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Unread 7 Sep 2005, 19:09   #1
Billy No Brains
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Toliet Jinks
I took a dump in work today, it's a small quiet loo with three cubicles so I timed it when nobody else was in there to avoid embarrasing noises etc. As I was ending my business, I heard some guy come in and enter one of the other cubicles.

Washing my hands, I realised there was no sound coming from the cubicle and it occured to me that he was waiting for me to leave before starting to shit. I dried up, opened the door to leave, and then let the door close - with me still inside the toliets...

A few seconds later the guy exploded into action with an accompanied sigh, he really was blasting the pan thinking he was alone.

I burst out laughing and ran out
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Unread 7 Sep 2005, 19:14   #2
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Re: Toliet Jinks
Have a green blob for making me laugh out loud

Dont ever do that to me though
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Unread 7 Sep 2005, 20:10   #3
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Re: Toliet Jinks
harsh but quite funny.
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Unread 7 Sep 2005, 20:14   #4
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Re: Toliet Jinks
That's authentic Toilet Humor.
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Unread 7 Sep 2005, 21:11   #5
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Re: Toliet Jinks
That's awesome

I don't like pooing when other people are there either.
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Unread 7 Sep 2005, 21:46   #6
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Re: Toliet Jinks
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
That's awesome

I don't like pooing when other people are there either.
What are you scared of?
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Unread 7 Sep 2005, 21:48   #7
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Re: Toliet Jinks
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaneED
What are you scared of?
Probably the EVAL poo pixies.

I know I am.
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Unread 7 Sep 2005, 21:54   #8
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Re: Toliet Jinks
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaneED
What are you scared of?
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Unread 7 Sep 2005, 21:55   #9
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Re: Toliet Jinks
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Unread 8 Sep 2005, 07:24   #10
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Re: Toliet Jinks
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaneED
What are you scared of?
Who knows.

Someone s******ing and running off, I suppose
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Unread 8 Sep 2005, 10:03   #11
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Re: Toliet Jinks
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
That's awesome

I don't like pooing when other people are there either.
Made me laff. Ho ho ho! And on a not dis-similar theme; I hate having to answer the mobile phone when sitting on the pan; the caller really enjoys the fact when you say "I`m just having a dump at the mo, be with you in minute". Puts them right off.

PS: I guess you could record said sounds on the mobile and incorporate them into your answer phone message, if you really wanted to. Oh dear!
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Unread 8 Sep 2005, 10:56   #12
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Re: Toliet Jinks
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy No Brains
I took a dump in work today, it's a small quiet loo with three cubicles so I timed it when nobody else was in there to avoid embarrasing noises etc.
Baffle the sound with additional pre-deposit toilet paper, man, it's Poop 101 stuff.
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Unread 8 Sep 2005, 13:32   #13
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Re: Toliet Jinks
Quote:
Originally Posted by pablissimo
Baffle the sound with additional pre-deposit toilet paper, man, it's Poop 101 stuff.
Indeed. Also keeps your cheeks nice and dry should you produce a blimp or two, its an effective way of controlling the 'splash factor'.
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Unread 8 Sep 2005, 13:42   #14
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Re: Toliet Jinks
Through years of unssuccessful attempts at avoiding splashback, I discovered an excellent method.

Rather than dropping a few sheets onto the surface of the water to absorb the impact of the log, I have an alternative.

The idea is to decelerate the log mid flight, so you have greatly reduced its speed before it hits the water.

How do you do that without getting your hands dirty?

Easy, lie a long strip of paper (about 6 sections in a row) across the toilet seat, so the middle sags into the bowl and almost touches the water (kind of like a cradle).
You must secure this paper in place by sitting on the seat, so the ends are wedged under your arse.

Then, subsequent turds will hit the cradle before they fall into the water, and won't have the speed to make much of a noise, or cause splashback.

I like to call this technique "Cradle to the grave" or, after a night out, "Cradle to the gravy".
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Unread 8 Sep 2005, 17:03   #15
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Re: Toliet Jinks
I didn't anticipate starting this kind of trend in this thread and respectfully request its closure forthwith
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Unread 8 Sep 2005, 18:33   #16
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Re: Toliet Jinks
Quote:
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I didn't anticipate starting this kind of trend in this thread and respectfully request its closure forthwith
So youd rather just hold your hand in a small closed circle down by your thigh and hope people look at it pubs?

PS : You just lost.

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Unread 8 Sep 2005, 22:54   #17
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Re: Toliet Jinks
**** YOU, BELL-END
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Unread 8 Sep 2005, 23:41   #18
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Re: Toliet Jinks
I can't stop laughing at all the shit in this thead.
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