[Kal'rek]

Hey, I took the time to read this chapter, its always good to read otehr peoples works.

I dont want to be rude but there were a few things i'd like to point out.
When i was reading it it felt more like i was reading a list of things that happened, not an engaging chain of events.
If you tried not to be too specific ie instead of "Two meters tall, about 115 kilos, and a giant Lasertec Mk V rifle kinda says ‘Security’" something more descriptive like "A large man tuned to a life of action brandishing his hulking Lasertec rifle."
And along these lines, try not to use too many brackets try to use semi-colons or hyphens (sp?) instead. and when expressing numbers write tehm as words (instead of $1,000 bill 70kg say, one thousand dollar bill and seventy kilos)

I am by no means attacking your work, these are all just my own opineons im just trying ot be constructivly critical, its always good to see a sci-fi writer out there =)
I like the idea and would like to know more.
Kal'rek