[E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

"you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

- Homer (Simpson)



... and carriage after carriage continues to pile into the train wreck that is my love life



Anyways, not eating all day and then going drinking is never a good idea.

I'm not particularly bright with regards to alcohol so i guess i could maybe be forgiven for making that mistake.

Maybe.



Met Laura at 7.

She leaned in for mutual kisses on the cheek as soon as i arrived.

I took this as a good sign.



Went to the Bier Halle Republic

Stayed there till closing (at 12).

Her last train was at 23:12 (i checked before i met her) but she never mentioned going for it.

Chat seemed to be fine we were sitting close together.

She used my mobile a couple of times (as her coverage was shit) out of my view (which i was a bit :hmmmmmm: about but nevermind).



Left the Bier Halle and went to Frankenstein's (at her suggestions).

Stayed there till closing again.

It's in Frankensteins that things went kinda ... "bad".



Now there are two options.

Option 1.) The two girls were her friends and she pretended that she didnt know them.

Option 2.) The two girls were lesbians.



One of the girls kept on trying to drag Laura over to their table.

One of the girls kept on pestering Laura to dance with her.

One of the girls ended up dancing with Laura.

Laura, not me.

I was at no point in this situation part of the equation.

At a couple of points Laura disappeared for a while with one of the girls.



Anyways my memory is kinda hazy towards the end of the night.

I can remember putting her in a taxi.

I'm not sure how angry* i appeared to her i mean i was trying to restrain myself but "who knows".



I went and got something to eat.

I got a can of Irn bru.

After finishing my food i went looking for a taxi.

I was very pissed off especially when no taxi's seemed to be about.

VERY pissed off.



So, so, so, so, soooooooooooooooooooooooo.

So anyways.

With a pretty full can of juice as i was passing an iron spike railing i thought "**** it" and smashed the can down with a fair amount of force on the railing to leave the squewered can as a testament to my manly anger ....



... only the can skited out of my hand which lead to ...



... me absolutely ****ing my hand off the spike.

Blood was pissing everywhere.

A nice deep, deep gash**.



3 hours in casualty and my phone died after a minute of me getting there.

I wasnt actually going to be treated after 3 hours.

After an hour or two i was placed in a "booth".

At the 3 hour mark i'd had enough and asked a nurse where the exit was.

They basically went "you need your tetnus jab, you shouldn't leave, give me a min"

So i got seen to** (took to Doctor like 15 seconds to examine my hand then the nurse treated the wound / gave me my jab).

When they cleaned the blood away i could see the white of a bit of fat in the wound.




I got home about half six charged my phoned texted the girl asking if she got home ok and haven't heard anything since.


THE END






*don't question it ... it seemed to me that ANOTHER ****ING GIRL was hitting on my date and she was playing along which fair play prolly makes me a jealous type of person but i didnt think i was asking for too much ON A ****ING FIRST DATE!


** dont even bother

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

ouch :(

I doubt anyone has worse luck then you when it comes to love-life.

and it started off so well too.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Ohhh btw we kissed (properly) whilst in Frankenstein's.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

it's only a hand, you have a spare.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

What about

(c) The girls were friends of hers but she wanted to spend time with you which is the reason she looked reluctant and stuff

?

Glass is half full etc

It didn't go that badly (except for the angry injury) really - I mean you spent the majority of the night together. And you got a kiss :up:

1. Did she try to dance with you? (maybe she LOVES dancing but you didnt dance with her so she danced with her friends)
2. Do you have any idea who she was texting/phoning?
3. Did you ask her who these girls were or just assume they were lesbians/friends?

:(

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

"Hi, I'd love to come over and talk to you but I'm out with someone else just now, I'll speak to you tomorrow"

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

1. She did and i did for quite a while (i am the suck at dancing unless im really in the mood and i wasn't last night ...)

2. Their number is on my phone but other than that no ("a friend").

3. Like i said i was a touch drunk by the end of the night im pretty sure i asked if she knew them and im pretty sure she said she didn't know them (they way they acted suggested to me that they didnt know her ... which by extension and possibly false logic makes them lesbians)

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

There is that too.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

I'm surprised you've not phoned this number pretending to be an Indian window salesman.

Anyway, the whole thing sounds OK as Tom says (aside from the hand incident).

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Maybe you were just being a drunken wanker and she wanted to get away from you.

I thought we all agreed that you werent going to drink too much on dates any more.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Finding out who she called doesn't really change anything so i decided not to bother.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

You try drinking for 8 hours without ending up drunk.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

You buy the drinks. You get less/non alcoholic beverages and she's none the wiser that you're a screaming nancy boy.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

I thought about it.

I was gonna do it too.

Then as i was about to give my order the bartender looked at me LIKE HE ****ING KNEW MAN, he knew and he was disgusted so i decided against it.



Anyways it was table service for most of the night in the Bier Halle *shrug*

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

As long as saving face with the bartender, as opposed to your date, in the long run, gives you more likelihood of actually getting anywhere then your plan is fine!

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Obviously you need to go to skankier establishments.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Yes, because it's a well known fact that drunk girls always listen to requests like that!

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Then maybe he shouldnt date unassertive people who associate with morons.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

This is why Dace should return to giving oral relief in Bennetts for five quid a pop*.

Its not love, but at least its stable.
































*this is of course based purely on hearsay, and the fact Dace mentioned Bennetts in the very first conversation we had, indicating he has a somewhat thorough knowledge of said establishment.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

You drink diet coke, and say its jack daniels.

Other than that, I think you should try going on a date and not drinking, because there might be bits of the night you forget about and these may the reasons for women being mean to you :(

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

So you're saying he should consider becoming a homosexual?

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

If only you had a kind and caring friend who would have rung you up and advised you to induce vomitting to get the alcohol out of your stomach (having already checked that you had chewing gum to get rid of any smell) and then advidised you to just drink soft drinks.

Oh if only you had such a wonderful friend!!

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Okay Daceyboy listen. I'll put it to you in a few steps.


1) Learn. For ****s sake dude. Learn!
2) Don't get hammered. That is, if you are having plans for later... If you just like the nights out tits-up and love walking home alone for once, or if you are with blokes, sure, get hammered. Maybe getting hammered is not a recipe for chicks running off but even IF they would bed you they'll probably not call back later fo' mo', given the stuff that goes on with limp cocks and vomit and not being able to pronounce half of the shit you're saying.
3) Repeat point 1). Just to be sure. Point two was pretty important you know.
4) You seem somewhat paranoid to me sometimes. Not to slag you off but for you the world is just filled with homos (yeah okay you are right) and lesbians, and your mind takes you on a trip all the ****ing time. Of most of your stories of failed nights out I kind of remember shit going tits-up because you 'assumed' (play S. Jackson ass-you-me- sample) half of the stuff going on to be headed in some direction that was not yours at that time.
5) Be clear. If people want my phone they'd better tell me what for and with who. They are not to remove any sent message from the phone at clear hazard of being hit in the face with a barstool. Ask what the hell is going on. It's not that hard. Pronounce, 'Hey baby, what's going on here with this?' If you have cleared point two it'll actually maybe all start making sense.
6) This is getting a long ass piece of text here, y'all.
7) If they are not clear on point five, make a pass at any bird there and see what goes on next. It may suddenly be clear cut. Progress night from there with bird a, b, c or d. Or get hammered.
8) Repeat one.

So. It's either this or get a facelift and look like the Hoff.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Lesbians, someone elses tangled lovelife and alcohol.Everything a good story needs.

Can we have more guns next time though Dace ?

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

The stories lack cars as well. Any good story involves a car sooner or later.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

You know, you're right.

If there had been a part that went something along the lines of:

So I pulled out my magnum and took the 1st lesbian with a headshot that plastered her brains over the wall and ceiling. The 2nd ran for the exit and quickly jumped in a parked taxi. Without a 2nd thought I diving in the one behind and uttered the immortal words 'Follow that car'.
We drove down the main road hitting 85mph. The driver of the taxi in front was weaving all over the road while I took pot shots at his car. Usually I can hit the tyres at 60ft but Laura was distracting me by sucking on my knob.

it could have been Pulitzer material.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Do you really believe there is significant four-way overlap in the Venn diagram with circles for:
A) Assertive people
B) People who don't associate with morons
C) People* with a modicum of physical attractiveness
D) People who would go out with Dace
?

*Females

I don't think you should cut out the drinking on dates. You want to date someone who you will be able 'to go out with', which basically means women who can stand you when you're drunk. Maybe you should set up a camera to tape your date so you can see what went wrong the next day. Kind of like the black box on jets.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

You, sir, rock. :)

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

NO, because:

1) You want to ****. Not 'go out with', you want someone to seriously **** you, clearly ffs etc.
2) you are normally not drunk.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Mother of god man don't drink so much. Even if you're some sort of raging alcoholic (like me) you should be up to putting the glass up to your mouth and not drinking every once in a while just so you remain sober enough to not make some sort of horrid mess of yourself and **** up the best chance at sex you've had in months (years?). Inducing vomitting is the other option, it's a pretty safe option for sobering up or avoiding a crippling hangover when you have absolutely no other choice.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

I read that post whilst imagining jonny as the jolly green giant grooming a gollumesq version of dace.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

i must have acted better than i remember cause im now seeing her again tomorrow afternoon :confused:

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

ALSO there was a car in my story!!!

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Everyone loves a drunken wanker.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

how are you going to explain the gash on your hand to her then?

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

He was fighting crime.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

damn tootin'

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

I've told her i hurt it on the way home *shrug*





Best suggestion gets told if i'm asked for details tomorrow (Dante is obviously winning by default atm).

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Tell her you were beating up a black man and you cut your hand on his fried chicken.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Do you think she'll think i'm racist if i say that tho?

<Me> Yeah, so i was beating up a black man and i cut my hand on his fried chicken.

<Her> You're so racist!

<Me> But all those n*ggers eat really is fried chicken! It's not racist - it's FACT!

etc

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

How about

<Dace> Some black guy was beating up a Paki and I had to help

,Laura> Ooh, my hero

<Dace> Yeah, I couldn't work out which one to beat up first so I stuck my hand through a railing.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Women can be racist too.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

oh yes . admitting it could bring your relationship to a complete new level of communication and understanding :>

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

This is a sad tale on so many levels. But the main ones that his home is that you were left unsatisfied by your date of the night and, having lacerated your hand, the other part of your love life was also rendered unavailable.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

yeah but when a woman's racist it's sexy

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

I contemplated mentioning this earlier but decided not to clutter my story with too many facts.

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

Seriously, did you **** up that bad on purpose?

Re: [E/N] "Viewers of a nervous disposition are advised to look away ... now"
 

No , hes not Robert Pires :D