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24 May 2005, 19:47
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#1
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The Bad Guy
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: East, East, East London
Posts: 2,107
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German Sex
A German guy approaches a prostitute, "I vish to buy sex vit you"
"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 20 an hour"
"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky"
"No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky"
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
"I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs"
The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs to her elbows and knees
"Now you vill get on your hans und knees"
She duly does this, balancing on the springs "You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you"
She find this odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered the breath to say:
"That was totally amazing, where did you learn how to do that?"
"Ah" says the German "Four-sprung duck technique"
__________________
I wear my sunglasses at night.
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24 May 2005, 19:57
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#2
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Insanely Insignificant
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Bournemouth
Posts: 1,056
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Re: German Sex
heh
__________________
Very nearly there.
All is nothing, without you.
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24 May 2005, 20:18
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#3
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Mr. Blobby
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Belgium
Posts: 8,271
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Re: German Sex
I'm not getting it. The joke. Fortunately I'm not getting it from German men either.
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24 May 2005, 20:23
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,290
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Re: German Sex
Vorsprung durch Technik.
__________________
im not tolerant, i just dont care.
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24 May 2005, 20:24
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#5
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overtired
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 5,900
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Re: German Sex
A car manufacturer (Audi I think) used to have an advertising campaign with the slogan "Vorsprung durch Technik" which sounds similar to Rids' punchline.
edit : beaten by wu trax
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24 May 2005, 20:25
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#6
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Twisted
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Down with the sickness
Posts: 2,484
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Re: German Sex
That is particularly bad. I am saddened :(
__________________
Me
In my sleep I grind my teeth.
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24 May 2005, 20:27
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#7
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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Re: German Sex
quality.
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Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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24 May 2005, 20:27
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#8
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Insomniac
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 3,583
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Re: German Sex
it made me smile. not quite giggle worthy tho.
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24 May 2005, 20:28
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#9
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Mr. Blobby
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Belgium
Posts: 8,271
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Re: German Sex
Thank you wu_trax and 1-X, now it suddenly makes a lot more sense.
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24 May 2005, 20:56
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#10
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Insanity Prawn Boy!
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: In a bush where you can't find me
Posts: 2,474
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Re: German Sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1-X
A car manufacturer (Audi I think) used to have an advertising campaign with the slogan "Vorsprung durch Technik" which sounds similar to Rids' punchline.
edit : beaten by wu trax
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it is indeed Audi. And they still use it. Just out of interest, does anyone actually know what "Vorsprung durch Technik" means?
__________________
They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We shall remember them.
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24 May 2005, 21:07
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#11
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Lord Denning
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: City of London
Posts: 2,548
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Re: German Sex
"Progress through Technology", I believe.
__________________
Please bear in mind when reading the above post that I am always right.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson
He was crowned in York Cathedral as 'Expert in the West' by Pope Urban III in 1186.
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24 May 2005, 21:07
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#12
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Mr. Blobby
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Belgium
Posts: 8,271
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Re: German Sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demon Dave
it is indeed Audi. And they still use it. Just out of interest, does anyone actually know what "Vorsprung durch Technik" means?
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It roughly means "Advantage by technology".
Edit: Somewhat beaten. Although Vorsprung is advantage, not progress.
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24 May 2005, 21:18
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#13
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,290
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Re: German Sex
do they really use that worldwide? i guess they try to score points by reminding people thats its a german car (as if that means anything anymore ) rather than with what it means. strange, usually companies here invent crappy english slogans and use them even here
__________________
im not tolerant, i just dont care.
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24 May 2005, 21:31
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#14
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,174
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Re: German Sex
Old.
__________________
If one person is in delusion, they're called insane.
If many people are in delusion, it's called a religion.
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24 May 2005, 21:36
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#15
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Evil inside
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 3,631
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Re: German Sex
Quality, far better than the books I read for my thesis about the German economy
__________________
<Germania>but you called Fury a bully, and that is terribly unfair
<Hicks>Occassionally individuals do things without Executive consent
<Dreadnought>You cant whois on Eclipse server without a registered nic, which mr ****stirrer doesnt have.
<Almeida> well i like to grow fat myself too, and when i have enough ships then i can engage in big battles
<Nantoz> Zhukov for Lord Protector!
<Jakiri> (Windows)XP was fine on release
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24 May 2005, 22:07
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#16
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Chimping
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Newcastle, England.
Posts: 350
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Re: German Sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nantoz
Me: Gee, what's the seventh wonder of the world again. I have six, but what's the last one?
Distant cousin: turtle? (*he cracks up*)
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Thats turtally excellent, that joke.
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25 May 2005, 00:02
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#17
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Caveat Lector
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 3,038
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Re: German Sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nantoz
I see.
Haha.
It is stil better than the worst joke ever.
Me: Gee, what's the seventh wonder of the world again. I have six, but what's the last one?
Distant cousin: turtle? (*he cracks up*)
Me: sorry?
Cousin: you know, turle, like a joke (*chuckle*)
Me: a joke? does turtles mean something special to you? do you like them alot?
Cousin: no, i just said turle, you know. it's absurd, so it's funny.
Me: err. I don't get it.
Cousin: well. cracks me up. turtle, haha. like that could be the seventh wonder of the world.
Me: bangs head repeatedly against table.
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TURTLE OMG ROFL
no seriously, I feel your plight
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25 May 2005, 00:34
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#18
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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Re: German Sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMighty
Thats turtally excellent, that joke.
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only my apathy stops me from neg repping you for this truly awful pun
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lazy
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25 May 2005, 00:36
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#19
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 91
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Re: German Sex
I thought that was hilarious, i'm going to run off and tell all my cool backpacking friends!
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25 May 2005, 01:38
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#20
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3
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Re: German Sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil^
it made me smile. not quite giggle worthy tho.
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LOL Thats a good way to express how fun it was EXACTLY!
__________________
half full or half empty? Its just the way you look at it I suppose...
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25 May 2005, 09:48
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#21
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Love's Sweet Exile
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Living on a Stair (Now Sword-less)
Posts: 2,371
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Re: German Sex
That (the original joke) was rather good.
__________________
--SYMM--
Ba Ba Ti Ki Di Do
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25 May 2005, 09:56
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#22
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,174
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Re: German Sex
I dont get the turtle joke, either way its just shit...
__________________
If one person is in delusion, they're called insane.
If many people are in delusion, it's called a religion.
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25 May 2005, 10:21
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#23
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Registered Awesome Person
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,676
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Re: German Sex
After reading the first line of the joke, I immediately thought of the punchline and also: 'old'. But for everyone who hadn't heard it before, it's still a great joke
__________________
Finally free!
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25 May 2005, 10:43
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#24
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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Re: German Sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by sniborp
I dont get the turtle joke, either way its just shit...
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as far as i can tell there is no way of 'getting' it
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lazy
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25 May 2005, 10:45
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#25
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Insanely Insignificant
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Bournemouth
Posts: 1,056
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Re: German Sex
It's like that shitty 'Where's the soap joke?'
Only worse.
__________________
Very nearly there.
All is nothing, without you.
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25 May 2005, 11:09
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#26
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,290
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Re: German Sex
"a man goes around the corner and the bus is gone."
"two men meet on a bridge, the other one also has 5 €"
"whats the difference beween a raven?
both feet are of the same length, especially the right one"
"Whats green and jumps in the forest?
a pride of cucumbers"
and so on....
__________________
im not tolerant, i just dont care.
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25 May 2005, 11:11
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#27
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Twisted
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Down with the sickness
Posts: 2,484
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Re: German Sex
If we're doing bad jokes then.......
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A wooly jumper!
AHAHAHHHHAHAHAHA!
__________________
Me
In my sleep I grind my teeth.
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25 May 2005, 11:14
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#28
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Insanely Insignificant
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Bournemouth
Posts: 1,056
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Re: German Sex
I liked the cucumber one
__________________
Very nearly there.
All is nothing, without you.
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25 May 2005, 11:15
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#29
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NEWSBOT
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: The enby cave!
Posts: 4,872
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Re: German Sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarina_Joy
If we're doing bad jokes then.......
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A wooly jumper!
AHAHAHHHHAHAHAHA!
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thats not a bad joke!
Its just older than DM.
__________________
[20:27:47] <nodrog-aawy> **** i think my housemate just caught me masturbating
[11:25:32] <idimmu> you are a little piggy arent you
[13:17:00] <KaneED> i'm so closet i'm like narnia
__________________
Pretty parks and funky scrap metal things here
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25 May 2005, 11:31
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#30
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,290
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Re: German Sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phalon
I liked the cucumber one
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part 2:
"and where is the joke?
Cucumbers dont live in prides"
theres more:
"what is white and sits on a tree?
a refrigerator"
"what is white and stands behind a tree?
a shy milk"
__________________
im not tolerant, i just dont care.
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25 May 2005, 11:57
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#31
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Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
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Re: German Sex
Why didn't the emperor wear any clothes?
Because he was a penguin
I got that on a penguin bar
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25 May 2005, 11:58
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#32
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NEWSBOT
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: The enby cave!
Posts: 4,872
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Re: German Sex
oh dear.
__________________
[20:27:47] <nodrog-aawy> **** i think my housemate just caught me masturbating
[11:25:32] <idimmu> you are a little piggy arent you
[13:17:00] <KaneED> i'm so closet i'm like narnia
__________________
Pretty parks and funky scrap metal things here
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25 May 2005, 14:09
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#33
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________
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Somwhere I belong
Posts: 4,474
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Re: German Sex
Nice one Rids.
Made me smile.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by blink 182
Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Roller coaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time.
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25 May 2005, 17:33
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#34
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,174
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Re: German Sex
no twas not me :/
__________________
If one person is in delusion, they're called insane.
If many people are in delusion, it's called a religion.
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25 May 2005, 17:37
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#35
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I am.
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 6,580
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Re: German Sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ste
Why didn't the emperor wear any clothes?
Because he was a penguin
I got that on a penguin bar
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don't go to penguin bars
__________________
hi
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25 May 2005, 17:53
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#36
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Affectionate Nickname
Join Date: May 2002
Location: wigan
Posts: 206
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Re: German Sex
The Vorsprung Durch Teknik joke is on the closing credits of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Baralls - though it could be the uncut version only.
Just thought I'd throw that in there.
And yes, I know it was pointless. Thanks.
__________________
My posts represent me and me alone and have no connection to any of the communities I may or may not be involved in unless stated within my posts. Bints.
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25 May 2005, 17:55
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#37
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Vermin Supreme
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 3,280
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Re: German Sex
what's red and not there?
no tomatoes
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25 May 2005, 18:16
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#38
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,290
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Re: German Sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by acropolis
what's red and not there?
no tomatoes
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__________________
im not tolerant, i just dont care.
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25 May 2005, 18:27
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#39
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overtired
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 5,900
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Re: German Sex
I just read through a long list of bad jokes on 'a website', the best of which I've cut and pasted below
Quote:
A rabbi, a cowboy, and George W. Bush all get sucked into a wind turbine.
They died.
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Quote:
what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"where's my tractor?"
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Quote:
What's the ideal weight for Idimmu?
About two pounds, counting the urn.
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Quote:
A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night,
when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining", he said
to his wife.
"No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied. "No, I'm sure it
was just rain", he said.
Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument
about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they
saw a communist party official walking toward them.
"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade
Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing". As the official
approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it
officially raining or snowing?"
"It's raining, of course", he replied, and walked on. But the
woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man
quietly replied:
"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
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Quote:
Q: What's better than winning the gold at the Wheelchair Olympics?
A: Having legs that work.
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Quote:
AN old man goes to the doctor and says he wants to get some birth control for his 9 year old Granddaughter. The doctor asks "A 9 year old? Is she sexually active?" grandpa says "no, she lays there like her grandmother."
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Quote:
What's the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a ferrari in my garage.
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Quote:
Why is the space between a woman's tits and hips called a waist?
Because another pair of tits could easily fit there.
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Quote:
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they stink.
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25 May 2005, 19:38
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#40
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Careless talk costs lives
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Cardiff, UK
Posts: 170
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Re: German Sex
I approve
__________________
[19:13] <Keglomaniac> whats wrong with our intel?
[19:13] <bos|takeaway> its a contradiction in terms
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25 May 2005, 19:49
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#41
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Mr. Blobby
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Belgium
Posts: 8,271
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Re: German Sex
I'm hideously giggling at the Rudolph one
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25 May 2005, 21:19
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#42
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: German Sex
my mum sent me an email with this joke in at least 6 months ago, still, its new here, and it is funny
__________________
bastard bastard bastard bastard
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25 May 2005, 22:59
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#43
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J to the C to the A G E
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Scúnthorpe
Posts: 5,583
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Re: German Sex
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25 May 2005, 23:03
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#44
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Vermin Supreme
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 3,280
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Re: German Sex
i knew i got that from someone here.
comic genius out and out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by acropolis
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I hate negroes!
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does anyone else ever laugh at their old posts?
i'm sad for me
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25 May 2005, 23:58
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#45
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.
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 3,382
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Re: German Sex
a man with an orange head walks into a bar
the bartender asks him why he has an orange head
the reply was
"well, i found a genie in a bottle who allowed me three wishes,
firstly i chose to turn attractive to all females in the world.
it was done.
secondly, i requested to become a billionaire.
it was done.
...
for my final wish,
i asked for an orange head."
i cracked up laughing at this when david walliams was telling a group of journalists+a few tag alongs like myself at some photoshoot thingy
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26 May 2005, 00:06
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#46
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J to the C to the A G E
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Scúnthorpe
Posts: 5,583
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Re: German Sex
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26 May 2005, 00:28
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#47
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Vermin Supreme
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 3,280
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Re: German Sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by acropolis
me too.
i've been telling it to everyone for months, and have yet to see anyone laugh.
losing a few friends is a small price to pay.
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26 May 2005, 01:02
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#48
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Insanity Prawn Boy!
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: In a bush where you can't find me
Posts: 2,474
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Re: German Sex
aaaaahhhhh now i finally understand all these references to MrLs (in)famous Mugabe joke
__________________
They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We shall remember them.
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26 May 2005, 01:10
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#49
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Drink is Good
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,122
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Re: German Sex
What did the chicken say to the pinapple?
I want some pinapple.......
i dont know why but my friend made that up and it cracks me up everytime, probably for the shitness factor of it
__________________
Can we please have a moment of silence...........
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26 May 2005, 01:27
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#50
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Re: German Sex
A man walks into a Soviet Union, and they shoot him.
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