

TSMidi · 26 Jun 2003, 06:12

[ooc] IM BACK!!.. wew finaly. heck i fiddled for a while trying to reemmber my password for the other account.. but the email address that i signed up with no locnger exsists as i dictched that ISP anwyay back t the fun!.. erm forgot to add Cheif engineer of the idot oh well ill do it later..[/ooc]

* Midi wakes up after hitting the floor rather hard... (apparently the nice cool spot he found to take a nap wasnt realy the fridge but at cryogenic food preserver which accidently got set for 2 years later to deactivate).. after streaching a little, Midi realizes he is in dire need of a mountain dew and dashes off to the vending machine in the gally.. after pressing the button a few times, Midi gets frustraited because its not giving him his drink.. "Darnit i know i stocked this b4 i took a nap!" *starts shaking the machine violently* "GIVE ME MY DRINK!!!" suddenly the machine tips over on him.. the last thing he sees is the date on the chronometer.." WHAT THE!!!." passes out*

flapjack · 26 Jun 2003, 11:11

*flapjack now goes to sabotage all vending machines, so the drink vending machines now vend food and the other way around*

vampire_lestat · 26 Jun 2003, 11:25

*lestat rolls about in the jar for a bit, and then begins to reintegrate, sending peices of the jar flying all over the place, due to the fact that dave had set a time of reintegration on his ray. after a quick strech lestat realises he is nekkid and runs to his office to get dressed*

new plan, kill dave.