I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
Now I was wondering if GD can offer me some advice.
Firstly she doesnt know I know, but my girlfriend is pretty worried about her as she showed off her new wounds in the ladies, at a nightclub on monday night. Now I would like to know a few things. Firstly If I approach her about it, would it make her do it more? Secondly what makes people cut themselves? Finally should I tell her family/doctor/sister etc? Shes quite a good friend id say, but she has her issues. Most of them are to do with relationships. But my gf whos friends with her too isnt too sure what we should do, if anything. |
Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
Cut her throat and tell her it's the logical conclusion.
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Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
My ex-girlfriend used to cut herself and was very shy and insecure about it all.
Most people didn't know she did it - it showed up more when she had a suntan. My ex-housemate also used to cut herself and was also shy and didn't like to talk about it with most people. I remember a particularly enjoyable evening when she came back pissed as a fart, cut herself and it bled everywhere. Calling an ambulance while she's screaming at the foot of the stairs and bleeding everywhere is :cool: Anyway - based on my somewhat limited experience I wouldn't talk to her about it. It isn't your business and she won't appreciate it. Noone "knows" why people cut themselves. It's supposedly a way of getting stress of out your system (by diverting the pain, so to speak). It can also be a cry for help, or some form of attention seeking. Some people supposedly just like the adrenaline rush you get with the pain of it. Anyway - this is often caused by more deep-rooted problems (depression or more severe mental disorders). In which case it would be a good idea to go to a doctor. But she has to accept that it isn't a good thing first. And "showing it off in the ladies" doesn't sound like she knows that. It sounds like she's a ****ing idiot to me. But again - it isn't your concern or business, so don't take a leading hand in it. It'll lead to animosity and bad feeling. And you won't be helping anything. |
Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
Is she arab?
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Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
You could hide her knife.
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nah indian, my gf was horrified when she saw it (whos an A rab)
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Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
Dont ask her about the cutting, but see what you can do for her.
PS, if she wants to cut, let her, im not sure i see the point in stopping her. (I read an article recently that suggested stopping people committing suicide or self harming is immoral, which swayed me somewhat) This isnt to say dont care with her, but go to the root of the problem, not all the external guff |
Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
don't bother doing/saying anything (is my honest advice)
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Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
foreigners eh?
gotta love em |
Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
well thanks guys i wont do anything
can you cut this thread up mods and delete it ;o |
Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
Actually, on a serious note, YOU KNOW THE NAME AND LOCATION OF AN EMOTIONALLY INSECURE GIRL?!
Sharing's caring. Remember that Pig ... SHARING IS CARING! |
Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
shes in the room next door to me
right now watching tv |
Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
I'd personally talk to her about it. but not in a judgemental way. the fact that she shows the cuts off to other people suggests its more of a cry for help than a simple coping mechanism.
but then i do like to try and help people. (or maybe interfere? i dont know) as has been said above, its normally a symptom of a larger problem, and as such isn't an issue in itself (provided she is using clean blades and not going too deep etc). Getting her to seek help about the causes of her behaviour may eventually help stop the behaviour. there is a lot of information available online about self harm if you wish to educate yourself on it further |
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Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
Tell her to cut it out, it's not big and it's not cleaver!
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Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
My feeling is though that if I do anything it could just make it worse. Those who truly care about her ie her best friend and parents must know about as she wears sleveless tops. With this in mind I feel I should stay out of it. I could make her feel worse. Not only that theres two weeks left of term, im not too sure I want to be the person who has to be responsible for making sure she sorts herself out. I mean I have problems and stuff, and better friends who have issues as well, does it make me a bad person? Probably, infact yes.
Anyway ill have a chat with my girlfriend tomoz and we can see... |
Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
If her parents cant fail to put two and two together, then its not your problem or your place to do anything about it, im afraid. Maybe you could make sure her parents know, but be prepared for her anger and the fact you may no longer be friends afterwards :(
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maybe she could hang herself from a hook instead. STOP TRYING TO RECRUIT YO |
Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
I don't know whether you should talk to her about it, but maybe consider where it might lead if no one offers her any help or a way to get or an avenue for expressing her feelings.
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Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
I reccomend suggesting a design if shes going about showing it to folk...
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Most of us self-harm in some fashion, it's just this is a different approach from the 'norm'. |
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I'm genuinely curious here, I don't think I know anyone who does cut themselves so I'm unaware of how they think about it. |
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No matter how noble your motive, I would appreciate it if you didn't pervert logic. |
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If people genuinely wanted to do (permanent) damage to themselves why not just chop off their fingers? Why do it in an area which heals reasonably well, where they can do it again and again? Quote:
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Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
Like T&F and Dante said, as long as it's just cutting the surface of the skin, it really isn't doing her any harm (as long as she's using clean knives).
Just make sure she doesn't do it when completely pissed, like my housemate :down:. I'm sure there's oogles of sites out there more qualified to answer your question than us anyway pig. If you really want to help, maybe get some information from one of them, print it off and give it to her with an "just thought you might want to read this" comment. |
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Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
JBG: depends on the person itself and his/her scenario etc
self-harm is usually i find, to alleviate some guilt/responsibility and so forth - make yourself feel in control, similar to the psychological natures of bulimia. talking to her or not depends on the person itself and what you may think caused it, if it seems extremely serious and she is almost hopeless then i'd probably intervene and offer a shoulder to cry on and/or someone to always let feelings out to. however, if it's something she needs to do to keep in control of certain things, then it's most likely that it won't ever venture into real harm and it's something more deep-rooted (ie family forcing her into x and y, etc) but i'm not really too sure how to deal with that, as it branches off into a whole new level of involvement. |
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Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
She'll grow out of it.
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Self harmers rarely kill themselves. The cutting is more like a ritual to relieve stress/tension etc., but it can also double as a way of self punishment. It is usually a sign of deep emotional distress and tends to be linked with depression, and sometimes even schizophrenia.
I would really advise against trying to confront her about it, she needs therapy and/or medication. Unless you love this person dearly, you really do not want to get emotionally involved. Plenty of people here have said "leave it be", that is not a very humane thing to do either; I would tell her sister. If it has been going on for a long time, then her family might know, but then again, they might not... |
Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
an ex of mine cut herself...
oh and the 17 yr old i'm meetingon saturday used to cut herself in the past as well. It's actually worryingly common. But no, don't bring it up with her. |
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And as people have said above me no-one really knows totally why people do it, although the amount of people who do it is increasing (fairly significiently I believe), and I don't think anyone really knows why. I don't really think there's one correct answer eg (addiction to chemicals produced/relief of stress/attention seeking/crying out for help). But whatever the reason I think as TomKat said the first step is for her to realise that it's not good, and she seems like she's quite a way off that. |
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As pig said, he does have problems on his own, and by confronting her he risks being "drawn" into her problems. She could be alienated by him approaching her, but he also risks having her show up at his doorstep the next time she cuts herself :( |
Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
I'd perhaps worry a little about the cause. I don't think it likely that most people cut themselves primarily for the 'pleasure' of it, although it might eventually become addictive.
To be honest, I wouldn't confront her unless it was someone I knew really well. |
Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
chicks dig scars dude
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Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
My reason for saying you should talk to her about it is that she's likely to be embarrassed about the scars when she gets older. As someone said above, she is likely to grow out of it....self-harm is generally a teenage/early 20's 'passtime' (although some people do still do it in adulthood, most famously brought to media attention by princess Di).
One of the most frequent questions I get asked about body modification is how to remove self-harm scars, or whether they can be covered with a tattoo, or disguised by a 'proper' scarification piece. The problem is, at the time, cutting provides an instant relief to current emotional pain, and as such, people doing it are very unlikely to be thinking of the future implications of their actions.....but when it gets to the future, many people wish they no longer had the scars, however helpful the act of cutting itself was to them at the time. You'll probably have a hard time convincing her that it's not a positive behaviour, as people who cut often have very skewed views about it (which is hardly surprising, given that it is often a symptom of depression, which completely ****s up your perspective). A good example of this is this column http://www.bmezine.com/news/guest/20031030-cora.html (WARNING: link contains images some people might find disturbing) written by a friend of mine. At the time he wrote it, he was under the illusion that he was a transsexual, and was taking oestrogen. Since realising that trying to change his gender wasn't what he really wanted, he has said this: "My views on the topic have inverted themselves, and have given way to a massive confirmation of a very old theory of mine, namely that estrogen makes you batshit ****ing nuts." In my opinion most of the opinions expressed in the column are complete bollocks, but due to his mental state at the time, he really believed everything he said. Rather than trying to stop her, I really think you should try and talk to her about it and get her to seek help for the underlying problem...or if you don't feel close enough to her yourself, get one of her closer friends to do it. As I said before, the fact that she shows off the scars makes me truly think that she is doing it at least in part as a cry for help. Most self-harmers who do it purely as a release/control mechanism are very secretive about it. DON'T tell her family though, they are likely to be very worried and see the behaviour itself as the problem, rather than a symptom of something more deeply rooted. |
Re: I have a friend (shock horror) who cuts herself
I agree with everything you said T&F... my primary reason for saying in this case I would say something is that she SHOWED people the cuts. That is almost certainly a cry for help, and I'm one of those people who finds it very hard to just stand back and let people get on with self-destructive behaviour.
There are three people out there walking around now who would be dead if it wasn't for me (suicide attempts where i called 999 even when i was told not to). And all of them have since thanked me for it. This is what makes me think intervening in some situations is ok. |
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