MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

The other day I was happily browsing through my local newspaper/carpet-furniture warehouse trade paper, when I was startled to come across an article of personal interest.

It was a sort of mini-article really.

I can’t even remember what it was about, fundamentally.

What I do remember is that it featured a chap I used to be at school with.

He is called Scott. He is a lovely chap. You could never dislike Scott. But what piqued my interest was that he was pictured holding his daughter. She was reported as being eighteen months old. Eighteen months. He was also reported as having a wife.

**** me.

Up until this point I didn’t know Scott was in a serious relationship, much less had a child and a wife. I had seen him on a social basis last about a year ago and this subject had never come up. I knew he had a good job as an archivist, but that was it.

As I say, **** me.

I don’t think I can really convey how much of a shock this was to me. It was an emotional cluster**** of epic proportions. Here I was, a jobless, prospectless, loveless, batshit-insane ex-coke fiend and here were other people who I knew well from early adolescence onwards going about their business, becoming mature members of society and actually nurturing offspring. It didn’t seem right. It didn’t seem proper. I was thrown into a mire of self-doubt. What the **** was I doing with my life? I was, in short, utterly head****ed. I was as head****ed as if Mukhtar Safarov had inserted his penis into my ear and pushed it all the way in until it touched my brain.

Yep. I had ****ed up my life in grandiose fashion. This wasn’t how it was supposed to turn out. Something had gone wrong. At some point I’d diverged from a more or less normal existence and into the sort of life where you feel it’s utterly normal to swear at strangers and have animated conversations with yourself in public situations. The sort of life where you regularly find yourself drinking large amounts of alcohol before noon. And not wine or G + T’s or anything like that. No. I mean the sort of stuff that is produced when you ask the barman “What’s the strongest stuff you’ve got for two pounds forty?“ I clenched the top of my skull and tried to pull my scalp over my face.

I felt very old all of a sudden. I was, after all, on the cusp of being half-way to thirty. A fogey. And what did I have to show for it? The princely sum of precisely ****-all, that’s what.

Then came the realisation: it was the answer. It was so clear to me: go out clubbing and get utterly ****ing muntered out of your skull.

Which indeed I promptly did.

I know I will come under withering personal attack for having the sheer chutzpah to expose my intimate thoughts and emotions on GD, but who honestly gives a ****? We spend our entire lives alone and we die alone. That’s the top and bottom of it. It’s not true that life’s a bitch. You’re life’s bitch.

So, in conclusion: bottles of the much-acclaimed alcopop 'Wee Beastie' are very good for dulling the crashing pain of an alienated existence in a godless universe and **** you, you cynical sour-faced soulless bastards.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

First of all, thanks for opening up and sharing your heart MM, you touched me.

Secondly, when typing this out did you have to think really hard about which parts to enbolden and italicise?

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

Did you only come to this conclusion when you read that article? Never thought about that at all before that?
If you're 25 (I do suspect you're 25 and not 15 when you say you're half way to thirty) you still got lots of time, I tell you this because I'm 23 and I worry about the same thing you do. :( We can lie to eachother telling ourselves everything will be alright!

Anyway maybe this will cheer you up:
I have a 39 year old friend, that's not unnattractive and very social in dealing with people, that still lives with his parents and works for his dad. Marriage and children will probably never happen for him and he seems okay with this.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

Thanks hunny bun.

I am the only person who has ever posted on this forum, other than Dace, who has used bold and italics as God intended them to be used.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

At least you're not a hedhodge

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

I'd thought about the pointlessness of my own existence a lot, just not in relation to my peers, I suppose.

A gold star is for you!

Yes lets!

Yeah. Always nice to know there's someone in the shit more than you.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

Margaret Hodge ****ed a hedgehog now? :confused:

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

It's the only reason why I like to meet other people. Nice to meet you, by the way.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

It was in all the colour supplements

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

I'm on a word for the day email-list for retarded expressions, phrases, etc. A month before my 25th birthday (oh so many years ago) the word-phrase for the day was :

3. quarter life crisis
The psychological strain that is encountered on one's 25th birthday. Subject often realizes that he/she has lived a quarter century and still hasn't done anything consequential.

Also, your previous cocaine use (that was you, wasn't it?) has probably ruined what little ability you had to find joy/excitement in the simple things. Don't worry, I'm the same. Going through life with a general sense of disdain get's me by fine.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

I haven't even take cocaine and I go through my life with a general sense of disdain what hope is there for me? :(

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

You should probably take some cocaine then KaneED (cokaneED).



There's always going to be people in an enviable position of life to you MM. I'm jealous of quite a few of my friends for the jobs they have or the places they live or whatever. That won't change however hard you strive to become a better person. It's a psychological version of "keeping up with the Joneses".

Instead, you should probably make excuses for why your life is pretty crappy (I use "cancer"! but i don't think you could). Didn't you have to look after your dad pretty much 24/7 for ages? Reassure yourself with nice, plausible excuses.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

I also got sort of depressed when I turned 25. Don't worry, you will most likely get over it after a week.

But remember, that nobody else can run your own life for you. Now go get a job or do something useful, aye!

I turned 28 today, and Im now cool with it.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

Isn't being depressed and getting over it after week likely not to be related to depression at all?

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

i believe that's called feeling down, not necessarily related to the down syndrome, rather than depressed

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

I'm nearly 25 and I'm not depressed.

I still feel young...



Also - MM, you didn't invite me out for a drink :( or reply to my text :(

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

i don't even have a dukedom :(

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

I had never heard that Mukhtar was that well endowed.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

Never settle for anything less than you deserve.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

Yeah, you can find plenty of kids just running wild in parks.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

I feel short-changed.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

I didn't get no text. My fhones fhucked recently, so that might be it. I'm PMing you my new number so you can keep it safe close to your heart.

Lord no. But for people who do, having them is clearly seen as 'progression' and 'an achievement.'

Do a google image search for his name and you will realise the strength of your former ignorance.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

scrubs.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

T&F advocates relationship/partner capitalism

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

The discovery that one of my long time school friends had gotten married, had a baby was a shock at first. Moreso because he didn't seem likely to be getting involved in many relationships let alone full blown marriage.

Later other people I know followed suite, but as much as I'd like to believe they found their one true love so early in life I am more inclined to think the circumstances of their marriages were a little less fairy-tale (ie knocked her up so I better marry her).

Once again I'm only too happy for them if they really are at that apex in their lives, but for the most part they are poor (maxed out C/C debts and loans), constantly stressed, have no social life and spend whatever spare time they do indulge in boozing their life away.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

This happened to some of my old school friend when I was 16.

Well, except for the marriage bit.

Re: MM's Mid-Life Crisis
 

got

you're not american darling