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15 Sep 2005, 14:33
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#1
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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Men are from Mars, women from Venus
No sex tonight?
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it,I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.*
*nicely stolen from somewhere
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Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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15 Sep 2005, 14:39
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#2
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You love me really
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 342
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Excellent!
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Yamaha SRX600
Last edited by Arachnidman; 25 Jan 2011 at 13:52.
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15 Sep 2005, 14:39
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#3
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,313
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Funny. Old, but funny.
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15 Sep 2005, 14:48
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#4
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Registered Abuser
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Lincoln!!
Posts: 425
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Brilliant!
If only i was man enough to try it.
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The hungriest man will eat the dirtiest meat.
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15 Sep 2005, 14:58
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#5
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Registered Awesome Person
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,676
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
So old, it's new
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Finally free!
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15 Sep 2005, 15:04
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#6
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
She's not a virgin anymore and she loves it.
I rock.
ok ok, you guys can go back on topic.
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..look
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15 Sep 2005, 15:15
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#7
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
She's not a virgin anymore and she loves it.
I rock.
ok ok, you guys can go back on topic.
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Aww, silver is having sex, how cute.
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bastard bastard bastard bastard
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15 Sep 2005, 15:26
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#8
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Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
heard it a million times.
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15 Sep 2005, 16:03
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#9
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deepflow
Aww, silver is having sex, how cute.
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actually, now that i think about it, im not satisfied.
I want to know which devious plan you used, and how many others you tried before that one worked.
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bastard bastard bastard bastard
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15 Sep 2005, 16:05
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#10
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Caveat Lector
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 3,038
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
You know androgynous women aren't that different, maybe you should give that a go.
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15 Sep 2005, 16:49
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#11
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
I was about to laugh at you for having those kind of conversations in bed.
Oh well.
I'll just do it anyway.
"dear"
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"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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15 Sep 2005, 19:03
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#12
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 2,635
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Two excellent jokes in one week. Thank you GD.
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15 Sep 2005, 19:31
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#13
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hated dead or alive
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 595
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
*nicely stolen from somewhere
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Yep, Legionboards, about 1.5 years ago:P
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15 Sep 2005, 20:56
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#14
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PA Team
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 7,449
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Quote:
Originally Posted by sigrid
Yep, Legionboards, about 1.5 years ago:P
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I've seen variations of it in random jokes before, and I doubt they stole it from the Legion boards
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r8-10 RaH r10.5-12 MISTU
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15 Sep 2005, 21:22
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#15
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Heh, Leeds !
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In The Redfern
Posts: 3,790
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deepflow
actually, now that i think about it, im not satisfied.
I want to know which devious plan you used, and how many others you tried before that one worked.
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Surely not one of Dace's that worked.
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The George Harrison of BlueTuba
Yes, I know he is dead !
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15 Sep 2005, 23:07
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#16
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: Men are from Mars, women from Venus
I snorted.
Old though.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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