I snogged a female chav...

[pyirt]

She was entertaining and that, but I can`t believe I exchanged telephone numbers with her. What is going to happen next I wonder? (Answers here GD!) Am I going to regret this and.....





PS: I was a little pissed.

[Stew]

Now what happened that night you can't quite recall (huh)
Fact is boy, you can't remember at all (what?)
You woke up in the mornin' with a spinning head
And a teenage girl lyin' next to you in bed.
You kicked her out and then you slammed the door
Tried to forget about the night before
A month goes by, you can't remember the date
The girl's at your door sayin' "Boy I'm late!"

That's what you get for out-playin' the ho
And now you got a kid with a girl you don't know

[Nondescript Human]

Change your number.

[Blastoderm]

Nothing wrong with pulling a female chav if she was pretty in some way.

[Yahwe]

back in the day when i used to 'pull' such women we called them 'oiks'

[pyirt]

Originally Posted by Nondescript Human

Change your number.

[pyirt]

Originally Posted by Blastoderm

Nothing wrong with pulling a female chav if she was pretty in some way.

[1-X]

your avatar is pitifully small.

Have this (if you want to)

[Sarina_Joy]

Was she pretty? Was she interesting? Was she clean? How likely is it that she has an STD/I/WHATEVERTHE****ITSCALLEDTHESEDAYS? Do you have any desire to see her again? Was her name Michele or Chantelle? Are you secretly a chav? All these questions must be answered before I can advise.

[Snurx]

Start wearing Burberry!

[Weeks]

Damn it if you like her, and continue to like her, break down the social barriers brother. Break them asunder.

[ceres]

Originally Posted by Yahwe

back in the day when i used to 'pull' such women we called them 'oiks'

Back in the day when i used to 'pull' such women we called them prostitutes.
________
Medical Marijuana

[Radical Edward]

you have to pay for prostitutes, chavs are free.

[Vaio]

Originally Posted by Radical Edward

you have to pay for prostitutes, chavs are free.

You still pay, one way or another

~Vaio~

[Structural Integrity]

Originally Posted by Vaio

You still pay, one way or another

~Vaio~

I'd rather pay up front for the service than afterwards the alimentation.

[pyirt]

Originally Posted by Sarina_Joy

Was she pretty? Was she interesting? Was she clean? How likely is it that she has an STD/I/WHATEVERTHE****ITSCALLEDTHESEDAYS? Do you have any desire to see her again? Was her name Michele or Chantelle? Are you secretly a chav? All these questions must be answered before I can advise.

No. I am not a chav. Her name was LIsa. I was pissed. She used to work as one of the cleaners in my department a few months ago; since left; now running a cafe bar in North Street. Better money she says.

[demiGOD]

even after abundant definitions (from you guys) of what exactly a chav is, i'm still in the dark -

i still have no ****ing clue what a chav is!!

[steve]

just remember ~ if you can get it up get it in also if she bleeds she breaths so get down on her.

[Mr. Ed]

Originally Posted by demiGOD

even after abundant definitions (from you guys) of what exactly a chav is, i'm still in the dark -

i still have no ****ing clue what a chav is!!

Here is a loose definition
You may also find this site to be of use
Are you a chav?

[Treveler]

chav
Regional variations

charver, scalley, ned, chor.

A social underclass par excellence. The absolute dregs of modern civilization, each one a near clone in IQ (the lowest possible whilst still exhibiting brain stem function), attitude, diet, dress sense, uselessness, abusiveness and complete lack of any sense of decorum.

Likely to be found in congregations outside McDonalds, endlessly smoking cheap cigarettes whilst sporting burberry clothes, masses of cheap 9ct gold jewelry from Argos/Index, baseball caps worn at 90 degrees. Female chavs can be identified from their hair, invariably worn pulled back into the tightest possible configuration and secured with at least 5 "scrunchies".

Unable to converse in any high form of language and too lazy to communicate the limited vocabulary they have properly.

The only good chav is dead one. The only thing better than that is a mass grave full of dead chavs and a 24 hour work crew making way for more...
whodya think your'e lookin at? Ah'll batter ya, y' f***in' div!

(then runs to get older brother at first sign of trouble)

chav
a slag who is always pushing a buggy with screaming kids and she's swearing at them in a scrubby common accent, she will have a cigerette in her hand, she will have acne at 25, permed hair, herpes, will wear rings on every finger and a loads of cheap necklaces most common of these has a doll on it. they wear huge massive gold loop earing which they put their ankles behind when they are having sex so that their legs don't get tired.

chav
Emerging British subculture which is quickly becoming an epidemic. Chavs can be found the length and breadth of the country, hanging around any junk food outlet, off licence or just hanging around the streets, where they pass the time by vandalising property, drinking cheap cider, shouting abuse at passers by and terrorising old people.

Appearance: Chavs have a strict dress code. Designer labels are everything, although knocked off/fake items are almost de-rigeur. Typically, the male chav will wear a Nickelson or Schott hooded top, baggy tracksuit trousers, white designer trainers, and a baseball cap by burberry or Nike. The female chav (chavette) will have peroxide blonde hair scrunched so tight into a pony tail with colourful scrunchies that her forehead stretches. She will wear a dark blue tracksuit with white stripes, an enormous puffa jacket, hoop earrings, and white trainers. Female chavs are forbidden from wearing socks, and all chavs must wear as much fake gold jewellery as they can fit on their bodies. Mobiles are an added status symbol, and when equipped, the chav must shout into it in the most anti-social way possible, using at least one expletive and the word "innit" per second. Every other word in between should be unrecognisable to non-chavs.

Cars: Typically the Vauxhall Nova, but could include Ford Escort/Orion, Vauxhall Astra, and for chavs with "bling", even a totally shagged 3 series BMW. Whatever the type of car, it must have a spoiler shaped plank of MDF nailed to the back, 20" alloy wheels which rub on the wheel arches over every bump, a badly fitted bodykit (extra points for being able to see EXACTLY where the car ends and bodykit starts), a lairy paint job with runs in it, exhaust pipes the size of the space shuttle's booster nozzles, and blue LED's on the washer jets. Neon undercar lighting is also desirable.

Attitude: The chav's attitude depends heavily on the number of mates backing him up. If he's on his own, he'll skulk along anonymously. In numbers, he'll challenge anyone to anything.

chav
chav (noun)- 1 Anyone wearing any kind of burberry clothing 2 A youth usually, although not neccessarily in his or her teens who has an undying belief that they are the hardest and coolest individual to have ever walked this planet. The male chav is distinguishable by his birght colours and imitaion gold jewellry which he uses to attract chavettes (see next). Any eye contact will be met with a tirade of abuse assuming the chav is with his herd. 3 Chavette A female chav who is distinguishable by the use of earings resting on her shoulders, very innapropriate clothing, and a pram. Chavettes are very rarely seen on their own and prefer to hang around with the dominant chav in their herd, usually the father of their child. 4 Chavish the dialect of the chav. Believing that he is a bad boy gangsta rapper, the chav or chavette will converse with others in a secrect language. Scientists have been working for years on trying to decipher chavish but to no avail. Other than swear words that you will manage to pick out, you will not understand any of this tirade; simply assume its not pleasant and probably involves your parents and a dog. (see example)
ere dean wats that nigga lookin at-ee is ganna get a beatin-dere be blood on da floor man. oi faggot you startin or wha? yo mumma got banged up by ma dog hoe.

chav
Picture this a young lad about 12 years of age and 4 ½ feet high baseball cap at ninety degrees in a imitation addidas tracksuit, with trouser legs tucked into his socks (of course, is definitely the height of fashion). This lad is strutting around, fag in one hand jewellery al over the over, outside McDonalds acting as if he is 8 foot tall and built like a rugby player, when some poor unsuspecting adult (about 17/18) walks round the corner wanting to go to mcdonalds for his dinner glances at the young lad, the young lad jumps up in complete disgust and says “Whats your problem? Wanna make sommin of it? Bling Bling” when the adult starts to walk towards the young lad, the young lad pisses himself and runs off to either his pregnant 14-year-old girlfriend or his brother in the army crying his eyes out.
My mate has become a chav what can i do? answer is shoot him before it is too late

[zakoff]

first she will reveal that she is only 12 years old, when you thought she was 18 and then she will tell you she is pregnant. That is the Black magic of the Chavs - they only need human contact to become pregnant - thats a scietific fact.

You will also find that your wallet, mobile phone and shoe laces have all be stolen.

You are also likely to have a cold sore....

[demiGOD]

Originally Posted by Treveler

chav
Regional variations

charver, scalley, ned, chor.

A social underclass par excellence. The absolute dregs of modern civilization, each one a near clone in IQ (the lowest possible whilst still exhibiting brain stem function), attitude, diet, dress sense, uselessness, abusiveness and complete lack of any sense of decorum.

Likely to be found in congregations outside McDonalds, endlessly smoking cheap cigarettes whilst sporting burberry clothes, masses of cheap 9ct gold jewelry from Argos/Index, baseball caps worn at 90 degrees. Female chavs can be identified from their hair, invariably worn pulled back into the tightest possible configuration and secured with at least 5 "scrunchies".

Unable to converse in any high form of language and too lazy to communicate the limited vocabulary they have properly.

The only good chav is dead one. The only thing better than that is a mass grave full of dead chavs and a 24 hour work crew making way for more...
whodya think your'e lookin at? Ah'll batter ya, y' f***in' div!

(then runs to get older brother at first sign of trouble)

chav
a slag who is always pushing a buggy with screaming kids and she's swearing at them in a scrubby common accent, she will have a cigerette in her hand, she will have acne at 25, permed hair, herpes, will wear rings on every finger and a loads of cheap necklaces most common of these has a doll on it. they wear huge massive gold loop earing which they put their ankles behind when they are having sex so that their legs don't get tired.

chav
Emerging British subculture which is quickly becoming an epidemic. Chavs can be found the length and breadth of the country, hanging around any junk food outlet, off licence or just hanging around the streets, where they pass the time by vandalising property, drinking cheap cider, shouting abuse at passers by and terrorising old people.

Appearance: Chavs have a strict dress code. Designer labels are everything, although knocked off/fake items are almost de-rigeur. Typically, the male chav will wear a Nickelson or Schott hooded top, baggy tracksuit trousers, white designer trainers, and a baseball cap by burberry or Nike. The female chav (chavette) will have peroxide blonde hair scrunched so tight into a pony tail with colourful scrunchies that her forehead stretches. She will wear a dark blue tracksuit with white stripes, an enormous puffa jacket, hoop earrings, and white trainers. Female chavs are forbidden from wearing socks, and all chavs must wear as much fake gold jewellery as they can fit on their bodies. Mobiles are an added status symbol, and when equipped, the chav must shout into it in the most anti-social way possible, using at least one expletive and the word "innit" per second. Every other word in between should be unrecognisable to non-chavs.

Cars: Typically the Vauxhall Nova, but could include Ford Escort/Orion, Vauxhall Astra, and for chavs with "bling", even a totally shagged 3 series BMW. Whatever the type of car, it must have a spoiler shaped plank of MDF nailed to the back, 20" alloy wheels which rub on the wheel arches over every bump, a badly fitted bodykit (extra points for being able to see EXACTLY where the car ends and bodykit starts), a lairy paint job with runs in it, exhaust pipes the size of the space shuttle's booster nozzles, and blue LED's on the washer jets. Neon undercar lighting is also desirable.

Attitude: The chav's attitude depends heavily on the number of mates backing him up. If he's on his own, he'll skulk along anonymously. In numbers, he'll challenge anyone to anything.

chav
chav (noun)- 1 Anyone wearing any kind of burberry clothing 2 A youth usually, although not neccessarily in his or her teens who has an undying belief that they are the hardest and coolest individual to have ever walked this planet. The male chav is distinguishable by his birght colours and imitaion gold jewellry which he uses to attract chavettes (see next). Any eye contact will be met with a tirade of abuse assuming the chav is with his herd. 3 Chavette A female chav who is distinguishable by the use of earings resting on her shoulders, very innapropriate clothing, and a pram. Chavettes are very rarely seen on their own and prefer to hang around with the dominant chav in their herd, usually the father of their child. 4 Chavish the dialect of the chav. Believing that he is a bad boy gangsta rapper, the chav or chavette will converse with others in a secrect language. Scientists have been working for years on trying to decipher chavish but to no avail. Other than swear words that you will manage to pick out, you will not understand any of this tirade; simply assume its not pleasant and probably involves your parents and a dog. (see example)
ere dean wats that nigga lookin at-ee is ganna get a beatin-dere be blood on da floor man. oi faggot you startin or wha? yo mumma got banged up by ma dog hoe.

chav
Picture this a young lad about 12 years of age and 4 ½ feet high baseball cap at ninety degrees in a imitation addidas tracksuit, with trouser legs tucked into his socks (of course, is definitely the height of fashion). This lad is strutting around, fag in one hand jewellery al over the over, outside McDonalds acting as if he is 8 foot tall and built like a rugby player, when some poor unsuspecting adult (about 17/18) walks round the corner wanting to go to mcdonalds for his dinner glances at the young lad, the young lad jumps up in complete disgust and says “Whats your problem? Wanna make sommin of it? Bling Bling” when the adult starts to walk towards the young lad, the young lad pisses himself and runs off to either his pregnant 14-year-old girlfriend or his brother in the army crying his eyes out.
My mate has become a chav what can i do? answer is shoot him before it is too late

i have never -

EVER laughed so hard from any public internet forums as i have after reading this lol!!! this deserves a potw

*thanks for the information on chavs - very informative indeed!!

[MrL_JaKiri]

Originally Posted by demiGOD

i have never -

EVER laughed so hard from any public internet forums as i have after reading this lol!!! this deserves a potw

*thanks for the information on chavs - very informative indeed!!

Why does he deserve a PotW from just quoting this site wholesale?

Surely, potw should reward creativity?

Apologies, of course, should Treveler turn out to have written all of it, but that strikes me as unlikely.

[Treveler]

Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri

Why does he deserve a PotW from just quoting this site wholesale?

Surely, potw should reward creativity?

Apologies, of course, should Treveler turn out to have written all of it, but that strikes me as unlikely.

I have indeed just quoted that site. He asked for clearyfication and I just made a quick copy and paste from the urban dictionary before I went off to work. Hardly worth a potw nomination.

I should probably have pasted the link too. :eek:

[Rids]

There is nothing wrong with banging a female chav.

You have to look at it this way, they're easy. They require very little effort whatsoever, just fake promises to 'buy them stuff' and to take them out to fancy eating places, like TFI fridays, or Frankie and Bennys. You dont have to spend time having meaningful conversation, or worrying if they're going to put out. Take them to the cinema, get gnoshed off during the film, take her to the bogs after the film and get your end away. What could be better?

[Ste]

Originally Posted by Rids

What could be better?

Not getting some dodgy disease. And not getting your wallet stolen.

[Marilyn Manson]

Do these women even care if they get pregnant? All that means is another seat to be added to the already triple-seater pushchair for these people, surely.

[pig]

youre going to get cooties, but you might as well shag her.

[NEWSBOT3]

Originally Posted by Marilyn Manson

Do these women even care if they get pregnant? All that means is another seat to be added to the already triple-seater pushchair for these people, surely.

of course they care







its extra child benefit.

[Vaio]

Originally Posted by Rids

There is nothing wrong with banging a female chav.

You have to look at it this way, they're easy. They require very little effort whatsoever, just fake promises to 'buy them stuff' and to take them out to fancy eating places, like TFI fridays, or Frankie and Bennys. You dont have to spend time having meaningful conversation, or worrying if they're going to put out. Take them to the cinema, get gnoshed off during the film, take her to the bogs after the film and get your end away. What could be better?

A Trip to the Cinema - £25

A 3 pack of condoms - £2

Your mates NOT finding out. you shagged a chavette - Priceless

Your prescription for a special kind of itch - £6:95

~Vaio~

[demiGOD]

Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri

Why does he deserve a PotW from just quoting this site wholesale?

Surely, potw should reward creativity?

Apologies, of course, should Treveler turn out to have written all of it, but that strikes me as unlikely.

:eek:
indeed it was copied heh, the post just made me laugh so i thought i'd nominate it - anyway, it's already nominated - too late now, i guess..