It's not always easy
 

Im having a friend who treats his gf (whom he lives with) rather badly.

He has been showing some classical signs of a possible wife-beater from what his gf has told me. His drinking and weed smocking also effects her negativly.

typical signs:
*rages, so she is scared to take up things with him
*trying to preventing her to stay more than two weeeks with her family, away from him
*treating her better when there is other people present

Have anyone else been in this position? During the time when his gf was away to visit her family, I had a chat with him. I had the feeling he wasnt beeing totally honest with me. Later Ive tried to follow up, but he avoids the subject all together.

Why is it so damn hard to take those discussions, specially with friends? :mad:

Re: It's not always easy
 

A raging, drinking and weedmoking friend who treats his girlfriend badly.


Why is he your friend anyway and why would you care about her if she's too stupid to stay with a faggot like that?

Re: It's not always easy
 

And you were going so well up until then as well. :(

Re: It's not always easy
 

I don't have much compassion for people hanging into bad relationships like life never ends.

Re: It's not always easy
 

I'm pretty sure a friend of mine hit his girlfriend. I knew he had a short temper and was often annoyed with his girlfriend flirtatious behaviour. Then one evening I met them for a drink. I saw a bruise on his girlfriend's face, and I jokingly said to her: "Has Chris been beating you again?" The look of guilt on both of their faces said it all really.

I often wondered what I could have done. I wasn't going to ring social services or whoever because of my affinity towards my friend. But then he had hit her. In the end I decided at least I'd embarrassed him, and hoped that would help its cessation.

Re: It's not always easy
 

Well it depends on the situation but I would imagine there is a certain degree of emotional tramua in these cases so it becomes more than a decision not to do the stupid thing. the creation of fear is a powerful method of control so the idea of leaving creates terror if he should ever find her.

If we compare to addiction then it becomes a little clearer. Having an addiction is not just about choosing to do something even though you know it's bad for you, it goes deeper than that and saying 'just stop being an addict' is to completely miss the point of what an addiction is.

Re: It's not always easy
 

id try and get close to the girl enough so that she confides in you what actually goes on, if your suspicions are correct, get her to leave him, and fight him man on man, the way it should be

Re: It's not always easy
 

what a ****.

Re: It's not always easy
 

if you're lucky you'll get the girl too!


edit: spelling error, thanks for pointing that one out to me whoever oh so anonymously did it <3

Re: It's not always easy
 

Are you harder than your mate? heh otherwise you'll need more tact.

Re: It's not always easy
 

Tell the girl what you think and then shag her

He deserves it, she deserves it, you deserve it

Re: It's not always easy
 

I have already told her she should moving out.

And there is some obvious psychological details here who brings some trouble to this, but I wont go into detail.

Re: It's not always easy
 

There's nothing wrong with beatings, as long everything is explicitly consensual (my ex used to complain I didn't enjoy beating her enough :( ).

Anyway, this guy sounds like a twat, abandon him as a friend or intervene by beating him up or whatever.

I don't really understand threads which basically start "My friend is really shit...". If anyone I knew seriously started being shit (and I'm not talking about unreliable, or a bit moody after a relationship breakup, but genuinely a poor example of a human being) I simply wouldn't associate with them anymore. Why would you?

Re: It's not always easy
 

lex romane pax romana

Re: It's not always easy
 

Dante

If he was beating her, I would tell him to stop and appologize or loose me as a friend. Right now I think I will be more of help to her as staying a friend to him.

Re: It's not always easy
 

any man who hits a woman is despicable, its one of those things that there is simply no excuse for. (obviously i am excluding dante's 'beatings' from this ;)) but any man who seriously hit a woman in my eyes needs the biggest kicking of his life. Apart from anything else its a form of bullying, of torture, and the woman should get as far away as she can as soon as possible. When he has done it once he will do it again.

Re: It's not always easy
 

Not really, he could show his friend the mad fiend he's become and reason with him, if he tries to beat him up straight away it could be taken out on the girlfriend or somesuch. I just say make a stand and confront asap rather than let it get worse or your friend thinks it's okay to do it again.

Introduce him to pa to release excess anger :salute:

Re: It's not always easy
 

Shame I just got home from Bergen, Zhukov, else we could go beat him up together :(

Re: It's not always easy
 

Yeah, pretty much.

Re: It's not always easy
 

Then women shouldn't be allowed to hit us either... emancipation èh!

Re: It's not always easy
 

funnily enough i agree, yes, women shouldn't hit men either, although there is a greater degree of ambiguity there as physically a woman punching a man (obviously i'm talking about a 'most people' scenario here, a female kickboxer against some poor bloke in the street would be a bit shitty) but physically a woman punching a man is likely to to less damage as you would hope that the man could adequately defend himself without resorting to punching her back.


EDIT: and yes i know that this leads to some serious 'grey areas' but its hard to explain exactly what i mean here

Re: It's not always easy
 

Of course hitting another human being without their consent is wrong, what the hell?

Re: It's not always easy
 

Watch the movie 300 and be inspired to be beaten by your woman and take it!


:salute:

Re: It's not always easy
 

she'll just be attracted to him more if it continues

Re: It's not always easy
 

Real men hurt their women in such a way that they don't leave bruises.

Re: It's not always easy
 

Domestic violence is a serious and complex problem.

It is about domination and control of one human being by another.

It is often generational.

Domestic violence causes almost as many deaths as gang violence in the US.

There is no easy answer.

The woman has to gain the confidence in herself to break the cycle of violence. This usually requires a lot of support from family and friends. Unfortunately, it also often results in additional violence on the part of the man.

Usually the man blames the woman for "pushing" him to violence. Sadly, the woman commonly also blames herself for the violence unleashed upon her. This is what makes it so difficult to deal with.

Here, there are battered women's shelters where counseling is available. Violence should never go unreported.

Re: It's not always easy
 

A few weeks ago I learned that he had been beaten by his father, and that his father had psyhologicly mistreated his mother (but not physicly abused her).

Re: It's not always easy
 

Firstly - She needs to get her arse out of there.

Secondly - He needs to stop drinking, stop smoking (not saying either are bad things in moderation, but both heighten emotional states and his is obviously a bad one so neither are going to very good for him).

Thirdly - He needs to deal with his childhood so he doesnt repeat it and become his father.


beating him up will solve nothing, may in fact make things worse, as picking on those who cant defend themselves ( domestic violence and bullying) is a sign of low esteem and getting beaten up is not condusive to boosting that esteem.

Violence begetting violence, all you will do is make things worse.

But above all this, the woman involved has to realise this isnt her fault, and the Friend has to accept he has a problem and deal with it in a non aggressive manner.


Why is it so hard to deal with this with people you know ? Beacuse you thought you knew that person, you thought they were your friend, you cant believe you made such a bad judgement, and you wish that your wrong, that he isnt like that really, because it makes you feel like a bad person for not seeing it and you just want to ignore it because its painfull and you fear you will loose someone whom you thought was a friend.

Re: It's not always easy
 

1) He went physical on her.

2) She moved out.

Re: It's not always easy
 

Whilst that's rather vague and does require some explaination, I'm reluctant to see your post count change from 3456.

Re: It's not always easy
 

Man I wish I could convince my girlfriend to spend more than two weeks with her family :o

Re: It's not always easy
 

It's time to get out those knuckledusters then Christopher.

Re: It's not always easy
 

I was going to suggest you buy your friend a couple of tank top undershirts and tell him "If you are going to act the part I guess you better look the part also."

Re: It's not always easy
 

This problem is all too common. Last week, in little Stockto alone, over 300 cases involving domestic violence were on the court's calendar.

Re: It's not always easy
 

Just goes to show that there's an awful lot of stupid women out there who don't learn good 'n' proper the first time they're told!

Re: It's not always easy
 

On an aside has anybody else heard the song Panda Style. It was on the radio the other day whilst i was in the company of my girlfriend to whom i remarked "Would you like to have sex Panda style?". She asked what Panda style was. I informed her that to have sex Panda style first i would have to punch her in the face, giving her two black eyes, and then i would shag her. She declined.



I amuse myself anyway.

Re: It's not always easy
 

Who the hell hits woman in their faces etc anyways, they like looking at ugly bruises?
If you are going to hit them, hit them somewhere normal clothes will cover it up

Re: It's not always easy
 

You were beaten (lol) to this comment by about 2 months.