[Dace]

It appears that these are testing times for Iraq’s former top pin up. In a shock announcement Doctor’s have revealed today that Saddam is now being fed through a tube inserted directly into his stomach.

“Anorexia, the curse and cause of so many careers, has now claimed another victim. Saddam Hussain, formerly a vibrant and outgoing sexagenarian, stopped eating on July 7th after his most recent public appearance. Following all reasonable attempts to persuade him to resume eating failed, surgery was deemed necessary.” Stated a hospital spokesperson.

A source close to the former dictator blames celebrity culture.

“When you’re in the public eye there’s a lot of pressure to look good. To look the best you can. Well not everybody can be born perfect and in Saddam’s case he had to fight for his looks. It’s just sad that he’s fought a little bit too hard this time.”

Although anorexia nervosa mainly affects girls or women, boys and men can suffer from it also. The cause of anorexia is unknown, although it is likely that both inherent biological factors and factors in the patient's social environment play a part. Puberty, deaths in the family and other life stresses are all believed to be potential triggers of anorexia.

A personal friend of Saddam’s, who wishes to remain nameless, relates what he believes brought on the illness.

“Saddam wasn’t number one any more. Everybody but Saddam himself could see it. He’s a confident guy and had probably been running off that confidence. When the statues of him were torn down he remained upbeat. When the mosaics showing his features, prominent in every town centre, were defaced he laughed it off. He figured it was just a blip. He’d been on top for so long that he was sure he’d rebound. Realisation that he might really be facing the fight of his career, a fight FOR his career, finally hit home though last month when he received a letter from Taha.”

Common knowledge amongst Saddam’s friends and family has it that Taha al-Zobai was Saddam’s number one fan. Saddam had received letters from Taha every day for years. Letters which extolled Saddam’s numerous virtues. Letters which praised Saddam’s many achievements. Crayon drawings of Taha with Saddam, their smiling faces almost as broad as the sheet on which they were crafted were often included.

“Receiving that letter probably broke Saddam. He probably realised that he’d have to do something drastic to get it all back.” Concluded his friend.

In his latest correspondence other sources report that Taha admitted that he’d been unfaithful. “[He was] growing up and, you know, I think I just like Lindsay Lohan more now.”

Speculation is now rife that Saddam believes he lost Taha because that talentless bitch is thinner.

Although the disease may persist for years Doctor’s remain confident that Saddam’s anorexia will be cured by the end of August.