[Appocomaster]

Sorry, I'm going to have to cut in on your action Deepflow. It's irritating me too.

Originally Posted by milo

i write editors edit

pardon?

nondescript was to indicate the room had an anonymity within the building, it didn't stand out because society didn't want what happened there to stand out.

the girl isn't important its just another girl.

I wish I could say that about my relationships!

ok hes naked then

Very indecisive! You should have said something like "sometimes he uses his shoes to spank the worst ones for being naughty". Then he becomes a perverted and kinky paedophile.

i was writing it ad hoc,

Clearly!

im not an editor

Yet you said you were writing an editor's edit?

he sits 12ft away in a 12ft room, wtf is wrong with saying that? she wasn't thrown 6 ft into the bloody room!

Appoco loves maths!
A room is 12 foot long. Allowing for some space between the chair that Dace is sitting on and that Dace is facing the door, Dace's feet must be about 10 foot away from the door. It'd be far more realistic to say that she was ~8 foot away from him.

HES A ****ING PERVERT I DON'T KNOW WHY HES ONLY WEARING SHOES, IT ADDS TO THE WEIRDO ATMOSPHERE. Ever hear why tarantino put the hamburger conversation in pulp fiction?

No, but I'm sure you do.
I think the point that Deepflow is trying to make is that you were trying to emphasise too many things at once. Find a point to make and create a scene, but make sure all of the scene illustrates the point.

i added queerness because i liked it

Many people like queerness.

go **** a frog

your mind is drugged slow

You don't seem to react well to constructive criticism.

FERAL OMG YOU MADE A SPELLING MISTAKE, a feral groan is a groan of a feral nature.

That's a bit childish (and extremely poorly punctuated).

shes about to have horrible things done to her, her sense of reality is warped. It echoed endlessly.

You're just re-emphasising the point that SHE THOUGHT that the echo was endless.

your mother is terrible

and your mother must make your sandwiches for school each day.

Fear doesn't come from your stomach its an emotion thats described however the **** you want it to be. Her scream came from her stomach just like singers are taught to sing from deep in their stomach and not their throat. You stick your diaphram into it you ****.

Scientifically, the scream still came from her lungs. Singers are taught to sing "from their stomach" as they then learn to use the full expanse of their lungs and therefore can make a louder sound when singing, I guess.

Fear can be described however you want, but it's best described in ways people can relate to.