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Originally Posted by sniborp
I stapled my two thumbs together once.
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When I was a kid, my granddad thought it'd be fun to tell me to put my thumb in the desk stapler and then press down. I trusted him, clearly, why would he lie about there being no OHMY****ING GOD THERE'S A SHARD OF ****ING METAL RIGHT THROUGH MY ****ING NAIL. OH, OH, OH IT HURTS.
Then another time I was eating sausage and mash and was playing with the mash and mistook my middle finger for a sausage and put a fork through the nail and there was so much blooooooooood but seriously I'm less of a dumbass now.