How to be a Better Human Being
 

In this thread we impart little nuggets of wisdom we've come to realise and learn as we've grown older. This could be anything from how to behave on the net, to how to talk to your boss, to how to treat shop assistants.

They might seem really obvious to you, but I still think it'd be nice to hear other people's. I'm sure we all aspire to become better human beings so let's help each other along the way! :up:

I'll get the ball rolling!


Memorising details
When you speak to someone, make sure that as well as remembering their name, you remember something that is currently going on in their life or will soon. This could be a holiday they have planned, or job applications, or a difficult essay they're working on. The next time you see them, ask them how it went or if they've finished it yet. It makes people realise you are interested in them and enjoy their company. They'll do the same in return.


Confirming attendance
If you aren't sure if you're going to be able to attend an event, it's better to say you're unable to come (and then turn up at the last minute), than to say you can attend (and then bail out at the last minute).


Disappointment vs Arguments
If someone has done something to you, or something you disapprove of, then it is far more effective to show your utter disappointment in them/it than to tell them off for it. They can't become defensive to disappointment as it's your opinion and will remember the incident. Heated arguments are rarely beneficial to anyone.



(those might seem really obvious and stupid to people, so if so then give us some of your own!)

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Politeness

Saying thank you and please are generally overlooked but using those as a basis and considering others makes others think better of you and generally sooner or later they'll feel and treat you the same way. Works on old people too!

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Baffling

Noone wants to hear you dropping bombs, especially if they're trying to get their freak on in the adjoining bedroom and you've a case of the stinky lead balloons. Try baffling, the art of pre-preparing your poopin' recepticle with a little loo roll to turn your love-destroying shit-splashes into a sensual, melodic soundtrack even Chyna could get it up to!

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

discipline

do you work and do it well. go to bed earlier. drink less beer. excercise. less laziness people. it pays off, honestly.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Lie to yourself

Let's face it, you're a miserable **** and you drag down everyone around you. If you're not going to have the common decency to off yourself from the Forth Road Bridge or atop the local Morrisson's or what-have-you then at least convince yourself that you're not quite as worthless as you are so as to engender feelings of apathy amongst your cohorts rather than the usual derision you see in their eyes across a smokey pub.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Speak your mind

Don't be one of those losers who keeps everything bottled up; your conversation will only be bland and uninteresting and the bored looks on the faces of so-called-friends (yes I'm talking about you Denise you snide little cow) will only fuel the anger you feel inside, especially to Kurt, seriously who the hell's called Kurt? Prick-ass with his Mercedes, just because he was public schooled, god almighty, imagine what I could be if I'd had a better upbringing. A doctor or something, I don't know, a consultant? A laywer... no an architect, they make all the money and get all the girls. I bet that bitch Denise is going out with an architect. "Let's just be friends" my arse.

Sorry, you were telling me about the birth of your baby daughter?

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Your sig is a play on the M&S adverts right?

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Generosity

Buy drinks early on. Whenever possible buy two drinks (if necessary two rounds). Get the reputation for generosity early on. Later on people are drunk and minds wander. Rounds fall apart as a concept. Drunks are more free with their cash. You will reap what you sow a hundered fold.

Superior status

Status is not taken, it is not assumed; no one can demmand awe or dominion over anyone else (in a free country with the rule of law). Be content in yourself and always be polite and kind to whomever you meet; no matter how lowly (or highly) you think them. Respect is earned this way and at the end of the day it is better (and it is healthier for your heart) to go to bed knowing that you were kind and having been respected than to go to bed concerned about how much better you are than everyone else.

Money

Money is transitory and the system is always opperating to undermine it's value. Use it while you have it and you will always have had fun. There is no such thing as a good investment - there is only luck and illusion (shares being luck and houses being illusions).

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Pink Floyd

Listen to more of them.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Coffee, cigarettes, amphetamines

There is nothing on this Earth that cannot be solved by some combination of the above. Possibly augmented with Fry's Turkish Delight.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Tomkat

Listen to less of him.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Suck a dick

There're situations few and far between where 'suck a dick' isn't a conversation-stopping retort. Perhaps when your vicar asks you what you want with your tea, but then if you're the kind of person who does that sort of thing you might make a new friend and new friends are healthy.

You can complement the awesome power of the 'suck a dick' by repeating the phrase in quick succession, perhaps whilst jumping up and down on the spot and trying to fit as many two-fingered salutes as possible into your airborne time.

"Johnstone? Where's that damned quarterly? I need it five minutes ago!"
"suckadicksuckadicksuckadicksuckadick"
"Ohhhhhoho, that's Johnstone alright!"

Seamless.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

BB-Code

Got nothing special to say? Italicise! Think you can make a point without underlining at least one key phrase from your argument? Then it probably wasn't a very good point in the first place. Got a lightning but largely nonsensical reply to a massively derailed thread? I'll give you emphasis!

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Child molestation

Bored of the same tawdry fare back home? Try it out on holiday abroad with some friends.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Self Righteousness

Try not to show you think highly enough of yourself that you think you can give advice to others on the best ways to live their life.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Marilyn Manson

If you're not lambasting dullards, you probably need a better thesaurus.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Social Ineptitude

Don't worry, if you don't get the girl there's a forum full of people dying for you to make a thread about it

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Having cancer

Just try and die quietly please.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Witty oneliners and internet amusement

nothing can swallow the feeling so hollow inside.


(but at least you're not koen)

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

God complexes

One of the best ways of making sure that everyone on the internet hates you.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Clause 5 : Spamming

Spamming is a difficult topic to define and as such i will not attempt to tie this subject down to specific categories. Spam is quite simply the posting of irrelevancies. It is the posting of topics which have no discussion potential or the posting of individual replies which do not add to a current discussion but only seek to increase a post count and/or undermine a thread of a serious discussion.



Seriously how/why the **** is JonnyBGood a moderator? Can anyone remember the last on-topic post he made anywhere?

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

delete post

ban cancerous user

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Internet forum posting

If you don't understand why your shit thread has been destroyed you probably shouldn't have started it in the first place.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

develop good taste

leave britain now.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

JonnyBGood.

Funnier than your mum's mum.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

If you're such terrible human beings that you really have nothing to add then please can you just keep the **** out of the thread and go and stroke each others cocks with little "hilarious" one liners about people's mothers somewhere else.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

The only thing about someone's mother is furball's post, which is a direct, and relevent, response to a post of yours.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Having things to add

Sometimes you really don't know what you're doing

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

In this thread sure. Most of JBG's one-liners are "your mother" jokes though. Most of JBG's posts are one-liners. They are very rarely on topic and hardly ever contribute to the thread.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

JBG has been trying to be funny at the internet for so long thats all he is capable of anymore.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

anger management

Never show you are too upset about a situation. Stay calm, maintain your decorum and the offending party will soon show himself up as a target for ridicule.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

No JBG posts involving the words "mom", "mum" or "mother" in the last month. In that time he's also posted at great length in several threads on football, as well as making on-topic posts in many other threads.

Apologies in advance if this is opposed to your outraged stance.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

hay guys way to **** up Tomkat's thread!

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

want to know what i think?


i think that most people in this thread don't want to become a better human being.

:(

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

I can't be bothered.

Pabs was relatively funny and put some time and thought into his posts. JBG used the time-old formula of child-molestation, cancer and "lol tomkat sucks" jokes and threw them in, hoping for a cheap laugh. It happens time and time again and it's getting tiresome.

I made a thread with the aim of it promoting some interesting discussion and maybe some advice we could share with each other (even light-heartedly). Maybe, yeah, I'm being ridiculous with this "taking the internet seriously" business but it gets annoying when you take the time to think up and make a thread, and some idiotic jackass comes in and derails it to amuse himself. Then a posse of retards follow up on the bandwagon and hey presto! Another thread ruined.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Hockey is for girls

The predictable follow-up reply to a Koen post, unless it's about Theam's sister, in which case

Nude pics please

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

I find this amusing, as the person who took us down this derail was you. Before that, we had a few one-liners (which you should really expect in any thread, even the most serious of our discussion threads had similar in them), including one ironic one criticising the posting of one-liners in this thread.

But then you posted the quote from the rules, and started another form of discussion with a direct question which started us down this path. I know I wouldn't be making this post, or my previous ones in this thread, if you hadn't posted that.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

With your 24,000 posts you sure are a pillar of light in the "constructive useful well-thought out posts on GD". Your opinion has been noted though, thanks for the input!

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

lol buttes

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

ur a butt

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

no u

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

this thread needs to die now :(

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Tomkat has a point.

Up to all the jokes starting I was reading the thread and relating quite a few points to real life situations. Like the one about remembering details. It's so true. You notice the people who notice you and vice versa. Those who sit around and are quiet, don't tell you anything, and likewise don't ask you anything, you have no particular allegiance to.

Onto Yahwes point about buying drinks early. In my opinion if it's your round, it's your round. Amongst friends you should never buy drinks early on purpose so you get plenty of drinks later, and likewise you should never avoid buying a drink. You are right though those who get their round out of the way are nearly always better off as the more expensive rounds are later on (ie when you are in a club/people are on spirits etc).

I also must say I agree with Yahwes point about money. People obsess over money too much. He is right, when you have it, enjoy it. Money just enables you to do certain things, just because you have more noughts in your bank account doesn't make you a decent human being. But having a party, meeting loads of people, being happy and enjoying life probably does make you a decent human being.

Finally tomkats last point on "dissapointments v arguments". Saturday night a friend did something that really upset me. What she did had no impact on me, but instead a close friend of mine. I was upset. Very upset. I wanted to scream at her, shout at her, ask her why etc. In the end I bit my lip and the next day when I saw her made it clear I didn't approve.

Bang she apologised, explained what she did etc, and then bought me lunch at wagamamas. If I went in like a raging bull we probably wouldn't be speaking. But now I understand it from her point of view and it's all good. You are so right, that if you take a step back from the situation, make your feelings known, then often you won't be the bad guy, the person who has done the deed will still be the bad person and feel the guilt.

My own advice would probably be to take a chance. I am not scared of failure. You shouldn't be. I always ask myself "What's the worst thing that can happen?" This applies to anything from education through to work through to love. Of course it can backfire, when it does it is shit. But the times it pays off by taking that chance it is a great feeling and worth it.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

hay pig why are you replying seriously to TomKat's thread man?! we've turned it into a wankfest, stop undoing our hard work!

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

gosh kila jumping on a bandwagon to become internet popular who'd-ah-thunk-it

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

He's being trained as a replacement for, hmm, I've said too much already.

Please disregard this post.

Mr Burns: “Smithers use the amnesia ray!”
Smithers: “You mean the revolver?”
Mr Burns: “YES, and be sure to wipe your memory clean too!”

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Change

If you really want to be a better human being and change the world you must first realize that all changes must begin with yourself. Only you can have the effect you are looking for. Often we spend alot of time and frustration on trying to get others to change while ignoring those things about ourselves that could be improved. It's not about being better than someone else but being the best we can become ourselves. I am sure most of you already knew this and I apologize if its been overdone.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Don't take things too seriously

If you find yourself becoming annoyed or angry at a situation - take a step back. Breathe deeply. Think about the situation again. Think about someone other than yourself being in said situation. It's not really that bad is it? It helps to laugh at yourself sometimes.



PS : TK - I was actually quite enjoying this thread, both the joke posts and the serious ones, until you complained and now it's ****ed.

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

Noticing when someone is on their period

Very important when dealing with people is knowing when it is the time of the month that they get easily frustrated and start ranting when the slightest thing doesn't go their way.
The most important thing to do though is not point out that said person is on their period as they don't like having it pointed out that they aren't in complete control of their senses.
Just simply nod and smile and avoid confrontation during their period and once it passes you can take the moral high ground and remind them of all the stupid things they did in the previous week.




Oh - hello Tomkat :)

Re: How to be a Better Human Being
 

My main gripe was that it was a moderator who was ****ing it up (pab's posts were pretty amusing, but JBG's were just trolling really). Hardly setting a good example for the rest of the forum, was he? But meh, whatever. I should have just made this thread on PB - I'll know better in future.