Sexual encounters
 

Well to be honest, this happened to me when i was 16 and my friends said it could only ever happen to me. So i thought id give it a go and see if anyone else has had an similar discomfort with the opposit sex.

The place: Tenerife, Hotel Bedroom

My friend (who is a near god with the opposit sex) has just randomly walked in with 2 girls on his arm. I had left the club early as my poor ability to talk to the opposit sex was gleaming as always. He then threw one onto my bed and said "Shes yours" naturally i went bright red but she climbed in anyway (classy.) We then start kissing and she starts to suck me off, which was a bonus as id never had a BJ before (Oh, also, im still a virgin at this point). Before long shes as moist as a tubb of vaseline.. she then gets on top..

Here it comes the moment im losing my virginity. I can almost feel me penetrating her when... Jon (my friend) walks in with a camera and shouts "BENS NOT A VIRGIN". i see this GIANT flash, get scared, i jump up.. headbutt the girl and break her nose. blood everywhere. its safe to say i didnt lose my virginity that holiday.

anyone similar? :/

Re: Sexual encounters
 

That's unlucky, but bloody funny lol

Re: Sexual encounters
 

Physically abusing women unconsensually during sex turns you on does it?! What kind of SICK SEXUAL DEVIANT are you???

Re: Sexual encounters
 

also: opposite

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Re: Sexual encounters
 

Re: Sexual encounters
 

Dace would pretty much win this contest.*




*I genuinely miss his stories :(

Re: Sexual encounters
 

I heard there were supposed to be some blood when you popped the cherry.

Re: Sexual encounters
 

Omg, i hate jon. :(

asl?

Re: Sexual encounters
 

this thread gets my :up:

on par with some of muslims antics

Re: Sexual encounters
 

On reading the headbutting part I managed to spit at my workplace screen through the intense urge to laugh. On the plus side though you can now legitimately use the sentence "The closest I've ever been to girl is when I accidentally headbutted one unconscious in Tenerife." You probably shouldn't hang around people like Jon - horn however comes highly recommended.

Funniest thread in a while.

[edit: I meant Jon, not yourself, you should probably hang around with yourself in retrospect]

Re: Sexual encounters
 

Fleshlight :confused:

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It's like an inverted dildo.

Re: Sexual encounters
 

It's naughty though. I had one of those in my group's banner in one of these online space games, and even if I pretended it's a fabled interceptor, I nearly got banned for it. It wasn't even a fleshlight with a ...., it was a fleshlight with a mouth.

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How disturbing.

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Well, to be honest, it does look more like a bad sci-fi movie spacecraft (with a mouth) than a sextoy.

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Wow, never heard of one. Im not really into kinky sex games. especially ones that involve me put something battery operated on my penis :(

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Garbage disposers (or whatever you call those things Americans use to grind their trash) operate on wire electricity, right?

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Gooooooooooooooooooooogle.






try it

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It does disturb me, the amount furball knows about odd/fetish sexual activities :(

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Good thing i didnt, fs. Im at work.

I can just imagen my bosses face when he does a track to see what ive been searching for..

"Fleshlight.. hmm i wont what this is."

Re: Sexual encounters
 

A flashlight with an anus/vagina/mouth. The other day, the guys at the office were wondering what the word for that rear-end-spreading sex-sort-of-sick thing was. I can only imagine the look on some geek's face as he checks the history and sees google searches for miscellanelous anal related activity.

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Although I did know what one is, is it seriously that hard to google/wiki things you don't know?

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Your boss checks your search history? :(

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I.T check our entire Internet browsing history. Where is the trust :o

:salute:

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That's terrible if it's true.

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Long story with an ex-employee.

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haha isnt that the truth, also they removed the cookie erasor:( also im pretty much going to rip you about this now everytime i see you

Re: Sexual encounters
 

Long stories is what GD is about, innit? Shoot!

Re: Sexual encounters
 

i have a story for you....

was having sex missionary style with an ex and she was wrapping her legs around me very very tightly - it was starting to hurt as she was digging into my sides (which was also hurting my stomach) but it was a pleasure-pain thing so i... 'kept going'...

she has hypermobile syndrome (her joints 'pop-out' and crack loudly very often) and i heard this huge crack as her hip popped out or something, she put more pressure on my stomach and i threw up all over the floor (she's lucky i had time to turn my head). then we had to get to A&E and make sure she hadn't broken anything.

recap... sex - wrap - ache - pop - chuck - hospital

wasn't that much fun :-P

Re: Sexual encounters
 

That really doesn't compare to Tucker Max, now theres a man who knows how to botch up a sex attempt.

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tucker max also knows how to make shit up

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Says you.


None of us can say whether it happened or not, because none of us were there. Just like I can't say none of these stories people have posted here never happened.

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Literally!

Cue laughter.

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I have some dire memories. It was a hell of a laugh, real or not. There's two I remember, one where he used too much lube on a rear end attempt which ended up with a lot of poo involved, then another one when he was at some hotel pooping all over the place, oh, yeah, and a third one, when he made skit marks on a white sofa while getting blown.

Is it that all his stories are somehow related to poo or do I just have an issue?

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apart from kila's acne story!

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Most of that stuff is so insane it has to be real. If it is made up the man is a genius.. either way win/win.

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My first time I was unable to ejaculate. After 45 minutes the girl said she was sore and wanted to quit and then went to sleep.

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Hah, she should've been happy you kept it up for so long. :(